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Lost Without You
Do you have a best friend? I asked.
You always smiled when I asked that,and you always said “ You.”
I always wondered why, I was nothing in comparison to you.
Remember that day we ran at the Ice Cream Truck, our bare feet slapping the cool tar. I liked that, it was fun.
Remember the day you said to trust you? I thought I was crazy, but eventually I did.
Remember that time you told me you loved me? I still can’t believe you did.
My mind is racing like wind, uncontrollable. I always wondered how you did that. Were in Science class now. I’m sitting behind you, but you don’t seem to notice me. I notice a lot of things about you, although I never tell you because I’m afraid. When you sit, you muscles show through your shirt. I always liked that. Did you know that your hair is perfectly straight? How it just falls onto your beautiful neck? I just wish you knew all of this. You never seem happy from a distance.
One day,you turned around and gave me a smile. It was warm and welcoming. Your smile gave me butterflies in my stomach. I laughed inside, I didn’t want you to hear. I remember seeing your eyes when you smiled at me. Sea blue, the kind of blue you can get lost in. Green shading the center of your eye, like an island I wanted to land on. To be lost in your eyes forever.
Then you said Hi. I almost screamed that you even talked to me. No one ever talks to me, I’m too much of a nobody. I noticed that you pronounce words funny. It made me giggle. We started passing notes in Science Class. My heart always skipped a beat when you passed it back. It always made me happy when you talked to me.
I noticed your handwriting, so neat and flowing. I wish my writing was like that. You said it didn’t matter how I wrote, that I was a cool person anyways. I wish I was as perfect as you, but I couldn’t tell you that.
I remember the day you asked me on a date, you were walking me to History. I tried to keep it “ Mellow “ and not totally freak out because it’s my first date. I hope you didn’t know that, that’d be embarrassing. You wanted to go to the beach, I love it there. You told me to bring a bathing suit. Right when you said that I thought about my body. I bet you know I hate my body. I hope that you don’t though.
When we went to the beach, the wind was so calm and soothing. I liked it, it made your hair flow just the right way. As soon as we got there, we wanted to go Swimming in the baking sun and shallow wind. I was exited to go in theProxy-Connection: keep-alive
ater, I love the water.
I remember you taking off your shirt. The way your muscles in your shoulders popped out, I smiled when I saw.
I remember seeing you with your shirt off the first time, your tummy was just so yummy. Great, now I really do sound like a stalker. I told myself not to get over exited, it was just you. You were wearing an orange bathing suit, it went down to your knees. It had a white strap tied in a double knot at the waist. You looked good in that bathing suit. I was wearing my bikini, the one with the fish on it. It always seemed to drop 10 pounds from my image. I always liked the fish, it represents that quote I always loved. “ There’s more then one fish in the sea for me.”
We ran into the water holding hands, it was so cold. Yet, I was feeling so warm just being next to you. You were a good swimmer, and I was glad. Every time a big wave was coming, you use to throw me up in the air, above the wave. I felt as if I could fly, it was fun.
After swimming we went on the beach. I have always acted so childish at the beach, I hope you didn’t know that. We built a sandcastle together, I always like doing that when I was little. You always knew what I loved.
The ice cream truck drove by. You said we should run and try to catch it. You were a fast runner, I was so slow. I felt bad that I couldn’t run fast. You saw that I was disappointed. You lifted me on your back then, carried me like a feather. It amazed me that you could carry me. I heard your feet, slapping the cool tar as you ran. The sweat dripping down your neck. I wish you knew I noticed all of this, but I never wanted to tell you.
We never did make it to the ice cream truck, but who cares I thought. We had a ton of fun trying to get to it anyway. I suggested we just take a calm relaxing walk on the beach. We walked for hours, until the sun was setting below the horizon. You told me to stand still, and close my eyes. I did as you asked, I trusted you.
