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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion

This article has 1775 comments. Post your own now!

NeVassa said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 11:42 am
soooooooooooooo funny
 
NeVassa said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 11:42 am
amazing.. loved it... :D
 
Nellie21 said...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 10:31 pm
This was actually really funny even though I'm a twilight fan. Impressive!
 
Keli123 said...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 8:05 pm
lmao! i LOVE you for posting this. its pathetic how so many girls have fallen so hard for a freaking series of books and this just proves it. this is hilarious. :)
 
triplethreat said...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 8:04 pm
I am in love with the Twilight Saga since I first laid eyes on it. This made me laugh cause it's semi true... in a nutshell. It was good and you should SO make a video on Youtube!! XD haha 
 
Lola_Black said...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 6:42 pm
I must admit, I've been a huge Twilight fan. But, this made me want to laugh my a** off!! By the way, you missed the part where Edward and Bella were screwing and he bit a pillow ; )
 
LittleTeapot13 replied...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Lol it should have been something like 

BELLA: "Edward! Do me!"

EDWARD: "NO! ...Ok. Oooh Pillow! Nomnomnom"

JACOB: "Necrophilia! EWW!"

 
Muslimahsweetheart4ever said...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 5:46 pm
Ok i admit dis
 
LindsayB This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 1:53 pm
you do know that Stephanie Meyer is the publisher of teenink and therefore probably read this, right?
 
CatalineMahara replied...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 3:33 pm
Good! She needs too!
 
Kiba1 replied...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 6:42 pm
xxD she needs a wake up call
 
StrangeJade This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 6, 2011 at 4:25 pm
Actually, I looked it up and the publisher of TI magazine is Stephenie H. Meyer. The Stephenie Meyer who wrote Twilight has the middle initial M. But she should read this anyway. :P
 
Ruth V. said...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 9:57 am
Oh My God! This was awesome! It's true and it saved me four books and what is it now? Four movies?
 
reenay_95 said...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 9:38 am
OH MY GOD YES.
 
Aemma said...
Jun. 21, 2011 at 1:24 pm
HAHAHAAHA!! OK this was realy funny it had me cracking up like crazy over here. This was so  true! Very nice job ! :D
 
Shadowrider said...
Jun. 20, 2011 at 11:13 pm
This is so true! It cracked me up! I LOVED it! I think it's hilarious, and way too true!
 
Jacy-Lee said...
Jun. 20, 2011 at 12:37 pm

this is pretty depressing...considering this is all there is to Twilight.

 

 
Lucifersangel123 said...
Jun. 18, 2011 at 11:14 pm
makes me wanna laugh, most of its kinda true
 
Kattelatte123 said...
Jun. 18, 2011 at 12:10 pm
This is infinitely better than the real thing.
 
Wixkedlovy said...
Jun. 16, 2011 at 9:36 pm
It's funny because that is exactly what Bella is like. Unintelligent.
 
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