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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1768 comments. Post your own!

Sammi(: said...
May 31, 2011 at 9:44 am:
Dude im in english and this just made my day! its like the last day of school and wut r we doin readin magazines! WTF! Thanks for makin me laugh! (:
 
BookWormx replied...
May 31, 2011 at 5:11 pm :

LMAO xD

<3 it[:

 
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dolphinportkey7 said...
May 29, 2011 at 1:36 pm:
"I think she meant 'bite me'..." TOO funny! Maybe you should try doing another series, like Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter in two minutes, too! :D I hope you do...
 
InvisibleNerdGirl replied...
Jun. 2, 2011 at 8:56 pm :

I know! That would be awesomeness! :D I've been wanting this author to write more stuff, but I guess not.... :(

(*whisper-yell* HINT, HINT, AUTHOR!! ;) )

 
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rondarox said...
May 27, 2011 at 12:19 am:

Funniest thing i've read in a long time.  Two thumbs up.


lol - BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

 
~HisBabyGirl~ replied...
May 27, 2011 at 7:17 pm :
No, no, dude.... funniest thing ever: BELLA: my eggo is preggo! Hahahhahaha :D Classic.
 
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inspiredbytheworld said...
May 26, 2011 at 8:46 pm:
Yes. Absolutely yes.
 
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RhythmAndRhyme said...
May 26, 2011 at 4:31 pm:
See? Way better than Stephanie Meyer! Kudos!
 
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Aftershock said...
May 25, 2011 at 9:14 pm:
Your work was worth commenting on. One word: Epic, bro
 
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Meme E. said...
May 25, 2011 at 2:17 pm:
OMG I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS!!!!!!
 
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alyrocks98 said...
May 25, 2011 at 9:05 am:

this was hillarous i loved how were belle said "my eggo is preggo" and then when jacob is in love wit belles baby and then edward kills them all with his shiney tummy and the music cuts off at the end. :D

 

 
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Alon_Freevoice said...
May 23, 2011 at 9:32 pm:
LOL.LOL.LOL.LOL
 
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Annabel_lee said...
May 23, 2011 at 3:33 pm:
You made my day. Please continue with this halarity!!
 
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xxMWAHxx said...
May 19, 2011 at 9:15 pm:

Lol;;you brightened my day! I love the way you put humor into the story, twisting those intense moments into those of hilarity. I give you 5/5 for an excellent job! <3

Keep writing ~

 
xxMWAHxx replied...
May 19, 2011 at 9:16 pm :
Haha...my eggo is preggo....I'm still laughing!
 
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Lovergirl said...
May 19, 2011 at 12:18 pm:
ha ha ha ha ha ha thats so funny i love it
 
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blonde_with_brains said...
May 19, 2011 at 11:01 am:
I used to be borderline obsessive about the Saga, but now I've seen the light (thank goodnesss!) and I must say, if this was any funnier, the phrase "died laughing" would become a reality. Job well done :D
 
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Kristinanetti said...
May 18, 2011 at 7:44 pm:
Hahaha, yeah that pretty much sums it up. Nice job.
 
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saribel192 said...
May 17, 2011 at 7:05 pm:
Hahaha, that's pretty funny.
 
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Insert-Name-Here said...
May 16, 2011 at 10:48 am:
Epic WIN :D
 
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RChander said...
May 14, 2011 at 9:10 am:
Pretty funny!
 
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