Cinderella

July 14, 2010
By lusis BRONZE, San Jose, California
lusis BRONZE, San Jose, California
3 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is the novelist's innate cowardice that makes him depute to imaginary personalities the sins that he is too cautious to commit for himself." Anthony Burgess


Her nails are painted black again for the first time in a long time. Her eyes are outlined, her short hair curled, her feet in bright red three inch heels.

MAKE LOVE NOT WAR, reads the shirt tossed on her bed, the one she had worn to school. It is her customary look these days: skinny jeans unintentionally ripped at the knees, black boots with the leather peeling off the toe, and an unfitted T-shirt, preferably those free ones handed out at school events.

She smiles at her reflection in the mirror. She is a modern Cinderella, one without a fairy godmother.

“Giselle.” A knock sounds at the door, and it is pushed open. “C’mon, it’s getting late. We need to go now.”

She nods, grabbing her purse. It is prom night tonight. She has no date.

Ten minutes later, colored lights swing across the ceiling, music thumps through the speakers, bodies gyrate to the beat, and she pretends that everyone is secretly watching her. The people sitting in the dark corners of the room, perhaps, sipping drinks and eating cake at round tables covered in long purple table cloth are watching her. Or perhaps the other dancers are impressed, trying to move like she did, gracefully and without inhibition. Maybe a certain someone has finally noticed her, and she wants to measure his reaction, so she leaves the dance floor and heads to the food in the corner, where she can secretly look without suspicion.

“Giselle?” A hand rests on her bare shoulder, and she freezes, chocolate covered strawberry lifted halfway to her mouth. The voice cuts through her, cuts through the pounding music and the whispered conversation of idle classmates.

“Oh, Tyrone, I didn’t realize you were here.” It is a blatant lie.

“Yeah, I got here a little late.” Tyrone shrugs a little and reaches over to the strawberries, accidentally brushing against her. He smells of cigarette smoke, of loud music and chattering voices, of cheap perfume. “You know, I didn’t recognize you for a moment there.”

“Really?” She lifts her drink, takes a sip, pretends to be nonchalant.

“Mhmm. You look really nice.”

Startled, she looks up at him, dark eyes and soft smile, neat pressed suit and a red flower pinned to his lapel. Red, like her dress.

“Oh, thank you!” She laughs a little too late, and it sounds fake to her own ears. “You are looking quite fancy yourself!”

“Thanks, Giselle,” Tyrone grabs another strawberry. He is already moving away. “Well, then I guess I’ll be seeing you later.”

She waves, and then the smile drops off her face as she turns down the hallway.

Inside the bathroom, she walks past the three sinks in the wall, watching her reflection break twice and then disappear. She stands in front of the floor length mirror and studies herself. Her eyebrows are perfectly arched, her nose is too big perhaps, and her eyes too small. Her lips are pretty and glossed. They might look kissable.

She frowns at herself. Unlike Cinderella, her prince won’t find her and she will have no happily ever after. Tomorrow, she will be back in her beat up boots and too big T-shirt, her nails chipped and her make up removed.

But then again, she is the one who chooses to wear ripped skinny jeans, to tie her hair back messily. She is the one who knows she can be a princess, if only she wanted to be one.

Giselle smiles at her reflection in the mirror. She is a modern Cinderella, and she doesn’t need a fairy godmother.


The author's comments:
Inspired by prom back in March.

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This article has 9 comments.


deka9 said...
on Aug. 17 2010 at 12:38 am

Hey Lusis. The good news is the the stucture and the mechanics seemed flawless. Although I prefer "tonight" out of the sentence; "It is prom night" sounds enough.

The bad news is it left me uninspired. It seems so typical. I don't know. Excuse of my lack of better words, it sucked the life out of me. I know I am too harsh because you are a great writer, but that's what I feel. Probably because I'm a little worn out and not in the mood to read? I don't know. Sorry.

My suggestion (you don't have to listen to me) is for you to go out and live. Hahaha, okay that doesn't sound right, but do you know what I mean? Go and be inspired and then write to inspire others. Continue the inspirations. If you don't feel inspired when you write, then the readers won't feel it too. Flawless grammars can only take you so far. Breathe life into your works.

Perhaps I will feel different about this piece if it's longer with the background and all. Anyways, sorry that I'm not helping and giving you a feedback so late.


lusis BRONZE said...
on Jul. 24 2010 at 3:17 pm
lusis BRONZE, San Jose, California
3 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is the novelist's innate cowardice that makes him depute to imaginary personalities the sins that he is too cautious to commit for himself." Anthony Burgess

Hahha I guess I'll take that as a compliment. Yeah I know what you mean. This whole idea is a bit cliche. Thanks for the feedback!

on Jul. 24 2010 at 2:23 pm
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

I'm going to be honest with you because I think that you're a fabulous writer and remember your work being mind-blowing. So, with that said, this is not your best. I don't know, maybe I'm a little spoiled by your other two, but this is a little typical. A little too familiar. Of course your writing is great, but I just feel like I've heard it all before. That's all though.

lusis BRONZE said...
on Jul. 24 2010 at 2:18 pm
lusis BRONZE, San Jose, California
3 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is the novelist's innate cowardice that makes him depute to imaginary personalities the sins that he is too cautious to commit for himself." Anthony Burgess

Good to know the style was decent. I probably won't be continuing this though :c Thanks!

lusis BRONZE said...
on Jul. 24 2010 at 2:17 pm
lusis BRONZE, San Jose, California
3 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is the novelist's innate cowardice that makes him depute to imaginary personalities the sins that he is too cautious to commit for himself." Anthony Burgess

 Sometimes I think I observe too much and get lost in the details, so I'm glad this worked out. Thanks!

lusis BRONZE said...
on Jul. 24 2010 at 2:15 pm
lusis BRONZE, San Jose, California
3 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is the novelist's innate cowardice that makes him depute to imaginary personalities the sins that he is too cautious to commit for himself." Anthony Burgess

Thank you so much! I can be really OCD about grammar and flow so it's good to know they work :D

iDogrocker said...
on Jul. 24 2010 at 2:08 pm
iDogrocker, Lebanon, Oregon
0 articles 0 photos 78 comments
I love your writing style, and I'd like to see more of this story. Keep writing!

on Jul. 23 2010 at 5:14 pm
CloudWanderer BRONZE, Wheelersburg, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 55 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We don't stop playing because we get old, we get old because we stop playing."

"Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of your true love. If you must steal, steal from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. If you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away."

Wow this was SO good. I loved it! You sort of strike me as an observer--you get human behavior. This piece was very relatable. Keep up the skills ;)

Whylime said...
on Jul. 23 2010 at 4:52 pm
Whylime, Brentwood, Tennessee
0 articles 0 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grief is the price we pay for love -- Queen Elizabeth ll
Don't go there, I'll only follow -- ???
Why is a raven like a writing desk? -- The Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland
Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most -- Willy W.

wow. so true. i feel like im her but a softer side. independent, a dreamer.. so me. very good... so to be critical... there wasnt much wrong with it. i can tell you edited it like crazy. i love that. perfect grammar, perfect flow. great work. i do not lie: i could find no flaws.


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