The Demons in Angels chapter one part two

December 7, 2009
By Yuelong GOLD, Bellevue, Washington
Yuelong GOLD, Bellevue, Washington
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
Win the Darwin award already!


Chapter 1
An unexpected find


I was standing on a cloud with her, holding her delicately. She looked deep into my eyes and I looked deep into her blood red ones. They held so much emotion and energy. I ran my fingers gently through her black, silky hair and surrounded us with my wings. She saw them and screamed, breaking the blanket of silence that but a moment ago was thick and warm. She pushed me away and started to run away. Time slowed down as I began to chase her, calling her name as she took flight. I never heard her tell me but I knew, Angela.
“Gabriel! Get up or you’ll never get used to your new schedule!”
I sat up with a start; my sister was staring at me. I could tell she was mad at me for sleeping in again.
“Get up or I’m telling Dad!” she shrieked at me.
“Then leave Abby.”
“Oooh! You’re impossible!”
Abby stormed out and I got up. Wondering how much the other students would hate me just for being me. I jumped out the window and spotted another angel, a Fallen. I looked at my watch. Abby had gotten me up a half hour early! Why can’t she just leave me be for ten minutes? I decided not to turn around but to wait for the other students to enter before I tried. I knew that they’d hate me more than any other Risen that they’d ever seen. I was sure of it. I waited for a full half hour, after the last of the students outside entered the building I climbed off the roof and cautiously stepped inside the cold unforgiving doors that I had seen as cheerier yesterday. I found my homeroom and the teacher introduced me. I felt like a complete dork. I looked around slowly and found the only empty seat in the whole room. Next to the most beautiful girl, I had ever seen. It was like finding a jewel among sand. I had seen her before. Wait, I saw her in my dream earlier today! This was weirder than weird. She turned her head slightly but then we locked eyes. Hers were exactly as I had seen them in my dream. She looked from side to side, as though she were searching for something, then she buried her face into her hands.
“Take your seat Gabriel.” I jumped at his voice and there was some laughter rippling through the room. I sat in the seat next to that girl I had locked eyes with; she still had her face in her hands. I suddenly remembered her name, Angela. It fits her. Angela jumped when she uncovered her face. It seemed like she almost punched me from reflex. I got my notes out and continued writing. It's too bad that we write with opposite hands. My arm was against hers the whole class through; I felt a gentle seeping heat ooze into my blood. I saw her after class; her friend was staring at me from across the hall. After the last teacher dismissed us, I went home in mild disgrace. I saw Angela on the way home; she’s a very graceful flyer. When we were halfway to home, she dropped altitude, fast. Time slowed down when I hit top speed to catch her. She didn’t act as if she cared that I was carrying her, somehow I knew she minded though. She probably hates me like the rest of them. She closed her eyes and opened one after a while. I realized I didn’t know what her house number was. When I spoke she hung even more limp than I thought possible.
“Where do you live?”
She didn’t answer me.
“What is your address?”
“29805.” She answered in a mid-soprano voice.
“Interesting.”
“What?”
“I live across the street from you.”
I saw her close her eyes again and groan, probably from the displeasure of knowing she would see me every day. I landed on her roof and was extra careful about her skin wings so I wouldn’t cut them. She stood up and the moon behind her made her glow with a silver light. I didn’t think it was possible but she looked even more beautiful than before. I couldn’t help but smile.
“Y-you should go.” My bliss shattered.
“What? Why?”
“I-I don’t want you to be caught standing on our roof.”
I resumed my smiling as I glided over to my roof. I caught one last glimpse of her before I climbed into my room window. I passed out on my bed and woke up with the sun in my face. I did my homework and went downstairs to sneak food up to my room. I closed my eyes and thought about Angela for the rest of the day.


The author's comments:
this is the second part of chapter one. i know that they are both chapter one. pay attention to who narrates it.

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This article has 29 comments.


Yuelong GOLD said...
on Jul. 6 2010 at 3:27 pm
Yuelong GOLD, Bellevue, Washington
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
Win the Darwin award already!

awesome! i'm trying to get my dad to get me a subscription because it has Bleach in it and i'm not there all the time to watch it on tv and my mom thinks tv is bad for me, actually she thinks a lot of things i like are bad for me.

-Diva- SILVER said...
on Jun. 30 2010 at 11:55 pm
-Diva- SILVER, Eatonville, Washington
6 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request" -(From Pirates of the Caribbean)

This world would be mighty boring if everything was serious. :D I did not know about the Shonen Jump but now I do.

Yuelong GOLD said...
on Jun. 24 2010 at 11:42 pm
Yuelong GOLD, Bellevue, Washington
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
Win the Darwin award already!

it's sooo wierd, but not EVERYTHING should be serious right? i sometimes see it in shonen jump, you know, big fat manga magazine?

