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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
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LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1984 comments.

InuLover__95 BRONZE said...
on Aug. 19 2011 at 11:18 pm
InuLover__95 BRONZE, Mena, Arkansas
2 articles 1 photo 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Darkness does not always equate to evil, just as light does not always bring good."












--Nyx












Marked

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OMG could NOT stop LMAO!
WritingGrrrl BRONZE said...
on Aug. 19 2011 at 8:45 pm
WritingGrrrl BRONZE, New Jersey, New Jersey
2 articles 10 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is too short to be organized."
"Oppurtunity only knocks once."

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LOL This is absolutly brilliant!! Haha this made my day, you should make more. :)
StonerChick SILVER said...
on Aug. 18 2011 at 11:09 pm
StonerChick SILVER, Frankenmuth, Michigan
5 articles 1 photo 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
Its a dog eat dog world and we're all wearing bacon undearwear

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what exactly is editor's choice? cause they didnt email me about it but it says one of mine is...i dont understand 
Tongue_Blep PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 18 2011 at 10:44 am
Tongue_Blep PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 769 comments
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i really enjoyed! Infact I kept on coming back for more!!! I cant stop!!!! If anyone had the time could you please check out some of my work? I need more comments and feedback!!! I would be will ing to even check out anyones work if the do comment on my stories! I love the advice as well as giving it! :)(:
Daydreambeliever57 SILVER said...
on Aug. 16 2011 at 3:34 pm
Daydreambeliever57 SILVER, Brockport, New York
5 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
WWWWD? What Would Wonder Woman Do?

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Omg this is fantastically hilarious! It's like the funniest Twilight related thing since Vampires Suck!
takeitasitis said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 12:10 pm
takeitasitis, Lakeville, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life may cause you to suffer, but you can learn a lot from pain.

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Bwwwaaahhhhaahhahaha!!! Ahhh! Hahahaha! So... pant...pant...giggle...stifled laugh... funny!
Iggy_Fang112 said...
on Aug. 13 2011 at 12:32 am
oh my word that was so hilarious.  i literally lol. that was so much better than the books, and if u did a movie on that.....it would be better than the movies im sure. thanks so much for postin.
Studio_Riet GOLD said...
on Aug. 10 2011 at 3:02 pm
Studio_Riet GOLD, Tonasket, Washington
16 articles 0 photos 124 comments

Favorite Quote:
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"You don't have a soul, you are a soul. You have a body" - CS Lewis

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I'm sending a link of this to my cousin. She's like, in LOVE with Twilight. I love teasing her about it all the time. This is just too funny. I've read parts of the seriese to check it out, and stuff, and I've read ebough to know that this is better. "My eggo is preggo". . .I had the misfortune of reading that sean (with ony mild horrer). How ever dum it can get.
Studio_Riet GOLD said...
on Aug. 10 2011 at 2:57 pm
Studio_Riet GOLD, Tonasket, Washington
16 articles 0 photos 124 comments

Favorite Quote:
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"You don't have a soul, you are a soul. You have a body" - CS Lewis

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Definitely! That and "I think she meant "Bite me". Hilarous!!
Dontcloseyoureyes PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 7 2011 at 11:32 am
Dontcloseyoureyes PLATINUM, San Tan Valley, Arizona
20 articles 3 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
" Someday i will find someone and realize why it never worked with anyone else."

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this was better than the movie and the books!!!!!it made me laugh!

 

abbadoo said...
on Aug. 6 2011 at 10:32 pm
abbadoo, Clinton, South Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 11 comments
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You just spoofed my day. Loved the never ending awkwardness...
Anonymous_Me DIAMOND said...
on Aug. 6 2011 at 4:20 pm
Anonymous_Me DIAMOND, Marble Hill, Missouri
54 articles 0 photos 14 comments

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"Life is but a walking shadow."






~Shakespeare (Macbeth)

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XD I love the Twilight series, and even I found this funny!

"Edawrd, kill me so I can live forever!"
"Okay."

-shoots with a gun-

That had to be my favorite part

TheMadHattress BRONZE said...
on Aug. 5 2011 at 10:13 pm
TheMadHattress BRONZE, Palmer, Alaska
1 article 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
~It takes skill to trip over things that aren't there. ~ <3
Some one once told me that the best things is life aren't things at all; they're the people you choose to share your life with.

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lol. ^-^ that is too funny.
Cielo4ever GOLD said...
on Aug. 5 2011 at 7:03 pm
Cielo4ever GOLD, Santa Monica, California
10 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
Thats Just How The Cookie Crumbles ;) -I have no idea who said this

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Amazing. 
Hejlna said...
on Aug. 5 2011 at 4:11 pm
I read twilight in about two minutes it was so shallow. youv'e got the plot. LOL!
billgamesh11 BRONZE said...
on Aug. 5 2011 at 2:26 pm
billgamesh11 BRONZE, Grafton, Massachusetts
3 articles 0 photos 278 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's always darkest before the dawn." ~Florence and the Machine

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That was hilarious!!!:):):);)
justforkiks GOLD said...
on Aug. 4 2011 at 12:55 am
justforkiks GOLD, Wailuku, Hawaii
11 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
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LOL like a psycho when i read the ending. love it.
Salukin said...
on Aug. 4 2011 at 12:35 am
Oh gosh, this is great, totally just made my day.
Pinna said...
on Aug. 3 2011 at 3:10 pm
Pinna, Burns, Oregon
0 articles 1 photo 2 comments
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Brilliant.
hiddenbehindmyeyes BRONZE said...
on Aug. 3 2011 at 2:36 am
hiddenbehindmyeyes BRONZE, Enola, Pennsylvania
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i love this :) so funny