A Stolen Page in My Heart

March 9, 2017
By monikitty12 PLATINUM, New York City, New York
monikitty12 PLATINUM, New York City, New York
35 articles 0 photos 52 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't cry because its over. Smile because it happened.


I don’t know how I got here, but all I know is I feel peaceful. The yelling and crying dissolve from my brain as I breathe in the fresh air of the pine trees all around me. My life is crumbling within my fingertips and I am just as helpless to save it just like I was helpless to prevent my brother from committing suicide. I still remember his glassy eyes as his tears kept on flowing. Be strong, Elena. Don’t try to walk in my shoes to understand why.

 

Without my older brother, I felt more alone than ever. I spent the past few years trying to keep myself busy, but all the fighting and smashing plates wouldn’t mend itself. In every book I read and every movie I watch, I get reminded by the problems the protagonists pave through, and how they used all their willful energy to solve it. Why can’t I solve it? Why does it drown me, and keep me trapped in a hole? My best friend left behind five years of friendship to be with a boy who didn’t even care about her, my father left my mother for a punk rocker, and my mother dosed on drugs and delved into depression. I was struggling in school, and no one dared to notice. My smiles and laughter displayed my ‘happiness,’ but no one knew better. Nobody knew I was suffering and forcing myself to stay strong.

 

And here I was, melting under the late afternoon sun, laying with a good book. I was slowly dying on the inside. With nobody that would listen to me, nobody that would maintain a conversation, and definitely nobody to try to hang out with me, I spent my days flipping paper pages looking for an adventure to distract me. But, in order to go on an adventure, one must have the willpower of a dragon. That ball of fire had disappeared inside of me, all that’s left was grief. Tears upon tears, and regrets.

 

I don’t know how I can ever find myself again.


The author's comments:

I guess when people reach a breaking point in their lives, they can't help but write about it yknow? They want people to know what they are going through, because they want others to sympathesize and give them advice. But I don't know how to get advice, and my only friend would be the internet. 


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