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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

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This article has 1874 comments. Post your own now!

Skemo18 said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 8:32 am
lmao that was actually funny . nice job!!
Gereldine5 replied...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 11:17 pm
this=epic win. Thank you, for saving the countless lives of people out there who would haveto be scared for life from reading the books. Legit Win! ;D
SaritaFajita said...
Jun. 27, 2011 at 3:18 pm

This is LEGIT!(:

You've saved so many people from having to read all 4 of the books! ;D

charlizdris said...
Jun. 26, 2011 at 12:19 pm
Genius You are HILARIOUS
OneInParticular1017 said...
Jun. 25, 2011 at 9:29 pm
Hahahaha hilarious! I love Twilight and all, but seriously- NAILED IT.
renni said...
Jun. 25, 2011 at 12:03 pm
i loved this :D i really loved the line "Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!"
stargazer816 said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 9:41 pm
that is so funny!
mynameisgraceThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 1:26 pm
this is.. wow. amazing. <3
TheSilverLaurel said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 12:10 pm
this is the funniest thing i have ever read!
NeVassa said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 11:45 am
NeVassa said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 11:44 am
i loved this soo much
NeVassa said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 11:44 am
However, this is hilarious and exactly the truth of what happened.. lol i appreciate you posting this! <3'd it!!
NeVassa said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 11:43 am
im posting comments to win over him her and the receptionist XP
NeVassa said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 11:43 am
oky.. ill b honest
NeVassa said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 11:42 am
soooooooooooooo funny
NeVassa said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 11:42 am
amazing.. loved it... :D
Nellie21 said...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 10:31 pm
This was actually really funny even though I'm a twilight fan. Impressive!
Keli123 said...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 8:05 pm
lmao! i LOVE you for posting this. its pathetic how so many girls have fallen so hard for a freaking series of books and this just proves it. this is hilarious. :)
triplethreat said...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 8:04 pm
I am in love with the Twilight Saga since I first laid eyes on it. This made me laugh cause it's semi true... in a nutshell. It was good and you should SO make a video on Youtube!! XD haha 
Lola_Black said...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 6:42 pm
I must admit, I've been a huge Twilight fan. But, this made me want to laugh my a** off!! By the way, you missed the part where Edward and Bella were screwing and he bit a pillow ; )
LittleTeapot13 replied...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Lol it should have been something like 

BELLA: "Edward! Do me!"

EDWARD: "NO! ...Ok. Oooh Pillow! Nomnomnom"

JACOB: "Necrophilia! EWW!"

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