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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion

This article has 1775 comments. Post your own now!

MeatBall said...
Jun. 1, 2011 at 9:36 am
Hahaha. This is sooo hiliraious! jahahhahhaha>(:
 
StelaDalca said...
May 31, 2011 at 10:40 pm
LOL! way better than stephanie Meyer
 
tatertot1311 said...
May 31, 2011 at 7:06 pm
This is amazing!!! I haven't stopped laughing!!! :)
 
Canfani said...
May 31, 2011 at 6:02 pm
I really like Twilight and that was way better than the original. Keep going!
 
Shanable said...
May 31, 2011 at 5:29 pm
So funny. I read it three times already, laughed everyyy single time.
 
Sammi(: said...
May 31, 2011 at 9:44 am
Dude im in english and this just made my day! its like the last day of school and wut r we doin readin magazines! WTF! Thanks for makin me laugh! (:
 
Snow cone replied...
May 31, 2011 at 9:49 am
haha me to and this is some funny sh**..... shots hahaha what were u thinkin
 
BookWormx replied...
May 31, 2011 at 5:11 pm

LMAO xD

<3 it[:

 
dolphinportkey7 said...
May 29, 2011 at 1:36 pm
"I think she meant 'bite me'..." TOO funny! Maybe you should try doing another series, like Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter in two minutes, too! :D I hope you do...
 
InvisibleNerdGirl replied...
Jun. 2, 2011 at 8:56 pm

I know! That would be awesomeness! :D I've been wanting this author to write more stuff, but I guess not.... :(

(*whisper-yell* HINT, HINT, AUTHOR!! ;) )

 
rondarox said...
May 27, 2011 at 12:19 am

Funniest thing i've read in a long time.  Two thumbs up.


lol - BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

 
~HisBabyGirl~ replied...
May 27, 2011 at 7:17 pm
No, no, dude.... funniest thing ever: BELLA: my eggo is preggo! Hahahhahaha :D Classic.
 
inspiredbytheworld said...
May 26, 2011 at 8:46 pm
Yes. Absolutely yes.
 
RhythmAndRhyme said...
May 26, 2011 at 4:31 pm
See? Way better than Stephanie Meyer! Kudos!
 
Aftershock said...
May 25, 2011 at 9:14 pm
Your work was worth commenting on. One word: Epic, bro
 
Meme E. said...
May 25, 2011 at 2:17 pm
OMG I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS!!!!!!
 
alyrocks98 said...
May 25, 2011 at 9:05 am

this was hillarous i loved how were belle said "my eggo is preggo" and then when jacob is in love wit belles baby and then edward kills them all with his shiney tummy and the music cuts off at the end. :D

 

 
Alon_Freevoice said...
May 23, 2011 at 9:32 pm
LOL.LOL.LOL.LOL
 
Annabel_lee said...
May 23, 2011 at 3:33 pm
You made my day. Please continue with this halarity!!
 
xxMWAHxx said...
May 19, 2011 at 9:15 pm

Lol;;you brightened my day! I love the way you put humor into the story, twisting those intense moments into those of hilarity. I give you 5/5 for an excellent job! <3

Keep writing ~

 
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