Snapshot Memory

August 3, 2010
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I sit here, looking at this picture, reliving the memories that are vague, and distant to me. The pain I feel, more real now then it was then. The happiness I seemingly forgot over the years, now replaced by hatered. Not for those around me, but for myself. I am a mess.

August 15th 2008
I remember that date as if it were yesterday, looking back on it now I think for me, I hurt for those that were lost, those that were forgotten, forgotten like me. I let the tears fall to the gound as the faded picture in my hands mocks my misery. For those days are long gone, and in their place came days that dragged on and on. I'm walkng to the door, as I fall to my knees crying, begging for that day back, the day that changed my life. Begging to tell him to slow down, to stop, to breathe. To think, think about me, us, all that we lost. Lost that day and the days after. I hit the ground running, past the busy lifeof the small town. Past the stores, and cars, and people passing. I am avoiding their stares, as I have avoided them for 3 years, the stares of pity, of remorse. Ignoring their whispers of my sweet tradgedy, my subtle approach to my insanity. I slow down, passing those six feet under. Looking for a name printed out beautifully on the headstone. The name I had grown to love, to be in love with. There, I see it now. I stop dead in my tracks glaring at it. Throwing my mental anguish towards it. For he cannot feel what I feel right now. He is painless, he doesnt have to suffer like I. I sit here, until dawn. Waking up to find him sitting next to me. Smiling, as if to tell me that everything will be okay. I reach out to touch him, but grasp nothing but hair. In his place the harsh, cold reality that is now my life. Pain staking really. I walk home, past the quiet sleeping town. As I approach the steps, the picture of August 15th 2008 is sitting there, this time I feel no pain, I dont feel it mocking me with the smiles of those inside the snapshot memory. As I stare at it, I can feel my heart begin to heal. The start of something new for me. For once, in a long time, I begin to feel whole, peace, at ease.

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