As we walked step by step, shivering under our coats from the snow, Joel patiently waited for my response. Yet, I couldn’t give him an answer. Even though I knew exactly what I wanted to say.


“Kate,” he began, putting his hand on my shoulder. “What do you say? We have been friends forever now, and I really, really like you.”


I wanted to shout, ‘Yes! I would love to go out. I really like you too.’ but the words wouldn’t come. My vision was blurred with tears. Tears that I knew wouldn’t help me say what I truly felt.


“Joel, I-I don’t know. I mean, I’ll have to talk to my parents.” What a pathetic excuse.


“I’ve asked already. They don’t mind at all.” he chuckled, then said, “Who could say no to this face?” he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to a stop. His cold fingers gently pulled my face towards his. His bright, blue eyes were pleading. I wanted to fall into him, but something restrained me. Something I hated with a passion. His face drew closer to mine, inches away.


“Tell me when to stop.” he whispered, kissing my lips so gently and loving, there was no reason why I would say no.


“Stop.” I pulled away from him, forcing my legs to walk away. Tears boiled over now. Why don’t you just tell him you love him?


“Kate! Wait, I’m sorry. I shouldn-”


“Joel!” I shouted, not from anything he did, but because of what I was doing. “Just leave me alone. I can’t take you. All you do is pressure me.” I bit my tongue so hard I could taste the blood in my mouth. What did I just do? He’s never pressured me, he’s never raised his voice at me. He’s has always been the greatest friend you could ask for. Yet, I steadily push him away; until one day I know he’ll be gone for good.


“I what?” he asked, his voice dripping with shock. “I never meant to.” I spun around to meet his gaze. He was standing a few feet back, his face pained.


“That’s exactly it. Your always so nice, so perfect. I don’t deserve you.”


“Kate, how could you think that? I’m the one that doesn’t deserve you.”

He started to walk closer, and I began to back up.


“No, Joel. Just leave.” the words stung my tongue as they flew through my gritted teeth.


“Fine, Kate. But please, always know I’m waiting for you. And I always will be.”