-Diva- SILVER said...
on Jun. 23 2010 at 5:46 pm
-Diva- SILVER, Eatonville, Washington
6 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request" -(From Pirates of the Caribbean)

Yeah. I take you've seen One Piece.

Yuelong GOLD said...
on Jun. 23 2010 at 2:11 pm
Yuelong GOLD, Bellevue, Washington
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
Win the Darwin award already!

nice avatar, is that luffy?

Yuelong GOLD said...
on May. 31 2010 at 1:39 pm
Yuelong GOLD, Bellevue, Washington
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
Win the Darwin award already!

now there is more! some are called prophecy btw.

Yuelong GOLD said...
on May. 28 2010 at 5:51 pm
Yuelong GOLD, Bellevue, Washington
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
Win the Darwin award already!

didja get to read my other parts of the story? like your story(awesome btw) it's broken into chunks.

on May. 27 2010 at 8:24 pm
...PensiveGurl... PLATINUM, Aurora, Colorado
20 articles 0 photos 268 comments

Favorite Quote:
You get ideas from daydreaming. You get ideas from being bored. You get ideas all the time. The only difference between writers and other people is we notice when we're doing it- Neil Gaiman.
Who are you to be who you are?-Le'Na Pernell

Awesomeness! i loved this 5/5!

Yuelong GOLD said...
on Mar. 6 2010 at 6:12 pm
Yuelong GOLD, Bellevue, Washington
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
Win the Darwin award already!

i try not to use a lot of the same words in a chapter, but i also try to keep it interesting. and in a natural flow at the same time.

-Diva- SILVER said...
on Mar. 5 2010 at 10:58 pm
-Diva- SILVER, Eatonville, Washington
6 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request" -(From Pirates of the Caribbean)

But you see you don't try to sound formal. Many people try to make their words sound high and mighty but it really doesn't work. You may not try to make your work sound formal but really at least you don't try to impress people with it by using tough words. That is what I really like about your story. Keep it up. Just write what you love. Don't try to impress anyone because it will mess up your work.

Yuelong GOLD said...
on Mar. 5 2010 at 7:19 pm
Yuelong GOLD, Bellevue, Washington
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
Win the Darwin award already!

yeah, i never really try to make it sound formal. it makes you feel like you don't have to dress up really nice just to read anymore. in a formal book it feels like that sometimes.

-Diva- SILVER said...
on Mar. 5 2010 at 7:12 pm
-Diva- SILVER, Eatonville, Washington
6 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request" -(From Pirates of the Caribbean)

Your writing is so fun and interesting to read. You don't stick the normal, everyday words that you would hear into your work. The words just flows together. It moves around a lot in the story but it isn't chunky.

Yuelong GOLD said...
on Mar. 5 2010 at 11:37 am
Yuelong GOLD, Bellevue, Washington
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
Win the Darwin award already!

a lot o fpeople say i'm articulate. i just sort of absorb words and put them together like a jugsaw puzzle.

Yuelong GOLD said...
on Mar. 5 2010 at 11:34 am
Yuelong GOLD, Bellevue, Washington
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
Win the Darwin award already!

just so you know, i changed the title to prophecy. the old one was too close to angels and demons, which is not mine.

twiwrite GOLD said...
on Jan. 29 2010 at 3:00 pm
twiwrite GOLD, Modesto, California
14 articles 0 photos 111 comments

Favorite Quote:
none :P

mmmmm.... interesting. cant wait for more!

Yuelong GOLD said...
on Jan. 21 2010 at 11:50 am
Yuelong GOLD, Bellevue, Washington
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
Win the Darwin award already!

you know, if you don't like it you don't have to comment.

on Jan. 20 2010 at 6:03 pm
Just_Some_Guy BRONZE, Natick, Massachusetts
4 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
Reading is the thing we do to remind us of how much we'll never know.

You certainly should.

Yuelong GOLD said...
on Jan. 20 2010 at 5:38 pm
Yuelong GOLD, Bellevue, Washington
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
Win the Darwin award already!

he's afraid of getting beaten because it's happened before, i'll explain later in the story why if i can.

on Jan. 20 2010 at 5:35 pm
Just_Some_Guy BRONZE, Natick, Massachusetts
4 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
Reading is the thing we do to remind us of how much we'll never know.

I can only see part two in the list of your works.

What I mean is, the reason is seems whiny when you meant him to seem differently is because this is a first draft. It needs to be changed, molded, formed into something beautiful. Right now it's like a piece of marble with bits and pieces missing, but with revision it will be a wonderful statue.

The rule to live by: If you need to explain it for the reader to understand (For example, I didn't see anything about discrimination in there), you need to change something so that they understand it just by reading the piece.

Yuelong GOLD said...
on Jan. 20 2010 at 5:30 pm
Yuelong GOLD, Bellevue, Washington
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
Win the Darwin award already!

it sort of explains why, you know about discrimination right? people hating each other for no good reason? that's why he's worried, he's not into hitting so he's afraid he'll get beat or something bad.


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