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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion

This article has 1878 comments. Post your own now!

Katherine93 said...
Apr. 27, 2010 at 9:11 am

I love twilight.....

but this is AMAZING cant stop laughing.

Well Done! :) :) :)

 
Lucrio said...
Apr. 25, 2010 at 10:30 pm
You're funny...
 
bubblee96This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 25, 2010 at 6:56 pm
OMG! Jacob is allllll mine, back away!!!! I WILL SHOOT!!! LOL!
 
plathfan said...
Apr. 25, 2010 at 4:01 pm
This has got to be one of the better things i've read about twilight.  This is awesome!!!!!
 
tranibanani said...
Apr. 24, 2010 at 2:25 pm
You are a genius to think of something like this!! It is so funny and so much better than the thousands of pages between the covers. This made my day. 
 
Bellabeena said...
Apr. 24, 2010 at 6:15 am

i AM A BIG FAN OF TWILIGHT  but that was the most funniest thing i have read, great job!

 

 
katniss said...
Apr. 23, 2010 at 11:39 pm
That was freaking awesome!
 
loveypink said...
Apr. 23, 2010 at 7:30 pm
ha................ that was funny
 
Lonleydandy said...
Apr. 23, 2010 at 7:15 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Just finished reading the books, and this is HILARIOUS. I'll tell you what I think in a few days when I stop LAUGHING!!!!!!!Fantastic!
 
KentuckyJohnWall11 said...
Apr. 22, 2010 at 8:50 pm
that was one of the funniest insults to Twilight ever.
 
KentuckyJohnWall11 said...
Apr. 22, 2010 at 8:49 pm
I will reply when I finish laughing.
 
. said...
Apr. 22, 2010 at 7:10 pm
i totally hate twilight, but i thought this was hilarious!
 
ZebraWithoutStripes This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 22, 2010 at 3:28 pm
haha this is awesome!! :D i totally wanna make this movie for like youtube!!
 
sammm7 said...
Apr. 21, 2010 at 3:24 pm

HEYY I LOVE TWILIGHT AND FIND THIS REALLY OFFENSIVE!!!!

Just kidding it was hilarious and I hate all the hype over the series.

 
twilightsucks said...
Apr. 20, 2010 at 8:45 pm
Haha that was great!
 
Courtney A. said...
Apr. 20, 2010 at 7:27 pm
Oh my gosh this was HILARIOUS! You did a very good job summarizing all the books. Kudos to you! :) I was obsessed with those books at one point...now I don't see how I did it! LOVE THIS!!
 
messyjessi1208 said...
Apr. 20, 2010 at 4:20 pm
haha I love this! I was literally laughing while reading this to my friends. Bravo. Bravo(:
 
Brittany W. said...
Apr. 20, 2010 at 3:49 pm
NFW! I LOVE THIS ARTICLE SOOOO FUNNY KINDA LIKE THE SPINN OFF OF THE BOOKS BY THE HARVARD JOURNALS.
 
Starfire said...
Apr. 20, 2010 at 1:50 pm

Lol very funny! What made you come up with this?

 

 
MrsclemmensenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 20, 2010 at 12:06 am
OMG i laughed so hard i cried. Nice, it makes Twilight seem a whole lot funnier.... :)
 
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