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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1764 comments. Post your own!

depulso said...
May 10, 2011 at 2:48 pm:

I honestly didn't think it was all that funny but it was good, considering Twilight has absolutely no storyline and this just about summed it up in two minutes.

Haha good job

 
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RainyWriterThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 9, 2011 at 9:56 pm:

I've seen the title of this advertised everywhere on the site and I wondered why everyone loved it so much.

Now I understand. OMG, that was SOOOO funny and SOOO true! Ahahahaha, much better than Vampires Suck if you ask me. I am going to petition for someone to do this for a play at the high school one day. Bravo!

 
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jamikim said...
May 9, 2011 at 6:06 pm:
this was hilarious :) lmao!
 
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Cosgrove said...
May 9, 2011 at 10:08 am:
I must say, this is freakin hilarious >:D
 
Meko8195 replied...
May 9, 2011 at 10:10 am :
HEY COSGROVE I LOVE YOU!
 
Meko8195 replied...
May 9, 2011 at 10:11 am :
and dont freak out people. i know this girl :)
 
singergurl12 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 10, 2011 at 6:31 am :
(LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!)
 
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Meko8195 said...
May 9, 2011 at 10:07 am:
LOL my eggo is preggo! i love it :D
 
Cosgrove replied...
May 10, 2011 at 9:52 am :
Pssst pssst hey, I know you too >:D
 
Meko8195 replied...
May 10, 2011 at 10:26 am :
>;) yup yup
 
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Marina_V.S. said...
May 9, 2011 at 6:49 am:
Harsh, but true ;)  this is really creative and funny, good job :)
 
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KCayla said...
May 9, 2011 at 6:12 am:
Nice. That is really funny. I'm a Twilight fan but, I love reading about people making fun of it. Nice job. :)
 
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koda_ki said...
May 8, 2011 at 11:52 pm:
So funny, read it in history when meant to be working cracked up laughing!Good work :D
 
KCayla replied...
May 24, 2011 at 5:57 am :
Wow, that sounds like soemthing I would do. lol XD
 
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Ninja_Writer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 5, 2011 at 5:01 pm:
Hahahaha... he pulls out a gun and shoots her-- good job, very funny.
 
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booklover104 said...
May 3, 2011 at 11:55 pm:

hilariously funny, I was doubtul to read it, but it was really funny well, that is pretty much how everyrhing ocurred good job =)

 

 
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BrokenReality said...
May 3, 2011 at 2:10 pm:
the twilight saga sounded even better like this, michael jackson made it 5 times better!!!
 
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love_and_anatomy said...
May 2, 2011 at 11:05 am:
hilaaaaaarious. xD
 
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allegraconbrio said...
Apr. 30, 2011 at 7:59 pm:
That was... hilarious! Fantastically done. ;)
 
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purplelass_3209 said...
Apr. 30, 2011 at 1:57 am:
 It was great and better than twillight
 
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