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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

Join the Discussion

This article has 1853 comments. Post your own now!

vannatee101 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 13, 2011 at 12:35 pm
Genius! This would make a great skit for the showcase at our school.
Bgeek24 said...
Jun. 10, 2011 at 2:36 pm
Wow that's one way to put it! I loved it! So funny.
Ramsha S. said...
Jun. 8, 2011 at 9:41 pm

So funny! Definitely better than the real book!


liliy said...
Jun. 7, 2011 at 9:42 am
my eggo is preggo, thats stupid not even funny,
NeverShoutNeverFan replied...
Jun. 13, 2011 at 4:51 pm
dont be hatin
Arco_Sine replied...
Jun. 15, 2011 at 6:44 pm
It's alright to point out bad comedy in a bad script.
Babbe2 replied...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 10:19 am
OMG Bad Script? r u serious? I semi like twilight and thought this was amazing!!!! i know its ok to point out bad things but dont just say "bad script" say way it was a bad script and what the author could do to change it.....btw amazing script loved it :)
Arco_Sine replied...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 12:37 pm
I said that because it uses sophomoric humor to please people. Witty humor, or well though out dialogue is what I respect. So when I see something that only sets out to be poorly polished it bugs me.
Babbe2 replied...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 12:58 pm
See and now it makes sense and i respect ur opinion`
RockGirl182 said...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 11:13 am
don't know if i wrote a comment already coz i've read this about 100 times so i'll just say it once more : HILARIOUS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!! could you do this with the harry potter series ???? ( and i'm a fan of both ) but ur soo good at this !!! :) 5/5 :D 
RockGirl182 replied...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 11:16 am
best line : Dance off !! :)
rosie93 replied...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 2:52 pm
Agreed! That was an excellent line :)
AddictedToWriting said...
Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:23 pm


Wooow...I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that you don't like Twilight very much, right?

lol.  Nice job.  ^_^

ZulimaC This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 4, 2011 at 8:00 pm
I love Twilight and I would usually be defensive...but this was really really funny;) There's always room to make fun of Twilight XD 
Starling005 said...
Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:05 am
niiiice lol..
Raisa said...
Jun. 3, 2011 at 11:44 am
Niharika said...
Jun. 3, 2011 at 11:33 am
Hilarious! My eggo is preggo. Lol :P
KaylynB. said...
Jun. 3, 2011 at 9:58 am
ive read this  soooooooo    many times i can say it without looking! <3 it!
MeatBall said...
Jun. 1, 2011 at 9:36 am
Hahaha. This is sooo hiliraious! jahahhahhaha>(:
StelaDalca said...
May 31, 2011 at 10:40 pm
LOL! way better than stephanie Meyer
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