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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion

This article has 1886 comments. Post your own now!

Flashlevitation This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 4:13 pm
exactly what i think of the entire series! i was thinking about making a music video spoof of the twilight series. HILARIOUS!
 
Purae said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 3:46 pm
This was absolutely hilarious. Thanks for the laugh!
 
YellowRose79 said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Awesome! This exactly what I thought of Twilight series XD

Rofl: Jacom *facepalm*

 
4everyoung15 said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Wow you should have made this and spared me the time of going through four useless books and just ending up pissed off in the end!

 

 
TophBei-Fong said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 5:21 am
Omg favorite part: JACOB face-palms
LMFBO
 
Wildflower30 said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 3:16 am
This is... fabulous!!!!!
 
AheartWithaLove said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 2:14 am
i love this. you summed it all up!!!
 
JenelleMarie123 said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 1:41 am
Yes it was funnny and yes it was well written....BUT i love the Twilight saga so i wag my finger at you. SHAME ON YOU!!! Lol jkjk[:
 
kittykittygurl This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 1:24 am
This is just great! So funny and yet brutally honest. A once die hard twilight fan myself, I find this extremely amusing. Kudos!
 
angelwings14 said...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 11:01 pm
I have to admit it was funny bt i wish u would have edit it better and make the story make more sense
 
topofmylungs said...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 8:43 pm
This is amazing. Can't even put this into words.
 
KatrinaCampbell said...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 5:23 pm
Looove ittt :D
 
kitkatt2136 said...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 12:53 pm
I <3 this!!!
 
redhairCat This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 11, 2011 at 1:20 pm
sooooooooooo hilarious!
 
holagirl78 said...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 8:51 pm
LOL you should so do this with more book series! xD
 
cdbates replied...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 2:41 pm
ooh!  I agree.  I'd love to see harry potter summed up this way! :)
 
holagirl78 replied...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 4:12 pm
         xD
 
YAY! said...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 12:18 pm
AMAZING
 
swiftstar10123 said...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 10:49 pm
BWAHAHAHAHA. I read the first three Twilights and hated them, (I myself am a Potterhead) and I think this is HYSTERICAL. You nailed it! 
 
Dia.dreamer said...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 10:02 am
GAWD THIS IS SOO HILARIOUS!!! I read this before but I think I forgot to post a comment...anyway, "my eggo is preggo" - HAHAHAHAHAHA
 
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