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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.





Join the Discussion

This article has 1889 comments. Post your own now!

AshKat98 said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 7:55 am
Very true! this was hilarious!!! hahahahahahahahahha! xD
 
yuka11 said...
Sept. 17, 2011 at 4:46 pm
like everyone else here- I LOVED THIS!!!!!! it shows how ironic and weird twilight really is :) lol lol lol :)
 
Shimmered_Realityz said...
Sept. 16, 2011 at 9:52 pm
xD haha very funny!!
 
Emy3nerd said...
Sept. 16, 2011 at 10:12 am
Omg that was great, I refused to read twilight so thanks for letting me know what everyone loved so much, which was nothing. HAHA still laughing!!!!
 
glittergirl911 said...
Sept. 16, 2011 at 10:10 am
i love this it was so hilarous lol
 
Pumpkinscout said...
Sept. 14, 2011 at 4:50 pm
This is funny! You have a good sense of humor :)
 
amchaucer said...
Sept. 14, 2011 at 10:17 am
This is Histerical I love This!!!
 
raggedyanarchy This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 4:27 pm
LMFAO!!! this made me blow milk out of my nose, and i even love the Twilight saga!
 
crazycatlady said...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 10:13 am
This makes twilight acually look good. I dont think the movie is all that greaat though
 
Princess Momo said...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 12:20 am
Ahahah! Great work and really funny.
 
Zorimar D. replied...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 12:01 pm
i know right princess momo it is funny
 
WrenAlaster said...
Sept. 12, 2011 at 1:12 pm
That's so funny! It just made my day!!!
 
TuckerXO replied...
Sept. 12, 2011 at 2:17 pm
lol is all i have to say
 
ForeverIsBull said...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 6:03 pm
Wow there were for books that were about 500 pages long...and you summed it up in one short entry. Brilliant
 
ayeshamuzaffarThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 7:33 am
It's like the editor likes your work. I have it too on two of my works. They don't email you for it.
 
ayeshamuzaffarThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 7:30 am

Twilight hater.

Welcome to the club buddy.

Common thing : we both think twilights a joke.

Btw very well written.

 
Hailz17 said...
Sept. 10, 2011 at 11:55 pm
Omg that was so funny loved it!
 
HannahRaven said...
Sept. 9, 2011 at 3:45 pm
Brilliant.
 
Pillow said...
Sept. 8, 2011 at 1:14 am
Brilliant. hahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!
 
zadiekatie23 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 5, 2011 at 3:29 pm
Haha this pretty much sums up Twilight for sure
 
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