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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion

This article has 1886 comments. Post your own now!

Asagi R. said...
Sept. 29, 2011 at 7:26 pm
AHAHAHA! >.< Hilarious!
 
HateKnuckle said...
Sept. 28, 2011 at 7:38 pm
The word choice was so good and the way you said it was superb. I really loved it. The emotions flew off the screen and right into my face. Great job. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL 5 STARS.
 
WhiteWidow said...
Sept. 26, 2011 at 2:41 pm
This is still on?!  I remember reading this, like, a year ago.  Still makes me laugh.  ^.^
 
spiritiris said...
Sept. 25, 2011 at 6:23 pm
Hilarious. I love these types of parodies.
 
littlebirdblue said...
Sept. 23, 2011 at 1:47 pm
XD lolol!!!
 
no1texastiger said...
Sept. 23, 2011 at 12:31 pm
Oh my gawsh. I think I just about died! That was so hilarious! Loved it!
 
Ninga99 said...
Sept. 22, 2011 at 12:55 pm
THAT IS HILARIOUS!!
 
Iggy_Fang112 said...
Sept. 22, 2011 at 12:21 am
I've read this post more times than i can count. (well, almost) its still just as awesome as it was the first time! keep up the good work.
 
Bloozagurl said...
Sept. 21, 2011 at 11:20 am
Oh my gosh. That was AMAZING!! I couldn't stop laughing XD
 
nerd101 said...
Sept. 20, 2011 at 8:39 pm
i loved it i also loved twilight but that was a way funnier version.
 
angelchild said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 7:31 pm
hahahaha could not stop laughing XD. It's fun to laugh at anything every so often, even if I loved the books.
 
crushcrush35 said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 5:46 pm
Haha! That was probably one of the funniest things I ever read.. I should do that for my Language Arts Project! :D
 
Xella714 said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Thank you, there are far to few good articles on this website

 

 
Costa said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 1:00 pm

I wish I had read this earlier. I could have gotten a few friends together and done this for the school's talent show. It'd also be perfect becasue my school is practically a comedy school and so man people like Twilight.

Anyway, it was great, very funny and i thank you for giving me my idea for next year's talent show! :D

 
Costa replied...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 1:02 pm
*many people……
 
Bookworm1998 said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 8:38 am
lol even tho i dont even like twilight, this is awesome!
 
Regan S. said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 8:29 am

hahahaha nice job

 

 
AshKat98 said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 7:55 am
Very true! this was hilarious!!! hahahahahahahahahha! xD
 
yuka11 said...
Sept. 17, 2011 at 4:46 pm
like everyone else here- I LOVED THIS!!!!!! it shows how ironic and weird twilight really is :) lol lol lol :)
 
Shimmered_Realityz said...
Sept. 16, 2011 at 9:52 pm
xD haha very funny!!
 
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