Lights

August 20, 2009
By TheUnknownGuest GOLD, Woodbridge, Virginia
TheUnknownGuest GOLD, Woodbridge, Virginia
14 articles 4 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
I can't remember it clearly, but it went something like this:

"The past is the past, the future is the furture. But now, now is like a gift, which is why it is called present."


I walk up the door that holds him safely in there. He usally always comes back to see me from, I don't know where. When he is gone, I am forced to be alone. As i reach the top of the stairs where the door sits and waits for me to knock, I see no sign of a light in the house. I hope to soon see a light. I walk around his dark house until, after a long walk around a big dark house, I see a dim light. I look further too see any sign of him possible. Finnaly, I see him looking at me through the window. I am so excited that I almost forget why I was there.
He starts running down the stars while I run up them to him. Then, we kissed. When we broke from each other, we started talking about what happend when we were apart. I was about to ask him where he goes when he isn't here, but i didn't get a chance.
I left his house with a smile on my face. Sadly, I never went back to his house ever again. I'm not sure why. To this day, I still miss him a lot.


The author's comments:
I hope you like it. I'm a begginer and not the best at spelling.... Sorry. :)

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This article has 23 comments.


on Nov. 8 2011 at 7:48 pm
TheUnknownGuest GOLD, Woodbridge, Virginia
14 articles 4 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
I can't remember it clearly, but it went something like this:

"The past is the past, the future is the furture. But now, now is like a gift, which is why it is called present."

Thanks! If I ever have time and/or the inspiration, I will. :)

raeee GOLD said...
on Nov. 8 2011 at 5:32 pm
raeee GOLD, Walla Walla, Georgia
15 articles 3 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Would she hear me if I called her name? Would she hold me if she knew my shame? Would she even love me if I was to blame?" -Favourite poem ever♥

It's nice and very sweet. A few suggestions, if you wish to expand on this piece, would be:

1. Add more detail. Why does the main character feel this way about him?

2. How does he feel when they're not together?

3. Was she filled with adrenaline / excitment when she saw him running towards her?

Spice it up a little, but don't spice it up SO MUCH that there isn't a plot towards it. 

Other than that, wonderful piece, and I know you'll get better with time. (:


on Aug. 10 2011 at 2:07 am
TheUnknownGuest GOLD, Woodbridge, Virginia
14 articles 4 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
I can't remember it clearly, but it went something like this:

"The past is the past, the future is the furture. But now, now is like a gift, which is why it is called present."

Thank you for the advice everyone!! I will keep it in mind for future writings. :)

on Jul. 23 2011 at 2:44 pm
billgamesh11 BRONZE, Grafton, Massachusetts
3 articles 0 photos 278 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's always darkest before the dawn." ~Florence and the Machine

It wasn't bad, but I would've liked it even more if you had continued the story for longer, but sill, nice story and keep writing!!!:):):)

on Jun. 19 2011 at 9:27 pm
NKsunshine BRONZE, Palatine, Illinois
1 article 0 photos 77 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I don't need easy, I just need possible!" ~Bethany Hamilton

Very cute, but I agree with WRITEfluidity, you should give alittle more detail to what is happening, and who the characters are:)

smith said...
on Apr. 2 2011 at 11:56 pm
nice writing.. love it

on Mar. 23 2011 at 11:10 pm
heiwagirl SILVER, Enumclaw, Washington
6 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
You just have to live your life not careing what they think and just shake off the drama and prove to them that you are better than they think you are.

I agree it does seem like a small part of another story.

on Mar. 13 2011 at 9:34 pm
m.ashley92 SILVER, Memphis, Tennessee
5 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
The imagination exercises a powerful influence over every act of sense, thought, reason,
-- over every idea.
Latin Proverb

this story is a mystery to me, i'm not sure why she never saw him again, or why he leaves, but i do want to find out. it was a great post.

theLJ said...
on Mar. 13 2011 at 8:45 pm
theLJ, Somewhere, Iowa
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments
This seems like a small part of a bigger story. But I really like it. One comment on it is that you have two different tenses through the story, both past and present. You start it out in present tense and in the second paragraph you changed to past tense. Also, try typing it up in Windows, or whatever you have, and you can correct the mistakes. Great start! A really nice story.

on Jan. 29 2011 at 6:27 pm
TheUnknownGuest GOLD, Woodbridge, Virginia
14 articles 4 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
I can't remember it clearly, but it went something like this:

"The past is the past, the future is the furture. But now, now is like a gift, which is why it is called present."

lol no it's fine. lol I didn't really know quite how to write it either. Believe me, I find it a little weird when people rate it so high, but I guess it's good to them so I'm not complaining. :)

KellyR GOLD said...
on Dec. 15 2010 at 4:18 pm
KellyR GOLD, Richmond, Virginia
14 articles 0 photos 258 comments

Favorite Quote:
We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

I thought it was nice, though I'm not sure why it is on the top rated. I am not trying to be offensive in any way, so sorry if that sounds harsh. Anyway, your wording seems a bit awkward and there isn't much of a plot. Keep Working and you will do great things!

on Oct. 11 2010 at 10:23 pm
his was great, I loved it, ome grammer issues but great potential!!!!!!!!

on Oct. 10 2010 at 3:17 pm
KeepReading BRONZE, Kansas City, Missouri
4 articles 13 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
“So the writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads.”
―Dr. Seuss

for spelling and grammar, i just write my stuff on word and then copy and paste it in, it helps me, hope it helps u!

. said...
on Oct. 8 2010 at 8:34 am
it was good, you should write more... about who he is and who you are maybe? and a little more about  where you are too. but i loved it:) great potential

on Jun. 22 2010 at 10:06 am
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

This was nice, just some grammar mistakes, and you might want to elaborate a bit.  Still, great job.  Keep writing!

Btw, anyone who sees this, will you check out and comment on my work?


on May. 2 2010 at 10:40 am
WRITEfluidity, Bartlett, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Though the brave may not live as long, the cautious hardly live at all." Myself.

You need to give us a bit more detail, because it's fairly confusing as to what's actually going on. We don't know who either of these characters are, nor what they look like, nor the feelings going through their minds. For a strarting writer, I think it was better then some of the things I saw, but needs a little more work.

on Mar. 4 2010 at 11:50 pm
dianepoon PLATINUM, Hong Kong, Other
27 articles 0 photos 23 comments
more adjectives are needed

on Nov. 15 2009 at 2:12 pm
traveler03 GOLD, San Juan, Texas
14 articles 0 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
Living is nothing. Dreaming is something.

this is really good:)

lexi<3 GOLD said...
on Nov. 15 2009 at 12:56 pm
lexi<3 GOLD, Spaulding, South Dakota
15 articles 7 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

i really like this. its cute and serious at once

on Oct. 3 2009 at 9:06 am
EHunt96 PLATINUM, Swampscott, Massachusetts
32 articles 0 photos 215 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about."

Thanks and keep up the good work!!!!!!!!


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