The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

September 26, 2009
[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

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This article has 1907 comments. Post your own now!

Dia.dreamer said...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 10:02 am
GAWD THIS IS SOO HILARIOUS!!! I read this before but I think I forgot to post a comment...anyway, "my eggo is preggo" - HAHAHAHAHAHA
Girl_on_Fire said...
Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:47 pm
I'm a Twilight fan and I think this is fantastically true!
poetrykid702 said...
Jul. 5, 2011 at 6:25 pm
That was hilarious but so true
esnow824 said...
Jul. 5, 2011 at 1:14 pm


i had to play bella in a play and it was making fun of twilight so this reminded me a lot of it.

but seriously, this is great. 

Poet_Angel95 replied...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:18 pm
OMG could NOT stop LMAO!
Ailatan replied...
Aug. 20, 2011 at 4:37 pm
LOL That was hilarious!!!!
Mahnooriable said...
Jul. 5, 2011 at 3:32 am
Noelle W. said...
Jul. 1, 2011 at 10:29 pm
my god it was so funny! you have talent at that! I loved it!
foreverme143 said...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 4:42 pm
hahahahahahaha that was hilarious! ur 2 good 2 good.......
LovelyLady said...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 3:56 pm
Haha! That's funny
StarGazer453 said...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 2:56 pm
That was absolutely hysterical.  *applause*
TwinnBears27 said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 11:47 pm
that was really funny:D
Skemo18 said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 8:32 am
lmao that was actually funny . nice job!!
Gereldine5 replied...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 11:17 pm
this=epic win. Thank you, for saving the countless lives of people out there who would haveto be scared for life from reading the books. Legit Win! ;D
SaritaFajita said...
Jun. 27, 2011 at 3:18 pm

This is LEGIT!(:

You've saved so many people from having to read all 4 of the books! ;D

charlizdris said...
Jun. 26, 2011 at 12:19 pm
Genius You are HILARIOUS
OneInParticular1017 said...
Jun. 25, 2011 at 9:29 pm
Hahahaha hilarious! I love Twilight and all, but seriously- NAILED IT.
renni said...
Jun. 25, 2011 at 12:03 pm
i loved this :D i really loved the line "Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!"
stargazer816 said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 9:41 pm
that is so funny!
mynameisgrace This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 1:26 pm
this is.. wow. amazing. <3
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