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whispers down the hallway

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In my school, no one accepts difference.
All the junior high classes are in one hallway. The lockers are in the homerooms. The classes have around 25kids each, and there are no choices.
I'm too smart for these classes. I spend every day writing in my journal or doodling in the margins.
My journal. The forbidden object. Everyone wants to read it, and everyone is afraid to.
I sit quietly (mostly) in every class and read whatever book I brought that day. I'm a quick reader, so I can read a 700 page book in 3 days.
Another forbidden entity.
I braided yarn into bracelets, sometimes wearing so many my entire forearms were covered.
My 3rd forbidden piece.
I made myself a braided choker too, and always had one around my neck.
Make that four forbidden things.
Everyday, I heard whispers of 'freak', 'emo' and 'w****'. No one knew me at all.
One day, the meanest popular girl walked right up to me and said "Why do you hide all you scars?" I just stared blankly at her. She tossed her hair and said "Your CUTTING scars, you emo freak." I walked to my locker and grabbed my scisors and walked back up to her. I lifted them in her face, and reached down and cut off ALL my braclets, just staring in her eyes. I shoved my unblemished, unscarred, smooth white forearm in her face and said "What scars?" I smirked. My few 'friends' (the few people who let my sit at their table at lunch and hang out at recess in exchange for help on homework) laughed or applauded me.
None of them knew I cried myself to sleep that night.
I let people read my journal. There weren't many names in it, so it couldn't seem to hurt. A few weeks later, my mom got a call from the assitant principal. Most of the popular's moms had called the assitant principal to complain about ME.
They asked that I be expelled 'for the safety of their own children'.
Thankfully, my assitant principal and my mom agreed the accusations were ridiculous.
The next day at school, my journal was confiscated. I didn't get it back until a week later, and then was told never to bring it back to school. I was pulled from religion class to meet with the guidance counselor.
No one knew we HAD a guidance counselor.
She wanted me to think of her as a friend I could confide anything to. She wanted me to describe my experiances at the school, and how the other kids treated me and everyone else, and how it made me feel. Then she lectured me on not giving into dark feelings.
Basically, they had written me off as depressed.

My dad said that I say and do things just to make people squirm sometimes.

He's right.





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