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Lost Forever In His Eyes
Jake pretended like he didn’t care too much. However, I knew he was upset by my news. So upset he actually had to turn away from me so I couldn’t see his tears. I knew he was crying though. I know how he feels, even though he would never admit it.
I might sound like a horrible person to you right now, but to tell you the truth, it was a test. I don’t like Sammy, I never have. I try not to throw up just thinking about seeing him again. Brown hair, gorgeous blue eyes, kind smile. It doesn’t sound so bad, does it? I guess I’m just crazy then. But hey, Sammy doesn’t have the one thing I want: he’s not Jake. He’ll never be Jake. Case closed.
I ran around Jake to his front, grasped his shoulders with both hands, and looked him straight in the eyes. His eyes, green like mine, hurt, but trying not to be. I tried not to get lost as I took a gulp of air.
“What do you think of Sammy? I mean, I care, I really care.” I rubbed his shoulder as a sign of my words.
He just shook his head, his brown- blond hair falling in his face. Beautiful, perfect hair. It was dyed blond, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything. It was still his hair. He flipped it out of his eyes, gently removing himself from my grasp as well.
“He seems like a nice guy. I’m glad you have someone like I do.” his lips tried to give a smile of encouragement, but his eyes still wouldn’t hide their sorrow.
His lips, you could get lost in their words. I always did, every time I heard his voice. However, now I tried to control myself.
I shrugged. “Thanks. How is Georgia?” I tried to sound offhanded, but I’m not a terribly good liar myself.
He looked at me like I tried to strangle him. “She’s great. She’s at a soccer game right now. I hope she wins.” He stared off into the distance. I knew that he probably had no idea where she was.
I nodded. “That’s good. Sammy’s in Florida, surfing.” I tried to sound like I wasn’t trying to care. Wasn’t working.
“He just left you here, all by yourself?” What was that look in his eyes, anger?
“No, I’m not alone. I have you, silly.” Jake smiled. These were the words he wanted to hear. However, his voice, this time, expressed sadness.
“I just don’t think that it’s right for your guy to go surfing and not take you with him.” “Your guy.” He makes that sound so poisonous.
I laughed. “Oh, you know I don’t like surfing.” Besides, I thought, I don’t really want to be around him at all. It’s better that he’s far, far away.
Jake looked at me, puzzled, and then looked around him. “Where’s your roommate?”
I had to think for a moment. Remembering that we were in my cramped dorm room about to watch a movie was hard to recall. I guessed that I really did get lost in his eyes again. Amazing how that happens and I never realize it. That’s not the way it is with Sammy. I’m looking for exit lights with that boy.
“Oh,” I said offhandedly, “she’s spending the weekend at her parent’s house. I’m glad she’s gone.”
“You don’t like your roommate?” Jake asked as he fell back into my bed, like he owned the place. He was here so often though, and it looked so natural. All I wanted to do was fall into his arms and forget about Sammy and my roommate and school and this small room. However, I restrained. Why, oh why, did I restrain?
“It’s not that I don’t like her, it’s just that this is our weekend. I don’t like people disturbing the peace.” I pulled my small TV set out of the closet and set it on the table.
“That’s understandable. I like our alone time myself.”
I laughed quietly. Of course you do. Why won’t you admit why? Having plugged the TV into a nearby socket and setting it on my desk, I went over to my collection of DVDs against the wall. I had a large selection, almost as large as the amount of books I kept in a shelf above my bed. What can I say? I like to read.
“What are you in the mood for?” I asked Jake as I searched for the perfect movie.
“Something gruesome. I want some blood.” Jake was got up from the bed and came over to the corner where I was searching.
I poked his nose. “Do your selection preferences ever change?” He laughed. What a gorgeous smile.
“Not until I get my preference choice.” He poked my nose back.
I laughed and shook my head. “I’m never in the mood for blood and guts, Deary. Pick something else.” Jake smiled. He leaned over me, his head resting on my shoulder, and scanned the DVD titles with his forefinger. How natural it felt to have him there. Did he notice the rightness of that position? Well, of course he did. He must have. That was too strong a feeling for me to share alone.
After a few seconds of careful searching, Jake tapped on a DVD with an orange and white cover. “Juno? I would expect you to pick something a little, newer.”
He smiled. “I actually like this movie. Besides, it’s only what, five years old? That’s not much.” He got up and walked over to the DVD player. I stayed down, paralyzed by our closeness.
“Five years can be a very long time, though. I mean, we’ve been best friends for five years. I consider that to be a very long time.” I got up then, walked over to him, and made eye contact.
He nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. In that sense, five years is almost forever.” He smiled at me, but his eyes were unfocused. Perhaps mine were too. Perhaps we went back to the same day, a little less than five years ago. That first day at camp our second time around…