Egoas

July 18, 2011
By , Moscow Mills, MO
Prologue.
Puke. Puke! That's all I could think of as I snapped open my eyes. Puke! I quickly got up and ran to the bathroom. My feet were bare and the linoleum made them feel chilly. I dropped to my knees and shoved my head in the toilet bowl. My hands gripped the sides shakily. The rim was stone cold and white. I felt my body convulse and I vomitted up everything I had eaten last night. My hair was hanging everywhere, I hadn't brushed it behind my ears to prevent getting puke in it. After the first round was over I sat against the pink tiled wall. I felt sweat dewing across my forehead and behind my neck. What did I eat that was so bad to make me puke? Suddenly, my stomach started to quiver and I felt that sour taste in your mouth right before you threw up. As the bile arose in my throat I made it to the toilet once more. I threw up until I had nothing left to give except stomach fluids. I tried to retain myself but my stomach kept pumping. Finally, it came to a stop. A long, string of saliva hung from the back of my throat. I quickly hagged it up along with left over green puke. Actually green. Like the color of mold on an expired piece of bread. Disgusted, I grabbed a tissue and blew my nose. My throat was on fire from the stomach acid and my nose hurt even more as I blew out the gunk. I coughed a few times then laid back on the floor, breathing heavily. I felt drained, emty. I felt so weak. Sweat was still damp all across my forehead and I reached up to wipe it off. It was slick on the back of my hand. Gross. Suddenly, I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Mom or dad? They were extremely heavy so it must be dad. I quickly sat up straight and flushed the many colors of stench and filth down the toilet. Then a knock on the door.
"Tayler? What's going on?" I heard his deep worried voice. Before I could respond I heard,"Can I come in?"
"Yeah, dad. I just..got sick," I stammered. Yes..I was sick. Very sick. I should just stay home today.
The door opened and he walked in. He saw me sitting on the floor, puke on the front of my red Jersey Shore shirt and in my hair, the sweat on my face. Then he pinched his nose.
"Ugh, did you throw up?"
"Um, yeah."
"Are you okay, sweetie?"
I cleared my throat. "Fine."
"Are you going to go to school today?"
"Um probably not." I was surprised by the nervousness of my voice.
"Well me and your mom are about to leave. We heard you hacking up a storm in here and I came up to check on you." Obviously.
"Thanks, dad. I just ate something...um, something bad."
"Like what?" His brows furrowed into confusion. "You barely ever eat anything.."
I thought about our refridgerator. The leftover chicken, lasgna, jar of pickles, mayonaise, the gallon of milk, the pudding cups, huge chocolate cake, the little packages of Happy Cow Cheese...
"I think the cheese is expired. I had 2 packages of those yesterday.." I remembered having 2 after dinner.
"Oh. Well I'll make sure we throw them out then, Hun. Okay?" His face had relaxed, knowing if was nothing serious.
"Okay."
"Alright well lock the doors after we leave. Mom said theirs some cereal in the cabinets. And Conner might be coming over today around noon. He has a key but it will just be him coming in so don't freak out." My whole day just brightened. I couldn't wait to see Conner! He hadn't visited home since he'd left for college 8 months ago.
I felt a smile spread across my face.
"I'll watch for him."
My dad laughed, a nervous but relaxed laugh. "See you soon, Taylor. Love you."
"Love you." As soon as he closed the door I laid back out. I heard him stomp down the steps again. The smile still stayed bright on my face, something nothing could wipe off! I crossed my hands over my stomach, excited for today. Then I felt it. Something didn't feel right. There was a very slight bump between my thighs. I could feel it when I ran my hands over. Small. Oval. Kind of squishy yet hard. My eyebrows met in the middle and I pushed down on it, feeling nothing but soft skin over a bunch insides. I slowly ran my hand from that bump to the bottom of my chest. Slid
Them back down. Yes, deffinately a bump. Something was there. Something ususual. Unusual. Unusual..and that was the nothing that completely knocked the smile off of my face.

