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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion

This article has 1854 comments. Post your own now!

Princess Momo said...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 12:20 am
Ahahah! Great work and really funny.
 
Zorimar D. replied...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 12:01 pm
i know right princess momo it is funny
 
WrenAlaster said...
Sept. 12, 2011 at 1:12 pm
That's so funny! It just made my day!!!
 
TuckerXO replied...
Sept. 12, 2011 at 2:17 pm
lol is all i have to say
 
ForeverIsBull said...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 6:03 pm
Wow there were for books that were about 500 pages long...and you summed it up in one short entry. Brilliant
 
ayeshamuzaffar This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 7:33 am
It's like the editor likes your work. I have it too on two of my works. They don't email you for it.
 
ayeshamuzaffar This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 7:30 am

Twilight hater.

Welcome to the club buddy.

Common thing : we both think twilights a joke.

Btw very well written.

 
Hailz17 said...
Sept. 10, 2011 at 11:55 pm
Omg that was so funny loved it!
 
HannahRaven said...
Sept. 9, 2011 at 3:45 pm
Brilliant.
 
Pillow said...
Sept. 8, 2011 at 1:14 am
Brilliant. hahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!
 
zadiekatie23This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 5, 2011 at 3:29 pm
Haha this pretty much sums up Twilight for sure
 
authorgirl_4_19 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 4, 2011 at 3:01 pm
pure laughter
 
MorgannAmelia said...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 9:56 pm
Did you really come up with that? It's kind of amazing, lol. You should be a comedian:D
 
CrystalMarie said...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Man i really like the seriease but this sure was funny!
 
A. said...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 9:18 am
Oh so very true
 
Ajay The Jet Plane said...
Aug. 31, 2011 at 1:41 pm

HA.

 Better than the original. Better. Better Better

 
Kristen_M said...
Aug. 31, 2011 at 7:16 am
AHAHAHAHAHA!!! I think is just too funny!!! I die of luaghter eveytime.
 
dragonslayer said...
Aug. 28, 2011 at 1:43 am
I love that everytime something happens they all shout "yay"!
 
IceQueen said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 7:15 pm
I just laughed so loud, my sister cam e down from her room to yell at me for distracting her xD
 
hebos97 said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 7:15 pm
I love acurate this is!
 
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