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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion

This article has 1799 comments. Post your own now!

Cosgrove said...
May 9, 2011 at 10:08 am
I must say, this is freakin hilarious >:D
 
Meko8195 replied...
May 9, 2011 at 10:11 am
and dont freak out people. i know this girl :)
 
singergurl12 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 10, 2011 at 6:31 am
(LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!)
 
Meko8195 said...
May 9, 2011 at 10:07 am
LOL my eggo is preggo! i love it :D
 
Cosgrove replied...
May 10, 2011 at 9:52 am
Pssst pssst hey, I know you too >:D
 
Meko8195 replied...
May 10, 2011 at 10:26 am
>;) yup yup
 
Marina_V.S. said...
May 9, 2011 at 6:49 am
Harsh, but true ;)  this is really creative and funny, good job :)
 
KCayla said...
May 9, 2011 at 6:12 am
Nice. That is really funny. I'm a Twilight fan but, I love reading about people making fun of it. Nice job. :)
 
koda_ki said...
May 8, 2011 at 11:52 pm
So funny, read it in history when meant to be working cracked up laughing!Good work :D
 
KCayla replied...
May 24, 2011 at 5:57 am
Wow, that sounds like soemthing I would do. lol XD
 
Ninja_Writer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 5, 2011 at 5:01 pm
Hahahaha... he pulls out a gun and shoots her-- good job, very funny.
 
booklover104 said...
May 3, 2011 at 11:55 pm

hilariously funny, I was doubtul to read it, but it was really funny well, that is pretty much how everyrhing ocurred good job =)

 

 
BrokenReality said...
May 3, 2011 at 2:10 pm
the twilight saga sounded even better like this, michael jackson made it 5 times better!!!
 
love_and_anatomy said...
May 2, 2011 at 11:05 am
hilaaaaaarious. xD
 
allegraconbrio said...
Apr. 30, 2011 at 7:59 pm
That was... hilarious! Fantastically done. ;)
 
purplelass_3209 said...
Apr. 30, 2011 at 1:57 am
 It was great and better than twillight
 
MissTarbet said...
Apr. 29, 2011 at 12:56 pm
I like twilight, but I almost like this better
 
Sacrifice said...
Apr. 27, 2011 at 10:05 pm
I think some friends and i are going to fiml this and show it at the talent show at school next year. (you'll be credted, of course. :D)
 
zoid123 said...
Apr. 27, 2011 at 12:59 pm
Hahahaha...I love this it's so funny...I love twilight; but this is just great. You did a really good job on this.
 
porybows This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 27, 2011 at 1:40 am
HAHAHAHAHAHA
 
WritingSpasms said...
Apr. 24, 2011 at 3:01 pm
 I am dying. xD
 
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