Heart of the Ocean(part three)

I opened my eyes and let my vision clear. The warmth against my back almost soothed me back to sleep, until it occured to me that I didn't know the source of the warmth.


I cautiously rolled over, my half dazed mind barely concious of what I was doing. The first thing I saw was Alec's face, with his silky straight hair strewn across his forehead. Then I noticed his arm loosely wrapped around my torso.


I wanted to fall back asleep like that, in that perfect moment of content safety, but that stupid over cautious side of me told me to check the clock. I squinted at the hands.


My eyes widened at the fact that it was six-thirty in the morning, and that I had been sleeping for five plus hours in Alec's bed. I carefully manuevered myself from beneath his arm and sat up groggily. After turning the light off, I quietly left the room, shutting the door silently behind me. I crept up the stairs and into my room.



The comfort of my own bed felt nice, but I missed the warmth and safety of Alec. I pushed the thought far from my mind and banished the fierce butterflies from my stomach. I slowly drifted back into an easy sleep.


My eyes fluttered open, and I was vaguely aware of a soft tapping at my door. I mumbled something and rolled over just as Sebastian's head popped through the door.


"Lex, come downstairs with me." His voice was off, softer than normal.


I looked at my alarm clock.


"Why, it's only nine. What's going on?" My voice cracked and I could feel my heart rate accelerate as my mind started to panic. Was something wrong? Was Alec okay? Had something happened to Mom?


"Calm down Lexi. Everything's okay. Just come downstairs. Hurry." His words calmed me but his tone was still off.


Before Sebastian had even shut my door completely I was out of bed and heading to my dresser for some pajama pants and a hoodie to wear over my tank top.


I rushed down the stairs and into the kitchen without even brushing my teeth. Dad was sitting at the table, drinking coffee as always. There was a tray on the table filled with toast, fruit, and juices that was meant for my mother.



"Dad?" My voice cracked again when I spoke. I felt my hand tremble as I put it on my father's shoulder.


He didn't speak, or really ackowledge me. I was getting angry. Something was wrong, there had to be, I knew it. Why wouldn't anyone answer me?


Sebastian was propped against the counter, staring out the window at the waves crashing against the rocks on the beach. Dad was at the table, sipping at his coffee as he did almost every morning before work.


But this morning was different, it was off. Dad was usually at work by now. Sebastian's eyes looked empty as he stared out the window. The only thing that was normal was that Alec wasn't up yet.


"What's going on?" I demanded, my voice trembled. I wasn't sure if I wanted anyone to answer me anymore.


I felt my dad inhale and I pressed my fingers lightly into the fabric of his suit.


"Alexis, darling, the doctor came this morning." My father's voice was so monotone, so empty, there was no concern in his tone.


"Dr. Ray comes every Tuesday, dad." I was pleading for an answer, I could feel the blood slow it's fluid movement through my body. My fingertips became icy.


"The treatments aren't working anymore honey." The lack of emotion in his voice made me panic.


"They can try something else can't they?" My voice went up in pitch, sounding unfamiliar even to me.


Sebastian answered for my father."No, Lex. There's nothing else they can do. Dr. Ray suggested we keep her at home. Pursuing more treatment will prolong her life, but it will stop working in time just like the others. We've tried everything. Lexi. If you'd only go see her, you'd see how weak she's gotten, she's so frail. She can't keep going through this, her body won't take it. They don't even know how much longer it's possible to keep her at home without more extensive care" I heard the strain in my brother's voice, just like I felt the tears sliding down my face against my will. "She's my mom too Lex, and I love her every bit as much as you do. But I know she can't take it anymore."


"So you're suggesting, you're both suggesting, we just let her die?" I was clenching my teeth, so that the words came out as a hiss. My hand on my father's shoulder was shaking, my knees were threatening to collapse.


I had known this day would come. I had known when she was diagnosed with stage two lung cancer eight months ago that this day would come. As the cancer had progressed through her body, I knew this day would come sooner than had been expected in the beginning.


Sebastian and my father had neglected to answer my question.



"IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SUGGESTING?!" I screamed at them, tearing my hand from my fathers shoulder.


No one spoke. I felt my face flush as reality set in.



I walked out of the kitchen and passed Alec's door just as he opened it. He grabbed my arm and tried to wipe the tears from my face. But I ripped my arm away.


"Get away from me." I growled at him. the acid in my tone surprising even myself.


The look of shock and pain on his face deepened my pain.


I ran up the stairs and straight to my room. I sat on the bench in my bay window for hours, staring at the ocean.


I watched the sun travel across the sky and slowly sink into the ocean. The water blazed orange and yellow, while the sky faded into deep blues and purples.


I felt a tear run down my cheek. Then another. And another. There was a never ending flow, and I couldn't stop. I couldn't keep it in any longer.


I rested my head on my knees and cried without shame. I wanted my mother. I wanted to go crawl in her bed like I did when I was little and cry so she'd rub my back and run her fingers through my hair. I wanted to hear her voice telling me it was going to be okay.


I let myself remember everything, allowing the memories to flow freely through my mind.





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