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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion

This article has 1871 comments. Post your own now!

Bookworm1998 said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 8:38 am
lol even tho i dont even like twilight, this is awesome!
 
Regan S. said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 8:29 am

hahahaha nice job

 

 
AshKat98 said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 7:55 am
Very true! this was hilarious!!! hahahahahahahahahha! xD
 
yuka11 said...
Sept. 17, 2011 at 4:46 pm
like everyone else here- I LOVED THIS!!!!!! it shows how ironic and weird twilight really is :) lol lol lol :)
 
Shimmered_Realityz said...
Sept. 16, 2011 at 9:52 pm
xD haha very funny!!
 
Emy3nerd said...
Sept. 16, 2011 at 10:12 am
Omg that was great, I refused to read twilight so thanks for letting me know what everyone loved so much, which was nothing. HAHA still laughing!!!!
 
glittergirl911 said...
Sept. 16, 2011 at 10:10 am
i love this it was so hilarous lol
 
Pumpkinscout said...
Sept. 14, 2011 at 4:50 pm
This is funny! You have a good sense of humor :)
 
amchaucer said...
Sept. 14, 2011 at 10:17 am
This is Histerical I love This!!!
 
raggedyanarchy This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 4:27 pm
LMFAO!!! this made me blow milk out of my nose, and i even love the Twilight saga!
 
crazycatlady said...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 10:13 am
This makes twilight acually look good. I dont think the movie is all that greaat though
 
Princess Momo said...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 12:20 am
Ahahah! Great work and really funny.
 
Zorimar D. replied...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 12:01 pm
i know right princess momo it is funny
 
WrenAlaster said...
Sept. 12, 2011 at 1:12 pm
That's so funny! It just made my day!!!
 
TuckerXO replied...
Sept. 12, 2011 at 2:17 pm
lol is all i have to say
 
ForeverIsBull said...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 6:03 pm
Wow there were for books that were about 500 pages long...and you summed it up in one short entry. Brilliant
 
ayeshamuzaffar This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 7:33 am
It's like the editor likes your work. I have it too on two of my works. They don't email you for it.
 
ayeshamuzaffar This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 7:30 am

Twilight hater.

Welcome to the club buddy.

Common thing : we both think twilights a joke.

Btw very well written.

 
Hailz17 said...
Sept. 10, 2011 at 11:55 pm
Omg that was so funny loved it!
 
HannahRaven said...
Sept. 9, 2011 at 3:45 pm
Brilliant.
 
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