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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion

This article has 1870 comments. Post your own now!

Lonleydandy said...
Apr. 23, 2010 at 7:15 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Just finished reading the books, and this is HILARIOUS. I'll tell you what I think in a few days when I stop LAUGHING!!!!!!!Fantastic!
 
KentuckyJohnWall11 said...
Apr. 22, 2010 at 8:50 pm
that was one of the funniest insults to Twilight ever.
 
KentuckyJohnWall11 said...
Apr. 22, 2010 at 8:49 pm
I will reply when I finish laughing.
 
. said...
Apr. 22, 2010 at 7:10 pm
i totally hate twilight, but i thought this was hilarious!
 
ZebraWithoutStripes This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 22, 2010 at 3:28 pm
haha this is awesome!! :D i totally wanna make this movie for like youtube!!
 
sammm7 said...
Apr. 21, 2010 at 3:24 pm

HEYY I LOVE TWILIGHT AND FIND THIS REALLY OFFENSIVE!!!!

Just kidding it was hilarious and I hate all the hype over the series.

 
twilightsucks said...
Apr. 20, 2010 at 8:45 pm
Haha that was great!
 
Courtney A. said...
Apr. 20, 2010 at 7:27 pm
Oh my gosh this was HILARIOUS! You did a very good job summarizing all the books. Kudos to you! :) I was obsessed with those books at one point...now I don't see how I did it! LOVE THIS!!
 
messyjessi1208 said...
Apr. 20, 2010 at 4:20 pm
haha I love this! I was literally laughing while reading this to my friends. Bravo. Bravo(:
 
Brittany W. said...
Apr. 20, 2010 at 3:49 pm
NFW! I LOVE THIS ARTICLE SOOOO FUNNY KINDA LIKE THE SPINN OFF OF THE BOOKS BY THE HARVARD JOURNALS.
 
Starfire said...
Apr. 20, 2010 at 1:50 pm

Lol very funny! What made you come up with this?

 

 
Mrsclemmensen said...
Apr. 20, 2010 at 12:06 am
OMG i laughed so hard i cried. Nice, it makes Twilight seem a whole lot funnier.... :)
 
thelastclarissa This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 18, 2010 at 12:40 pm
hah. so funny! i like twilight, but it has some seriously ridiculous stuff in it... =)
 
ando_is_the_fkn_bst said...
Apr. 18, 2010 at 1:00 am
omfg that is HILARIOUS!!!
 
Sobriquet This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 17, 2010 at 3:44 pm
LOL I LOVED THIS! This was brilliant, especially because I HATE Twilight xD
 
akwolfchick This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 15, 2010 at 9:06 pm
Briliant! I'm not the biggest twilight fan so this really cracked me up!
 
SerraAngel replied...
Apr. 16, 2010 at 8:24 pm
LOL!!!!! Also Plz check out Eternal night: Capter 1 and COMMENT. :)
 
jonas_chic899 said...
Apr. 15, 2010 at 4:57 pm
lolol that made me laugh!! ive only read the 1st two books but that was still funny!!!
 
AmberAnn_d-_-b said...
Apr. 15, 2010 at 8:36 am
Oh my gosh hilarious, I love this. This pretty much captues it haha. I almost cried laughing XD
 
SandyC said...
Apr. 14, 2010 at 9:57 pm
LOL....i LUV this...i have been waiting for someone to make fun of the Twlight Saga, an you did it perfectly
 
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