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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

Join the Discussion

This article has 1834 comments. Post your own now!

Hejlna said...
Aug. 5, 2011 at 4:11 pm
I read twilight in about two minutes it was so shallow. youv'e got the plot. LOL!
billgamesh11 said...
Aug. 5, 2011 at 2:26 pm
That was hilarious!!!:):):);)
Mrs.Kullen This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 12:55 am
LOL like a psycho when i read the ending. love it.
Salukin said...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 12:35 am
Oh gosh, this is great, totally just made my day.
Pinna said...
Aug. 3, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Peaceandloveforever said...
Aug. 3, 2011 at 2:36 am
i love this :) so funny
MoraleAsh said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 5:16 pm
I love love love the sarcasm. It was perfect!
ninjasistanumbaone said...
Jul. 30, 2011 at 8:36 pm
ForeverDreamLand0724 said...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 10:42 pm
Lmao This Is Halarious ( :
TAR11 said...
Jul. 19, 2011 at 6:41 am
Cool story please check mine out if you get the chance. 
rebthewriter said...
Jul. 18, 2011 at 7:28 pm
LOL!!!this story is hilarious!! i laughed soo much, my family all stared at me like i was a moron :) ps-this would be like the epic-est movie ever XD
writerfreak21231This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 16, 2011 at 9:13 am
I loved this story! It was soooo funny! I laughed my heart out! I just posted two of my stories called the beast and nightstalker. If u decide to read them that would be great! Make sure u post comments! :D thanks and keep writing! :)
BananasAmuseMe :) said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 10:32 pm

*Jacob and Bella embrace*

Edward: "Beastiality! EWW!!!!"


This was hilarious :L

coolbeans41 said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 5:45 pm
ohmygosh LMFAO that was really funny and i dont laugh at like anything:) u should be a comedian and write more!
Flashlevitation This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 4:13 pm
exactly what i think of the entire series! i was thinking about making a music video spoof of the twilight series. HILARIOUS!
Purae said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 3:46 pm
This was absolutely hilarious. Thanks for the laugh!
YellowRose79 said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Awesome! This exactly what I thought of Twilight series XD

Rofl: Jacom *facepalm*

4everyoung15 said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Wow you should have made this and spared me the time of going through four useless books and just ending up pissed off in the end!


TophBei-Fong said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 5:21 am
Omg favorite part: JACOB face-palms
Wildflower30 said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 3:16 am
This is... fabulous!!!!!
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