The Tear of a Heart

February 11, 2012
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He was angry and confused with me. I didn’t need a stony text message or a wondering voicemail to know that. I didn’t blame him for being angry with me. I would be angry with me. I didn’t deserve him; he was too good for my cursed soul.

I dropped the cool metallic phone on my bedspread with a few drops of tears along with it. It was so pathetic of me to be crying. It was pathetic I sent him a text about it. The words kept flashing through my mind hollow and depressing.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered to myself. He could have any girl he wanted, there was no reason for him to fall for me like I’d fallen for him. My heart swelled with love and pain at the same time, a tortuous mixture.

I’d been in love with him for years, and one day he noticed me. My parents were fighting again and I’d taken to crying on the front porch. He stopped what he was doing and asked me if I was OK. I guess everything ends where it began. One miraculous day, he asked me out.

Now that was all over. I felt like we were slipping, and I didn’t want that dreaded day to come. The day when he realized what a nobody I was. The day when he finally listened to his friends and would break my heart and leave me on the side of the street to bleed.

I choked in a breath while letting the tears run freely down my face. My message told him it would be better this way. It was better if we didn’t see each other again. Oh god, my heart was splintering into a hundred pieces. Was I dying? I couldn’t breathe; the world was spinning me round and round.

All of our dates clouded my mind, ripping my heart to shreds. The first day he said he loved me. The first time we kissed. Those long nights under the stars. Our footprints in the sand. Kissing in the rain. I could never forget those memories.

The doorbell rang. And it rang again. And again. I drudged myself of my tear stained bed and walked slowly like I was dying to the door. I wiped my face but knew it was red and puffy. I slowly opened the door ready to tell whoever was on the other side it wasn’t a good time.

He was on my doorstep. Just seeing him standing there made my heart lurch with love. I loved him so much. I stood there unsure of what to say. Maybe he was here to tell me off or demand an explanation. I closed my eyes and bit my lip hard to keep the tears from falling.

“Look at me,” he tells me in a hushed tone. I slowly look up like a deer caught in a headlight. He walks over and places a hand on my check all the while keeping those beautiful blue eyes locked on my green ones. His thumb wipes my tears away.

“I love you,” He tells me. He bends down and our lips meet. “And I will never let you go.” His arms wrap around me and I’m home.

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