The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

September 26, 2009
[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.





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This article has 1902 comments. Post your own now!

XXtokioxhotelxobsessedXX said...
May 6, 2010 at 2:38 pm
Oh ma gosh that was HILARIOUS!!!! i do like twilight but its still awesomely fun to make fun of it and i loved that!!!!! it should totally get published =P
 
kristina-marie replied...
May 11, 2010 at 11:39 am
The lead singer of tokio hotels is a boy named bill klautz.
 
OceansMuse said...
May 6, 2010 at 11:53 am
Hahahaha :D I actually am a Twifan but this still is just hilarious! I needed a laugh, thanks for givin' it to me :)
 
princessness_16 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 4, 2010 at 11:45 am
 just have to say, that i have read this and shown all my friends. it's hilarious! i love it. :)
 
Mina4Eva said...
May 3, 2010 at 1:53 pm
omg!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahahaah this was awsome you should definetly get this published lol but it just goes to show how fast things get old :)
 
Elizabeth S. said...
May 2, 2010 at 9:52 pm
oh my god, this is aawsome!!!twilight....hahaha...
 
singdance7 said...
May 2, 2010 at 12:54 pm
I think this should win an award!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHHA LOL!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE this!!!!!!!!!!!!! funniest thing i have ever read!!!! WAAAAAY better than the books!
 
psychopath120 said...
May 1, 2010 at 9:19 pm
this is like the funniest thing i have ever read. im having a hard time controlling my stomach from not exploding.although im not sure why people have to include rude comments like "not the best thing ive read". :[ Well anyway, my sister and i loved it so mouch we printed it out and showed it to our whole family.;]It was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
the_invisible This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 10, 2010 at 7:06 am
My comment was not rude, I emphasized I didn't agree with the previous reader who said it was the best article ever on Teen Ink. However, it was hilarious and the author deserves praise for that as I said!
 
<невидљив> This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 1, 2010 at 5:26 am
This is good, funny but certainly not the best thing I've read on Teen Ink as someone stated. Parodies are quite easy to be made out of anything that achieved success, hence I don't appreciate them very much and they can only make us laugh for it is their primary purpose. Anyways, you did a great job.
 
This_rose_has_thorns said...
Apr. 30, 2010 at 9:22 pm
This has to be the best... thing i've ever read!!! EVER! I wanna make a video of this!
 
amtpinkpanda This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 30, 2010 at 9:19 pm
ha ha loved it
 
AshlanB said...
Apr. 30, 2010 at 7:50 pm
THIS. IS. PERFECT.
 
charzard said...
Apr. 30, 2010 at 3:22 pm
this just about makes. my. life.
 
juliannaa said...
Apr. 30, 2010 at 11:35 am
Wicked funny! I really liked it :D!
 
.A.Silence.in.Winter. said...
Apr. 30, 2010 at 11:12 am
That was epic.
 
annlovesbooks said...
Apr. 30, 2010 at 10:29 am
Hey me and my friends just read this and we were like laughing on the floor it's hallarious!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it I mean WE love it.
 
Prosaic-Scriptor said...
Apr. 29, 2010 at 12:27 am
Beautiful, beautiful.
 
Cuore said...
Apr. 28, 2010 at 9:53 pm
roflmao!!! This is SO funny!!! I've gotta make a video of this :D
 
bltsoccerchick said...
Apr. 28, 2010 at 6:45 pm
I lvoe Twilight, but there are tears in my eyes right now. AMAZING!!!!!!!!! haha!
 
Emmaline said...
Apr. 28, 2010 at 11:03 am
Ha ha, so funny! And so true the books are basically that. I read them all and I hate them! Twillight sucks!
 
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