A twilight remix

January 20, 2011
*ahem* aaaaaaand ACTION!!
Bella: Hey people. What's up? The name's Bell and i just moved to Forks. Things are boring but there's this really hot mysterious guy who stares at me so creepily.

Me: blah, blah, blah


Me: Oh yeah?! Well I'M IN IT RIGHT NOW so HA!!

Bella: Ugh, whatever. Either way i have the strangest notion that we'll have a powerful love story that will involve vampires, a big battle with newborns, a volturi, and a werewolf-vampire dispute. Maybe i had too much coffee this morning................

Edward *comes out from behind the set*: Hey baby. The name's Eddie

Bella *gets all shy and giggles*: Hi Eddie

Me: *yawn* I'm hungry for some meatloaf. Yeaaaaaaah

*lovebirds staring so creepily into each other's eyes they ignore me*

Eddie: Oh yeah and btw I'm a vampire

Bella: NO WAY!! *whispers to the audience* HOT!!

Me: *rolls eyes*

Eddie: *looks at me puzzled* Um, what's she doing in the production?

Me: Oh just go back to drooling all over each other i created this story!! Stephanie Meyers created your characters but i created your parody on teenink!!

Bella: Anyway.........I LOVE YOU EDWARD

Edward: I LOVE YOU!! I'D DIE FOR YOU *cough* literally *cough*

Me: sighs in disappointment

*Victoria and James come out from behind the set*

James: hey, i smell some fresh meat *kisses Bella's hand* why, hellooo

Victoria: Oh sweetheart don't be greedy. Pass the salt shaker........then pass the human named Bella who will eventually turn into a vampire and fall madly in love with a Cullen. I'm hungry

Me *whispers to them* your supposed to be scary vampires

James *whispers* oh yeah *in normal voice* your blood smells so tasty tonight.

Vicky: Dior perfume smelling blood anyone?

James: coming right up

Eddie: GET AWAY FROM MY GIRL *punches James with a grunt*

*James falls dead*

*Victoria, terrified, runs off to the woods*

Me: Ouch! That's gotta hurt

New moon screening *ahem* time for things to go from sweet to spicy. Will there be a werewolf named Jacob who takes his shirt off? Why am i asking that? The New moon commercial gives it away.

Bella: hey!! it's my birthday!! I'm officially a year older then you!!

Eddie: Congratulations. Here's a kiss, a party at my place ruined by my ravenous vamp family, and as candles on top of the cake, i got news

Bella: What is it, my love?

Me: He's going away for a while. He's sorry. He leaves now in the middle of the woods, and then you sleep on the woody ground, so depressed. oops. Did i just give it away? :)

Bella: Why yes, yes you did. Now SHUT UP

Eddie: Yeah, what she said.

Bella: NOOOOOOOOOOO!! This is the end!!

Me: No, the end is 2012

Bella *glares at me*

Me: touchy, touchy

November, December.........ok, lets skip the credits. Fast forward to the good parts

Bella: i have no choice now, but to turn to my rebound. Oh Jaaaaaaacoooooooob

Me: BLACK!!!

*Jacob comes out, looking hot and fine*

Me: *gapes* He's your REBOUND?! THIS GUY IS HOT!! HE SHOULD BE CHOICE #1!! *i drool in his presence*

Jacob *turns to me* What'd you just say?

Me: NOTHING. i mean, i was talking about the weather and the scenery. It's really HOT today and the scenery is GORGEOUS. Gorgeous like a WEREWOLF with his SHIRT OFF. Yeah, that kind of gorgeous.......

Jacob: Yeah, whatever. Hey babe. i mean, Bella, not babe. Sorry, i get mixed up. It's easy too, when a girl hot like you comes around. *Gives Bella a flirty smile*

Me *fanning myself with my hands cause this guy is making me melt*

Bella: What are you talking about? I'm not Hot, I'm always cold. Here, feel my hand *places hand on Jake's arm*

Bell *pulls back*: Youch! My hand's burning!! Your hotter then a stove!!

me *all dreamy*: Yes he is..........i should stop talking now

Bella: Oh, NOW you notice?!

