God, I know I haven't talked to you in a while. I need you, if your there. Please just help me change my ways. I have realized lately the way I have been treating everyone around me, it's definitely not the right way. Please just help me to not care what others think of me.
This whole mess started in my junior year of high school. We lived in California until my dad got a job in Oregon. My parents tried to break the news to me easily, but there wasn't an easy way to put it. We were moving from my home where I was born and raised and nothing would change that. We left California and headed to Oregon. As we left, tears fell down my face. I was leaving my friends and everything I'd known.
Before I knew it the summer was over. Now it was time to get back to having homework every night and waking up at 6:00 am. I was going to be a newbie at Winterwood High. I felt like my parents were setting me up to fail. Did they know what it was like to move schools in their junior year? It definitely didn't feel like it. Since I was going to a new school and state I thought about the advantages of that. I would have the chance to re-invent myself. No one would know me or who I am at all, so I would just have to make a good impression.
Today was August the 11, the first day of school. I didn’t have any siblings or anyone I knew at the school, so no one could even look out for me. It was up to me to show my “best self”. Once I got to my first class I felt a hundred eyes on my back. I needed to get everyone's attention to me. I consistently tapped my foot as I pondered what to do. I had to figure out the popular crowd and stick with it. The easiest place that made a clear distinction of the groups was lunch. I knew this was going to be the start of something new, but I definitely didn't know what I was in for at the time.
I became the girl my mom always warned me about. I talked back, stayed out late all the time, and began to push my family away. My parents were trying everything to get through to me but nothing worked. Not until something greater decided to step in.
It was Saturday night. The dark and muggy air came over me as I got out of the car with my friends. Truthfully, at the time, I didn't even know where we were heading. I followed the gang to the house with blaring music. This party was filled with kids from all different schools. I really didn't even recognize half of them. It was all mostly a big blur to me. But there is one moment from that night that I will never forget. A bunch of the boys were daring each other to jump off the roof. I couldn't believe their stupidity. There was a scrawny boy that Ive seen before, he was a main target that all the boys picked on. I remembered that he got invited as a joke. They were all pressuring him to jump off. And like most people, he fell into the pressure. The poor boy jumped off and when he landed everyone heard a snap. He couldn't get up and was on the floor in agonizing pain. A stampede of people started to flee the scene. They didn't want anything to do with what they pressured him into. The friends that I came with grabbed me by the arm and said hurry get in the car. From this moment I wanted to change how my life had become. I told her I couldn't leave this boy all alone to suffer. Long story short my friends left me and drove away. I immediately called the ambulance and it was to the scene within 7 minutes. I talked to the boy and found out his name was Jimmy. I tried to keep Jimmy calm because I knew how much pain he was in. Then the police arrived too. When they got there they asked me to call my parent, which I did. My parents got there in 20 minutes when it took me and my friends about 40. I saw the look in my parents face, disappointment, anger, and sadness. I knew I didn't want to be that way, I wanted to go back to my old ways. You could say that the car ride back home wasn't very fun. I was yelled at and grounded for life. The first step to change was accepting my punishment. I knew I deserved what was coming to me.
The next days at school I made the choice to sit with a different group of people. They were very nice and welcoming, they reminded me of my friends from California. My new friends made me want to strive to be a new version of myself. When I got home from school that day I realized that I have been throwing everyone out including God. Right there in my bedroom I fell to the floor to pray. God, I know I haven't talked to you in a while. I need you, if your there. Please just help me change my ways.I have realized lately the way I have been treating everyone around me, it's definitely not the right way. Please just help me to not care about what others think of me.
I talked to Jimmy at school and he told me his arm was broken. I started to become friends with Jimmy because he was lonely all the time. My new friends and I greeted him and he started to hang with us. But with that came its challenges. I started to get picked on for not hanging out with people that were cool. I know now that this was my first test from God. I began to drift apart from my new friends, I didn't want to get bullied anymore. I started to re think my new friendships. I realized that I wanted to change for the better. My new friends were people that had started to help me do that. I shouldn't be ashamed of my friends, they had amazing qualities. They were smart, kind, encouraging, and so much more. I wasn't getting into trouble anymore. My parents had a new look in their eyes, they looked proud of me. I haven't seen that in there face in awhile. I wanted my parents to stay proud of me. The key to my change was my faith to Jesus Christ.