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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion

This article has 1875 comments. Post your own now!

crushcrush35 said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 5:46 pm
Haha! That was probably one of the funniest things I ever read.. I should do that for my Language Arts Project! :D
 
Xella714 said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Thank you, there are far to few good articles on this website

 

 
Costa said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 1:00 pm

I wish I had read this earlier. I could have gotten a few friends together and done this for the school's talent show. It'd also be perfect becasue my school is practically a comedy school and so man people like Twilight.

Anyway, it was great, very funny and i thank you for giving me my idea for next year's talent show! :D

 
Costa replied...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 1:02 pm
*many people……
 
Bookworm1998 said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 8:38 am
lol even tho i dont even like twilight, this is awesome!
 
Regan S. said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 8:29 am

hahahaha nice job

 

 
AshKat98 said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 7:55 am
Very true! this was hilarious!!! hahahahahahahahahha! xD
 
yuka11 said...
Sept. 17, 2011 at 4:46 pm
like everyone else here- I LOVED THIS!!!!!! it shows how ironic and weird twilight really is :) lol lol lol :)
 
Shimmered_Realityz said...
Sept. 16, 2011 at 9:52 pm
xD haha very funny!!
 
Emy3nerd said...
Sept. 16, 2011 at 10:12 am
Omg that was great, I refused to read twilight so thanks for letting me know what everyone loved so much, which was nothing. HAHA still laughing!!!!
 
glittergirl911 said...
Sept. 16, 2011 at 10:10 am
i love this it was so hilarous lol
 
Pumpkinscout said...
Sept. 14, 2011 at 4:50 pm
This is funny! You have a good sense of humor :)
 
amchaucer said...
Sept. 14, 2011 at 10:17 am
This is Histerical I love This!!!
 
raggedyanarchy This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 4:27 pm
LMFAO!!! this made me blow milk out of my nose, and i even love the Twilight saga!
 
crazycatlady said...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 10:13 am
This makes twilight acually look good. I dont think the movie is all that greaat though
 
Princess Momo said...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 12:20 am
Ahahah! Great work and really funny.
 
Zorimar D. replied...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 12:01 pm
i know right princess momo it is funny
 
WrenAlaster said...
Sept. 12, 2011 at 1:12 pm
That's so funny! It just made my day!!!
 
TuckerXO replied...
Sept. 12, 2011 at 2:17 pm
lol is all i have to say
 
ForeverIsBull said...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 6:03 pm
Wow there were for books that were about 500 pages long...and you summed it up in one short entry. Brilliant
 
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