Jake: Come on Bella, my babe, while your precious Eddie's gone, let me take you for a ride, on the wild side

Bella: Does that involve teaching me how to ride a motorcycle, which will turn disastrous and in which I'll still do it anyway out of insanity to feel an adrenaline rush so i can hear a vampire named Eddie in my head? Lessons that'll get us in trouble, and I'll be so depressed I'm drown myself to hear Ed, only to have you rescue me?

Me: Oh, and you say I spoil the story. But yeah, that does happen later on...................

Bella: I'M IN!!!!


Me: Hey Jake, Jacob..........if Bella doesn't work out........there's a gal right here who likes fur over fangs unlike Miss Swan right here........Just saying

Bella: So you in love with me or not?

Jake: Well, yeah.

*James friend i forgot the name of pops out*: Hello mouth watering delectable dessert. i got a fork right here, and on the plate tonight is the specialty devastated human girl from Forks dish. You killed me friend, his girlfriend wants revenge.......and as for me........eh, i don't care about that. I'm just hungry for a hotdog, but I'm not talking about beef. Mua ha ha ha. Prepare for me to finish you off.

Jacob: are all vampires this weird?

Me *elbows guy*: Vampires drink BLOOD NOT FLESH. AND THEY DON'T DO IT WITH A FORK Even if this is the town of Forks.

Guy *whispers* Oh right. *takes out straw* I'll sip your blood, until you are DRAINED!! HAHA

Bella: Nah, I'm not feeling it

Jacob: Yeah Bella. Dracula's gonna 'sip your blood' *laughs*

Me: Ooh, burn!!

Guy: Hey, NOBODY makes fun of a vampire!! Prepare for death!! *attacks Jake*

Jake *rips his shirt off to show his sexy abs for a minute in time when i stare at his shirtless body wide eyed and drooling so much slobber comes out of my mouth. Then he turns into a werewolf and kills guy with one kick*

Jake: Oh yeah and did i mention I'm a werewolf?

Bella: nope


Bella *shrugs*: i was busy missing Eddie

Jacob: oh yeah i heard he thought you were dead and went to Italy to kill himself. Just a rumor.

Bella: WHAT?!!!!!!!! *runs off to Italy*

me *smiles coyly*: So....... it's just you and me.............


Me: Hey, it was worth a shot *i catch up with Bella in Italy*

*Edward's got his shirt off*

Me *covering my eyes*: Oh God!! I Can't see this!! Oh boy!! Yuck!!

Bella *throws herself into Eddie's arms*: I'M ALIVE!!

Eddie: Ok, I'm neva leaving you again. EVER. Now let's escape the dangerous Volturi and catch a ride outta here. WOO HOO!!

Bella *all girly* It's a happy ending after all

*They have a HUGE all over each other kiss*

Me: *groan* and i didn't even get the werewolf


Join the Discussion

This article has 8 comments. Post your own now!

GLee_Luver said...
Sept. 27, 2011 at 9:33 am
Read Ecilpse and Breaking Dawn and add that to a different parody
HaleyStar said...
Jul. 17, 2011 at 6:48 pm

That is the best Twilight Parody I've ever read. Just saying. :>


CarrieAnn13 said...
Jun. 23, 2011 at 8:32 pm
This is funny!  I had to stifle my laughter several times to avoid weird looks from my family!  :)  My only criticism is that not capitalizing the word 'I' is just lazy.  Can you please correct that in the future?
JoPepper said...
Jun. 9, 2011 at 1:52 pm
That was hilarious you can get the werewolf.  Because Bella is going to accidentally fall into a volcano and I'll get a vampire!!!! You did an excellant job at writing that I would give you 8 stars if I could!!!!!!
KonLovesPB said...
Jan. 26, 2011 at 4:30 pm
Ahahahaha!!!! Love it (:
MysteryHeart said...
Jan. 25, 2011 at 9:43 am
WhimsicalKestrel said...
Jan. 25, 2011 at 9:14 am


That was Awesome!

Nate- replied...
Jul. 25, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Haha wow that terrible, terribly FUNNY!
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