When Pigs Fly, I'll be Skinny

April 23, 2017

Wake up.

Time for school. Dress yourself. No, not that dress, who do you think you are? Kylie Jenner? Yes, that dress. Hides the rolls. Loose and long. I don’t wanna go today. Yesterday Becky recommended I take the vegetarian option for lunch. She thinks I’m fat. They all think I’m fat. They think I’m not pretty. I’m not.
I'm not good enough. Mom said so too.
I wish I could please them. I wish I could please her.
I wish I was beautiful.
No, don’t look in the mirror. Never look at yourself you fat pig. If you do you can’t stop looking at yourself. Always avoid mirrors. Always avoid flashy clothes. Always avoid people. Keep your head down. Maybe then you’ll seem more normal.
God, their all looking at me. I know it. I feel it. I hate my body. Pink, blubbery, cold flesh. I feel their eyes on it all. 
Is he looking at me? He’d never look at me. He likes skinny girls. Cheerleaders. Basically anyone but me. I don’t deserve him anyways.
He’s talking to me, what? Must be a mistake. Head down, walk away, before you do something stupid. He even smells angelic. How is that possible?
Just go home.
Dinner time. Don’t eat. Don’t eat. Fine, small bites. Small bites... too much! Can I be excused?
Stumble away, rush to the bathroom, lock the door, trip over your fat self, hug the toilet, cry like a baby, and, release.

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