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girl or human? This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

By , Sedro Wooley, WA
They drew up the blueprints before I was born, disregarding the girl they intended to shape. They drew up the plans for a perfect body. A house, a car, a city- and a girl’s body. We are all the same, these machines and I; toys for him to play with. But those other toys are expensive and valuable; they must be cared for. I am low maintenance. I am disposable. They drew up the blueprints for this perfect body, and printed it helpfully on the pages of magazines. They modeled it in the form of Barbie dolls with missing limbs, empty eyes- and perfect skin. They contained it in weight loss pills and bottled perfection. They had no time for a custom design; these plans were standard, photocopied from the files of tv shows and blockbuster stars. But then they saw their blueprints were flawed; they had forgotten the insides. They tried to fill me up, last minute, with leftovers. My insides filled up with the same poison as on the outside; thoughts of sexiness and thoughts of Him, perfection mixed with starvation. But the clockwork only ground harder against itself, twisted around itself. The outer shell’s perfect proportions grew shrunken and warped. I moved out of rhythm, and I ran to the only source of power they had placed in my head. I ran to him. And then I ran to another him. I want from him to him to him, and he took me until he saw the twisted clockwork inside and tossed me in the scrap heap. And then the gears turned one last time and my glass skeleton shattered.
“S***.” They said. But I am disposable.



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CammyS said...
Mar. 21, 2013 at 11:30 am
I loved this story! The mystery of who 'they" are mixed with the compelling story really made for a good story. One suggestion: the whole story isn't really personal, getting into the deep feelings of the girl. That isn't a bad thing at all, as it really works with the story. But maybe instead of 1st person, go with 3rd? The 1st doesn't really work with the general theme of your story. Either way, great piece, 5 out of 5 stars!
 
jetta.ckThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Mar. 21, 2013 at 5:56 pm
I agree - it seemed like the girl was a robot rather than a human presenting her story. You needed to include more personal feelings if you wanted to establish that she was a normal girl... In addition, I felt that the ending was a little bit of a letdown. I expected something quick and clever to appear in the text, but was disappointed when the end did not scale up to the former magnificence of the story.
 
Haebinee This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 21, 2013 at 12:29 am
This is sooo cool... in a scary way! :D I love the way you described the artificial beauty of the girl and her "blueprint". Oh, and if you have time, please check out my poems too!
 
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