Mommy?

July 13, 2011
By FrownMonaLisa SILVER, Arlington, Texas
FrownMonaLisa SILVER, Arlington, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened


It’s cold, and she’s alone.
Mia did just like mommy told her “sit here and wait. Mommy will be back soon” So Mia sat and Mia waited. Everyday, on this bench, in this park, Mia sat. She marks a single line on her hand for each day. One, two, three; she wrote that one with a purple pen from a nice man; four five, six, seven; that’s the day the boy shared candy; eight, nine, ten. What’s the number after ten? Mrs. Maney had told her before, what wait it, Eleven! Then twelve, thirteen, fourteen, Mia grew tired. Too many lines to count. They went all the way up her arm.
An old man walked up and smiled at her; but Mia didn’t want a smile, she wanted his sandwich. Her stomach growled as she looked at the food. He saw her staring “would you like some?” Mia nodded her head yes. The kind man gave her his sandwich then walked away. In the blink of an eye it was gone. How many days had it been since Mia last ate, she checked the lines, one, two, three, and four. Four days since the last star, this meant four days since she last ate.
Mia wished Mommy would hurry, it was beginning to grow very cold. As Mia sat shivering on the bench she heard two women whispering “Every day she sits on that bench. She’s always wearing the same outfit” “It looks like she hasn’t bathed in weeks!” Mia looked down, she knew she was dirty and mommy would be mad when she got back. But Mia didn’t have any clothes, and she didn’t know the way home.
A big man in a blue uniform with a shinny badge walked up to her. Mia knew who it was, it was a police officer. Mommy didn’t like police officers. “Hello there little girl” Mia looked up “What’s your name?” Mia stared “It’s ok you can tell me” “Mia” she whispered softly, her throat hurt for the coughing earlier “Well Mia could you tell me where your Mommy is?” Mia shook her head no, blinking tears out of her eyes “Why don’t you come with me darling” he said holding out his big hand. She knew better than to say no to him. She stood from the bench and reached for his hand. The man led her to a car with red and white lights on top. Mia knew that the man was going to take her away. He handed her a blanket and placed her in the car.
Mia began to cry, she didn’t want to leave. If she left now how would she ever find Mommy? Mommy . told her to sit there and wait. She said she would be back soon. But soon seemed like a long time, especially to a five year old girl. But Mia didn’t mind waiting. She just wanted her mommy back. She promised to be a good girl. Always do what Mommy said. She didn’t want to loose Mommy like she lost Daddy. Mommy please come back, please.



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This article has 10 comments.


on Dec. 24 2013 at 8:38 am
TanazMasaba GOLD, Dhaka, Other
16 articles 10 photos 214 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's Heaven on Earth."













---William W. Purkey

Psst...btw...um you and I and a few others were working on this chain story a looooooong time ago, but then it died. :( I was wondering if I could borrow the characters you made and re-wrote as my own story? I'll mention you were a part of it ofcourse but I just really want to write that story my way since it died and probably wont come back again.

on Dec. 24 2013 at 8:35 am
TanazMasaba GOLD, Dhaka, Other
16 articles 10 photos 214 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's Heaven on Earth."













---William W. Purkey

I love this story. It's so beautiful!

on Aug. 12 2011 at 8:11 pm
Sinister-Von GOLD, Shawnee, Oklahoma
11 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
never stop doing what you love, The past makes you who you are today. Live for today and not for tomorrow

I love this it made me cry

on Jul. 30 2011 at 2:04 pm
FrownMonaLisa SILVER, Arlington, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened

Thanks everyone!! Could you get others to read this and comment please. I'll love it if you do!!

on Jul. 29 2011 at 11:08 am
WiseGirl BRONZE, Adams, Tennessee
4 articles 0 photos 82 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I think, therefore I am."
-Rene Decartes

Really good!

on Jul. 28 2011 at 10:34 pm
VioletRoyal BRONZE, Lebanon, Indiana
3 articles 0 photos 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To be great takes time." - NK

This made me want to cry!  Such a sad story!  It was really good.

tealbird said...
on Jul. 28 2011 at 1:04 pm
This was great!! I loved how you did an excellent job writing from the perspective of such a young girl, and you hit it spot on! The message behind it is really deep. Excellent work!!!

on Jul. 27 2011 at 8:32 am
Alcanno DIAMOND, Mexia, Texas
59 articles 0 photos 670 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you love life, don't waste time, for time is what life is
made up of."

-- Bruce Lee

This is SO powerful. I have chills.... The way you wrote this is amazing and perfectly fits the mood and tone of the article, as well as Mia's perspective, being so young. You are very talented- Keep writing! :)

on Jul. 25 2011 at 7:30 pm
KenyaLove41 GOLD, Dallas, Texas
16 articles 0 photos 84 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent." ~Ambrose Bierce
"Nothing is Impossible, the word itself says 'I'm Possible!'" ~ Audrey Hepburn
"Good writing is only bad writing revised"~ Unknown

Ohmygosh, i love love love this story it's so sad but touching and wonderful i hope this gets into the magazine!

on Jul. 25 2011 at 7:20 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Aw, this is so sad.  It's really good too, but you should really vary your sentence length; you have a lot of short sentences.  I know it fits the age of Mia, but please try to vary the lengths to avoid annoying your readers.


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