Chapter One.
Sitting in class is such a buzz killer. I had been in such a great mood before, and now I had to listen to Ms. Little drone on and on about "significant numbers" and "the metric system". Boo.
I started scribbling my name on a piece of paper. Big T little A, big Y little L, big E little R. Big boring is what it was.
"Tayler!" I heard someone say. "Excuse me, Tayler?" I looked up. Ms. Little was staring at me.
"Uh..yeah?" I stammered.
"Can you tell me how many significant numbers are up here?" she said, with the faintest smirk on her pale face. The board read 0.000095070.
"Hm?" she dragged on.
I cleared my throat. "4."
Her eyes darted to the board then back to my eyes. She put on a poker face.
"Very good, Ms. Vineyard..very good." Then she turned around and began teaching again, me feeling smug.
As time passed I began thinking about him. His smile. His laugh. His touch. His hugs. His kisses.
I went back to that night. It had been so cold and he wrapped his warm arms around me and layed his head on me. All I could think of was how happy I felt, how free I was.
Then he kissed me. I loved his kisses. My arms had wrapped around his neck, one hand still touching his face. His mouth was warm on mine.
I remember wanting to say I love you, but knowing we didn't love each other at all. It had just felt...right.
Then his hand sliding up my leg...
RIIIIING!
The bell sounded loudly and I snapped my eyes open, unaware they were closed in the first place. I grabbed my bag and water then slowly got up. I felt a tap on my shoulder.
"Somebody dissed Ms. Little," they laughed. I turned around and saw Nikki, my best friend for 5 years of my life. From sixth grade to now eleventh. I smiled and said," Proves her right, giving me dirty looks."
"Hell yeah!" she sweeped her bleach blonde hair behind her back. "So are we still on for tonight?" I stared at her, confused. Then I suddenly remembered. We were supposed to go to the football game tonight then have a sleepover after.
"Um, yeah, sure." I wasn't really feeling up for it anymore, though. I'd been feeling lazy and tired lately..
"Okay, well text me.." she added.
"I will, I will."
"You okay?" she had this look in her eye like..like she knew something was wrong.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I asked nervously. Because honestly...I didn't know if I was either.
"I don't know, you just always look tired and walk around like a zombie."
"Thanks so much."
"Girl, you know I love you. Brighten up."
"I'll try," I forced a smile. Then we hugged and parted before we were late to class.

I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes used to be so beautiful. Milky brown and vibrantly bright. Now they looked muddy brown, and dark. The purpleish cirlces around them didn't help at all.
And my hair looked so greasy lately. The darkness of it almost looking black, like I had just went swimming and never dried it out.
"F***." was all I could force myself to say. What was wrong with me?
"Tayler!?" my mother yelled from the other room.
"Yeah, mom?" I yelled back.
"Are you going to be gone tonight?"
"Yeah!"
"When are you getting home?" What was the point of yelling across rooms? I walked to her bedroom and sat on the bed, watching her apply her makeup on thick but perfectly. When I was little she used to let me play with her lipstick. I'd always smear the shade that was the brightest color of red on and picked up my lips, wishing I could get my first kiss like the one in those movies where the girl had to stand up on her tiptoes and the guy wrapped his arms around her..
"Well?" she nagged.
"I'm sleeping over at Nikki's," I said timidly.
"Whos going to be here in the morning to get my new kit from the mail man then? I'm not paying extra to have it held for me!" she said in her nasaly voice. She always order what she called "kits" from Avon, just to sell then for extra money.
"I'll be home by twelve.." I slowly said.
"Thats not good enough. Be home by eight or don't leave at all," she ordered.
"Where are you and dad going to be?" I asked.
"We're going out tonight and staying at Super 8. I don't know when we'll be back," she said in a matter of fact voice.
"Well that's not fair at all!" I growled. She slammed down her mascara and turned to me.
"When you're 18, you can do whatever the hell you want. But as long as you live here with us, everything we say goes." she snapped.
"But it's not fair!" I repeated. She just rolled her eyes and sighed,
"Baby, life isn't fair. Now leave." I quickly got up and stomped out of the room, slamming her door shut, ignoring her as she called my name angrily. I always have to do eveythinf. Everything!





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