The King and his Kingdom

March 16, 2010
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I look into your eyes, I feel guilty yet innocent, i feel young and naive, yet old and wise. I look into your eyes and for one moment we communicate, a sheer accident. We havn't spoken a word in 6 months, maybe more, i'm not sure anymore. It's been so long.... too long. I quickly look away from your eyes, but in that moment they weren't guarded, weren't locked behind that iron wall you always put up when you are forced to look at me. Are you over the pain i put you through, have you moved on? I hope so... because i don't think i have.

You were always superior, when you asked for my help i'd always wonder why. You were always more advanced, more understanding, no, not understanding, you were more experienced when it came to certain things. You knew things about the world i didn't, you still do, i have no clue and you know everything. And so, when i raise my head, and look straight up into your eyes, it feels right, it feels like i'm meant to be beneath you, the natural order of things. Of course i usually don't believe in those things, but i still hold you in high standards, your a king in my eyes, you just never knew it, and like the peasent i was, i revolted against my king, because i thought you demanded too much. Maybe i was right, maybe i was wrong, i will never know, you came from some place else, somewhere i didn't and still don't understand. How can i judge you when i didn't know where you were coming from?

You said you loved me, said you were happy to wait... i told you it'd never work, that i didn't like you in that way but yet still you said you would wait, showering me with your affection, affection i didn't deserve. Now you despise me, call me names behind my back, want to destroy me. I understand that. Sometimes i do think too highly of my king, but even a king is a man, a man, free to make mistakes, free to misjudge, free to attack and free to do as they please, they are the king after all... The peasents never really do anything and yet they do everything, they are the kingdom and the king doesn't exist without their kingdom.

As i sit patiently and wait for that guarded iron wall to come down from your eyes, waiting for you to open your gates, let me inside. Exposing your emotions, showing me who my king really is, i think of the past, that sadly, is now at the bottom of an hourglass, and i sit and wait pleading, willing it to flip, for it to start over again and give me another chance, but like you, it is unforgiving, it punishes me, without knowing. The memories replaying in my mind, the one from today still fresh and painful... yet this pain is sadly my own doing, my own fault and so i apologize, but not before, you, my king, do first when i should have been the first to whisper those two little words.... I'm sorry.

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DylanL said...
Mar. 27, 2010 at 3:27 am
Sorry, Wasn't sure where this was actually meant to go? I just wrote it one day and wanted to share it. Anyway, hope you enjoy it.
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