The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

Join the Discussion

This article has 1891 comments. Post your own now!

AshlanB said...
Apr. 30, 2010 at 7:50 pm
charzard said...
Apr. 30, 2010 at 3:22 pm
this just about makes. my. life.
juliannaa said...
Apr. 30, 2010 at 11:35 am
Wicked funny! I really liked it :D! said...
Apr. 30, 2010 at 11:12 am
That was epic.
annlovesbooks said...
Apr. 30, 2010 at 10:29 am
Hey me and my friends just read this and we were like laughing on the floor it's hallarious!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it I mean WE love it.
Prosaic-Scriptor said...
Apr. 29, 2010 at 12:27 am
Beautiful, beautiful.
Cuore said...
Apr. 28, 2010 at 9:53 pm
roflmao!!! This is SO funny!!! I've gotta make a video of this :D
bltsoccerchick said...
Apr. 28, 2010 at 6:45 pm
I lvoe Twilight, but there are tears in my eyes right now. AMAZING!!!!!!!!! haha!
Emmaline said...
Apr. 28, 2010 at 11:03 am
Ha ha, so funny! And so true the books are basically that. I read them all and I hate them! Twillight sucks!
Everhart said...
Apr. 28, 2010 at 7:10 am
LOL! I am dying right now! I want to film this!
forgottenpenname This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 29, 2010 at 2:56 pm
We should totally do this via webcam. :P
gollyitshannah said...
Apr. 27, 2010 at 7:47 pm
Hahahahaha I laughed so hard at this, thank you! This was hilaroius!!!!
Pointe2Twilight said...
Apr. 27, 2010 at 9:39 am

This is great, even to a Twilight fan like me lol. If I can find some people to do it, I might attempt to make this into a video.


Katherine93 said...
Apr. 27, 2010 at 9:11 am

I love twilight.....

but this is AMAZING cant stop laughing.

Well Done! :) :) :)

Lucrio said...
Apr. 25, 2010 at 10:30 pm
You're funny...
bubblee96 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 25, 2010 at 6:56 pm
OMG! Jacob is allllll mine, back away!!!! I WILL SHOOT!!! LOL!
plathfan said...
Apr. 25, 2010 at 4:01 pm
This has got to be one of the better things i've read about twilight.  This is awesome!!!!!
tranibanani said...
Apr. 24, 2010 at 2:25 pm
You are a genius to think of something like this!! It is so funny and so much better than the thousands of pages between the covers. This made my day. 
Bellabeena said...
Apr. 24, 2010 at 6:15 am

i AM A BIG FAN OF TWILIGHT  but that was the most funniest thing i have read, great job!


katniss said...
Apr. 23, 2010 at 11:39 pm
That was freaking awesome!
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