Sometimes it Lasts in Love, But Sometimes it Hurts Instead

February 19, 2012
By , Barberton, OH
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.

Here I lay. On my bed. Listening to my iPod. And thinking.

It's been a week since we broke up. Since I told him I hate him. Since he said he couldn't care less about me.

It's been a week since I lost James.

It hurts. So bad. Especially since he's dating Sarah, as of yesterday.

How could he move on so fast? How could he tell me he loves me and always will Wednesday, ignore me Thursday, and break up with me Friday? Did I mention today would've been our one month anniversary? Yeah.

I couldn't hold it in anymore. I picked up my phone and started a text addressed to him.

So.... Today would've been our one month anniversary. See? I remembered. But instead... It marks that it's been one week since I decided I hate you.

Two weeks ago, I forgot our two week anniversary. And he was mad. I promised I wouldn't forget our one month. And I kept my word, too.

My phone buzzed. His name appeared on my screen.

Wow Taylor. You're still mad? Get over it. Jeeze.

I filled with anger. I want him to tell me he misses me and wants me back. Then I could say no and break his heart, like he did to me.

Did I say I was mad? Exactly, no.

Urrrg. I can't admit I'm not over it. I put my face in my pillow and cried.

~

I woke up two hours later to see I had a text from James.

Hey.

Uh, I thought we hate each other?

What?

Normally, when someone says "hey" the next person will say "hey" back.

Yes, but there's nothing normal about you texting me.

True. But Taylor I'm really sorry.

Good. You should be.

Will you go back out with me?

Wow. So I guess it didn't work with him and Sarah and he's desperate.

Uh let me think... NO.

I thought you loved me.

I lied.

That's not true. I did love him. But I don't anymore.

Well I love you.

Hhmmm sucks to be you then.

When did you become such a b****?

About the same time you became a w****.

Wow, b****.

I've been called worse.

Like what?

Your girlfriend.

Wow.

I'm done texting him.

~

It's a new day. Which is normally a good thing. But I get to go to school in about an hour, and face James. For the first time since we broke up.

I began my transformation that I do every morning.

Blush to hide how pale I am. Eyeliner to hide the dark circles. Lipgloss to add a sparkly touch.

Curled hair, to make me look happier.

A neon pink top, to make me look more energetic.

Skinny jeans, that tuck nicely into my Uggs.

I looked in the mirror and forced a smile. Wow, I can be really pretty. How come no one sees it but me?

~

There I was, exactly an hour later, standing in front of Seni Middle school.

I take a deep breath and walk through the front doors. Then down past the cafeteria, and turn left at the seventh grade hall.

Next I have to walk all the way down the hall to get to my locker. I try not to make eye contact. But when I do, I smile and act like everything's just perfect.

Finally, my locker. I quickly take off my coat, grab my pre-algebra book, and walk into the room.

Standing by my desk, there he was.

James.

He managed to catch my eye and smile. I quickly look away and walk to Austin's desk.

"Hey Austin!"

"Taylor."

"Whassup?"

"Um what does it look like."

"It looks like you're waiting for me to leave."

He gave me a look.

"I love you too, Austin."

Austin is this little sixth grade math genius that comes to our pre-algebra class. It's really fun to mess with him.

James was still near my desk, so next I went over to Chris's desk.

"Hey we need to meet."

Chris's on my DestinationImagination team.

"Yeah... How about today?"

"Sounds good but we'll have to talk to Millie and Mack."

Finally, James gave up and went back to his seat, so I went and sat down just as the bell was ringing.

During morning announcements, Sam turns around.

"I heard everything. I'm sorry Taylor, he's such a w****."

"It's nice to see someone agrees with me."

He smiles at me, and I manage a smile back. Then he turns around.

Sam is James's best friend. He's tall, and has the most gorgeous green eyes.

~

Five periods later, I'm sitting in the cafeteria, at my usual lunch table with Lily, Rachel, Alex, and Mack; when Sam comes in and sits by me.

I was overjoyed that he decided to sit with me, until I saw James come in and sit by Rachel.

I quickly turn and start a conversation with Mack.

"Chris and I were talking, and we should meet today."

"Ok, that should work for me. But I don't know if Millie has gymnastics tonight."

"Ok well we can meet without her and work on the set."

"Yeah."

I was going to say more, when Alex started talking to him about band.

"Hey."

I turn around, and there's James.

"Hello."

"How's your life been?"

"Awesome."

That was a big lie. I've been miserable without him, but he can't know that.

"Oh, cool."

I saw an opportunity to stop talking to him and I took it.

"Heeeeey Sam!"

"Hi."

"Sam, you're so... Um.. Un-enthusiastic."

"HEY TAYLOR!!!!"

I laugh, and he smiles.

Uh oh. I think I'm starting to like Sam.

I gaze into those green eyes and feel like I can see and understand everything.

But I felt someone staring at me. Out of the corner of my eye, I see James. Disappointed. How can me tell I'm starting to like his best friend?

I put my hands under the table, and I feel someone grab one.

Then I see Sam smiling at me.

Next, I come to a realization that I'm holding hands with him!

James bends over, and sees our intertwined fingers. Then he got up, looked at me with sad eyes, glared at Sam, and walked over to sit with his football friends.

But then, Sam let go of my hand.

"What was that for?"

"I just got James to leave for you. You're welcome."

"Thank you."

I force a smile, and look away, so he can't see my disappointment.

~

Two more periods later, I'm sitting here in STEM. We're about to get new partners.

We pulled names out of a hat, and I got paired with Sam!

He came over and sat by me.

"Hey!"

"Hey."

"You don't seem excited about being partners."

The truth is, I am. But I'm still upset from lunch.

"I am!"

I smile at him, and we begin reading the assignment.

~

My phone was dead, but when I put it on the charger and it turns on, I see I have four texts from James!

WHAT DO YOU WANT!?

I want you back.

Well I can't give you that.

Thanks to you, Sam and I aren't friends anymore.

James, he grabbed my hand to get you to leave because he knew I was uncomfortable with you staring at me!

No, Taylor. He likes you, and has since like fourth grade.

Oh my gosh! I don't know weather to believe James or not!

I decided to text Sam.

Hey so James's trying to convince me that you like me.

...

What's that supposed to mean.

Would it be bad if he was right?

No, it'd be amazing.

Taylor, will you go out with me?

Yes!

We texted all night, and went to the movies that Friday, where he kissed me, and told me he loves me.

~

Ten years later, I stand, about to speak, at Sam's funeral.

When we first started dating on that glorious day in seventh grade, we decided to keep it secret. Especially from James.

But three days ago, James did eventually find out that we were married, and I was expecting. He wasn't over me either.

That dreadful night three days ago, he broke into our room in the middle of the night. He shot Sam. And forced me to swallow a pill to kill the baby.

I will always remember his scream.

"IF I CAN'T HAVE HER, NEITHER CAN YOU!"

Then he pulled the trigger.

He is now in jail. Sentenced for life. And I am heartbroken, for the first time in ten years.





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12345taylor said...
Feb. 24, 2012 at 8:03 pm
Beautiful:')
 
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