The Demons in Angels chapter one part two

December 7, 2009
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Chapter 1
An unexpected find

I was standing on a cloud with her, holding her delicately. She looked deep into my eyes and I looked deep into her blood red ones. They held so much emotion and energy. I ran my fingers gently through her black, silky hair and surrounded us with my wings. She saw them and screamed, breaking the blanket of silence that but a moment ago was thick and warm. She pushed me away and started to run away. Time slowed down as I began to chase her, calling her name as she took flight. I never heard her tell me but I knew, Angela.
“Gabriel! Get up or you’ll never get used to your new schedule!”
I sat up with a start; my sister was staring at me. I could tell she was mad at me for sleeping in again.
“Get up or I’m telling Dad!” she shrieked at me.
“Then leave Abby.”
“Oooh! You’re impossible!”
Abby stormed out and I got up. Wondering how much the other students would hate me just for being me. I jumped out the window and spotted another angel, a Fallen. I looked at my watch. Abby had gotten me up a half hour early! Why can’t she just leave me be for ten minutes? I decided not to turn around but to wait for the other students to enter before I tried. I knew that they’d hate me more than any other Risen that they’d ever seen. I was sure of it. I waited for a full half hour, after the last of the students outside entered the building I climbed off the roof and cautiously stepped inside the cold unforgiving doors that I had seen as cheerier yesterday. I found my homeroom and the teacher introduced me. I felt like a complete dork. I looked around slowly and found the only empty seat in the whole room. Next to the most beautiful girl, I had ever seen. It was like finding a jewel among sand. I had seen her before. Wait, I saw her in my dream earlier today! This was weirder than weird. She turned her head slightly but then we locked eyes. Hers were exactly as I had seen them in my dream. She looked from side to side, as though she were searching for something, then she buried her face into her hands.
“Take your seat Gabriel.” I jumped at his voice and there was some laughter rippling through the room. I sat in the seat next to that girl I had locked eyes with; she still had her face in her hands. I suddenly remembered her name, Angela. It fits her. Angela jumped when she uncovered her face. It seemed like she almost punched me from reflex. I got my notes out and continued writing. It's too bad that we write with opposite hands. My arm was against hers the whole class through; I felt a gentle seeping heat ooze into my blood. I saw her after class; her friend was staring at me from across the hall. After the last teacher dismissed us, I went home in mild disgrace. I saw Angela on the way home; she’s a very graceful flyer. When we were halfway to home, she dropped altitude, fast. Time slowed down when I hit top speed to catch her. She didn’t act as if she cared that I was carrying her, somehow I knew she minded though. She probably hates me like the rest of them. She closed her eyes and opened one after a while. I realized I didn’t know what her house number was. When I spoke she hung even more limp than I thought possible.
“Where do you live?”
She didn’t answer me.
“What is your address?”
“29805.” She answered in a mid-soprano voice.
“I live across the street from you.”
I saw her close her eyes again and groan, probably from the displeasure of knowing she would see me every day. I landed on her roof and was extra careful about her skin wings so I wouldn’t cut them. She stood up and the moon behind her made her glow with a silver light. I didn’t think it was possible but she looked even more beautiful than before. I couldn’t help but smile.
“Y-you should go.” My bliss shattered.
“What? Why?”
“I-I don’t want you to be caught standing on our roof.”
I resumed my smiling as I glided over to my roof. I caught one last glimpse of her before I climbed into my room window. I passed out on my bed and woke up with the sun in my face. I did my homework and went downstairs to sneak food up to my room. I closed my eyes and thought about Angela for the rest of the day.

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This article has 29 comments. Post your own now!

Jynxx said...
May 27, 2010 at 8:24 pm
Awesomeness! i loved this 5/5!
Yuelong replied...
May 28, 2010 at 5:51 pm
didja get to read my other parts of the story? like your story(awesome btw) it's broken into chunks.
speechless<3 said...
Jan. 16, 2010 at 12:53 pm
You have a good talent for writing, and your imagery was really good--very descriptive. I felt the storyline a little hard to follow at first, like it required some re-reading to get from scene to scene. Try reading it over and making the transitions a little smoother.
Could you check out my mystery short story, "Alicia Inside of Me" and provide some feedback? That would be much appreciated.
~ Helena
Ramoth replied...
Jan. 20, 2010 at 4:41 pm
have you read part one? it's the same title exempting the part two piece. some details are in the first part while others are in the second. filling in gaps and forcing the reader to read all of the story, do you get why i did it now?
twiwrite replied...
Jan. 29, 2010 at 3:00 pm
mmmmm.... interesting. cant wait for more!
Yuelong replied...
May 31, 2010 at 1:39 pm
now there is more! some are called prophecy btw.
Fayrouz This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 15, 2010 at 6:14 pm
very articulate and I enjoyed the setting! caught my attention from the first paragraph! however...i have to say that you should try to have better verbs. your article kind of has a dark theme if you know what I mean. try to use verbs and adjectives to give the reader the whole ambience of the deal. i enjoyed reading this and good job. if you have some time, please check out my stuff. in the meantime, keep writing b/c that's the only way to get better and ENJOY writing!
Ramoth replied...
Jan. 20, 2010 at 4:38 pm
verbs like what?
yuekomai replied...
Mar. 5, 2010 at 11:34 am
just so you know, i changed the title to prophecy. the old one was too close to angels and demons, which is not mine.
Firetoungue said...
Jan. 15, 2010 at 3:24 pm
I must say the articulation in your voice as you read this is spetacular. You have a great beginning. It caught me and I just had to read what came up because it was SO good. (I have to get off but I'll give some advise later when I get back on.) Very good
Ramoth replied...
Jan. 20, 2010 at 4:42 pm
thanks! did you read part one? by the way, i'm changing the title to prophecy. just so you know. in case you want to keep reading
yuekomai replied...
Mar. 5, 2010 at 11:37 am
a lot o fpeople say i'm articulate. i just sort of absorb words and put them together like a jugsaw puzzle.
Firetoungue replied...
Mar. 5, 2010 at 7:12 pm
Your writing is so fun and interesting to read. You don't stick the normal, everyday words that you would hear into your work. The words just flows together. It moves around a lot in the story but it isn't chunky.
yuekomai replied...
Mar. 5, 2010 at 7:19 pm
yeah, i never really try to make it sound formal. it makes you feel like you don't have to dress up really nice just to read anymore. in a formal book it feels like that sometimes.
Firetoungue replied...
Mar. 5, 2010 at 10:58 pm
But you see you don't try to sound formal. Many people try to make their words sound high and mighty but it really doesn't work. You may not try to make your work sound formal but really at least you don't try to impress people with it by using tough words. That is what I really like about your story. Keep it up. Just write what you love. Don't try to impress anyone because it will mess up your work.
yuekomai replied...
Mar. 6, 2010 at 6:12 pm
i try not to use a lot of the same words in a chapter, but i also try to keep it interesting. and in a natural flow at the same time.
Yuelong replied...
Jun. 23, 2010 at 2:11 pm
nice avatar, is that luffy?
Firetoungue replied...
Jun. 23, 2010 at 5:46 pm
Yeah. I take you've seen One Piece.
Yuelong replied...
Jun. 24, 2010 at 11:42 pm
it's sooo wierd, but not EVERYTHING should be serious right? i sometimes see it in shonen jump, you know, big fat manga magazine?
Firetoungue replied...
Jun. 30, 2010 at 11:55 pm
This world would be mighty boring if everything was serious. :D I did not know about the Shonen Jump but now I do.
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