After awhile,you said I could open them. I was anxious to. I looked at you and nothing happend I thought. Then, I soon looked down at the sand. You drew a heart, with an arrow. You drew it so well, I smiled so hard. Then, above the heart I saw the words “ I Love You.” I almost cried when I saw this. I did because I Love You too.
That day was fun. I never wanted it to end tho. I hope you had fun too. Sometimes I wonder what you were thinking and other times I wish I couldn’t. It really depends on what’s going on. I wonder if someone with super powers ever thought that. “ I wish I could just have them at a specific time. “
I remember babbling on and on to my mom about our date. She said we were just so corny and romantic at the same time. I didn’t care what she said, I really just wanted to talk about it before my bubble bursted. It brought me and my mom closer. We have never been close, I thank you for that.
Months and months passed by and our romance just became stronger and stronger to the point where I couldn’t breath without being by your side. I kinda realized, that your my everything. My biggest fear now, was losing everything I had. I know you love me anyways, so I don’t really know why I was panicking.
Remember the day of the accident? I do...and it broke my heart to see you lying there, not moving, barely breathing. IV’s in your right arm, life support tubes down your throat.
I wonder why this had to happen to you. You were biking to my house, for our 11th a-month anniversary and on your way, you got hurt. It is my fault....without me you would have lived to see another day. I wish you knew that. I didn’t mean to have you be hit by a truck. The worst was this.
You were right at the end of my driveway, I was looking out the window watching you. Then, the truck came out of nowhere. My bloody murder scream, and heartbreaking seconds, as the truck smashed you from behind. Little did I know, that once you were hit, you would come crashing through my living room window. I cried so hard, my true love, my Romeo has almost died. I was in shock,and disbelief. I sat by your side, and cried my heart to heal you. Although, it never worked. Those 2 minutes, felt like the longest century in a life time.
When I saw your body lying in the blood stained shards from the window, I felt as if my heart had smashed too. The floor was drowning soon, the glass sinking below the thick crimson. Your eyes were closed, but you stirred in pain. You face was crushed by the window,with a shard in your left cheek.
Calling the 911 dispatchers, was the hardest thing to do. My heart was in my throat, like a rock, frozen in time. I couldn’t speak, but they were able to track my location via phone. I was glad. I wanted you to be okay. I wanted us to live happily ever after.
I stayed at the hospital for days, right by your side. My eyes became dark, lonely, puffy circles. Watching you, the monitors, hoping for any sign of life. I remember seeing you flinch, when the oxygen tank pumped air into your lungs. I wanted to cry when that happened, it looked like you were in pain. You don’t deserve that....not you. If anyone did,it was me.
Four days later, I was out of tears. My throat was raw,and rigid. I was sleeping on the window cill, the sun was just below the horizon like on our first date. I could see the beach through this window, where we fell in love. I heard the long, monitor screech, and I looked to see .
The most devastating beep, I noticed, that your life was gone. My throat split open, as it seems. I cried till my ribs felt as if they were broken. The nurse and the doctors, said to say your final goodbyes. I didn’t want to say goodbye, I love you and want to be with you forever.
I went into a depression, so alone and sacred. I knew I shouldn’t of had made you my everything, because now I have nothing. You were always my protector. I headed to the beach,where we had our first date. You were my fish in the sea. I put on my bikini, the one with the fish. You always liked that one, just like me. As I set out to the water, flashbacks were killing and drowning me. I told myself to think happiness,and I did. As I lay above, the floating waters, waves with the baking sun, I thought of you.
A enormous wave suddenly hit me,and flung my body several feet away from the shoreline. Farther and farther I was getting from the shore...............
I smashed my head against something, I don’t even remember what. All I do remember...is seeing you at the bottom of the deep ocean, as my body sinks, farther away from life. As I take my last breath, I want to say, I love you too. I watched my air bubbles float to the top, closed my eyes, and sank below the water. I want to be with you, I want to breath your air and feel your warmth. I don’t want to live to see another day without you by my side. I will sink below these darkened waters,and be with you forever in my everlasting slumber of death.