The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1910 comments.


on Sep. 11 2011 at 6:03 pm
andarsene SILVER, Bowie, Maryland
6 articles 2 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Adolescents are not monsters. They are just people trying to learn how to make it among the adults in the world, who are probably not so sure themselves.

Wow there were for books that were about 500 pages long...and you summed it up in one short entry. Brilliant

on Sep. 11 2011 at 7:33 am
AyeshaMuzaffar BRONZE, Lahore, Other
4 articles 0 photos 98 comments
It's like the editor likes your work. I have it too on two of my works. They don't email you for it.

on Sep. 11 2011 at 7:32 am
AyeshaMuzaffar BRONZE, Lahore, Other
4 articles 0 photos 98 comments
No it doesn't. We both know that it doesn't . In fact the whole world knoes it doesn't. Twilight sucks. 

on Sep. 11 2011 at 7:30 am
AyeshaMuzaffar BRONZE, Lahore, Other
4 articles 0 photos 98 comments

Twilight hater.

Welcome to the club buddy.

Common thing : we both think twilights a joke.

Btw very well written.


Hailz17 BRONZE said...
on Sep. 10 2011 at 11:55 pm
Hailz17 BRONZE, Gary, Texas
1 article 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"the end........."

Omg that was so funny loved it!

HannahRaven said...
on Sep. 9 2011 at 3:45 pm
Brilliant.

on Sep. 8 2011 at 12:49 pm
why in the worl would you saay this is awsome it suxxxx

Pillow BRONZE said...
on Sep. 8 2011 at 1:14 am
Pillow BRONZE, Spokane, Washington
1 article 5 photos 300 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing says oops like a wall of flame.

Brilliant. hahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!

on Sep. 5 2011 at 3:29 pm
zadiekatie23 PLATINUM, Rio Rancho, New Mexico
39 articles 4 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

Haha this pretty much sums up Twilight for sure

on Sep. 4 2011 at 3:01 pm
directorchick419 GOLD, Cranberry Township, Pennsylvania
15 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'd wanted to stay on that porch with him until the sun shone bright on both of us, but i didn't. I stood up and walked down the steps. I'd rather chase the sun than wait for it." from I am the Messanger by Markus Zusak.

pure laughter

on Sep. 2 2011 at 9:56 pm
BriannaLeigh SILVER, Paw Paw, West Virginia
5 articles 3 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia." -E.L. Doctorow

Did you really come up with that? It's kind of amazing, lol. You should be a comedian:D

on Sep. 2 2011 at 12:08 pm
CrystalMarie GOLD, Steubenville, Ohio
16 articles 0 photos 40 comments
Man i really like the seriease but this sure was funny!

A. said...
on Sep. 2 2011 at 9:18 am
Oh so very true

on Aug. 31 2011 at 1:41 pm

HA.

 Better than the original. Better. Better Better


on Aug. 31 2011 at 7:16 am
Kristen_M BRONZE, Mooresville, North Carolina
2 articles 10 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A good cry lightens the heart." -Yiddish Porverb

AHAHAHAHAHA!!! I think is just too funny!!! I die of luaghter eveytime.

dragonslayer said...
on Aug. 28 2011 at 1:43 am
I love that everytime something happens they all shout "yay"!

Aisuu GOLD said...
on Aug. 27 2011 at 7:15 pm
Aisuu GOLD, Colleyville, Texas
15 articles 0 photos 10 comments
I just laughed so loud, my sister cam e down from her room to yell at me for distracting her xD

hebos97 SILVER said...
on Aug. 27 2011 at 7:15 pm
hebos97 SILVER, Kincardine, Other
6 articles 8 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.

I love acurate this is!

on Aug. 27 2011 at 12:17 pm
StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
36 articles 17 photos 391 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it." - Life of Pi

Dear God, 1271 (now 1272) comments! O.O Do I have to write about Twilight to get this many views? P:

MakaylaS. GOLD said...
on Aug. 27 2011 at 8:49 am
MakaylaS. GOLD, Fairfax, Virginia
13 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Starve a Bully, Feed your Soul, STAND GRAND." -Vincent Castronovo

LOLOLOLOLOL OH MY GOSH THIS WAS AMAZING I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD. AMAZING JOB. I WILL READ THIS OVER AND OVER.


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