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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

Join the Discussion

This article has 1878 comments. Post your own now!

Bloozagurl said...
Sept. 21, 2011 at 11:20 am
Oh my gosh. That was AMAZING!! I couldn't stop laughing XD
nerd101 said...
Sept. 20, 2011 at 8:39 pm
i loved it i also loved twilight but that was a way funnier version.
angelchild said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 7:31 pm
hahahaha could not stop laughing XD. It's fun to laugh at anything every so often, even if I loved the books.
crushcrush35 said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 5:46 pm
Haha! That was probably one of the funniest things I ever read.. I should do that for my Language Arts Project! :D
Xella714 said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Thank you, there are far to few good articles on this website


Costa said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 1:00 pm

I wish I had read this earlier. I could have gotten a few friends together and done this for the school's talent show. It'd also be perfect becasue my school is practically a comedy school and so man people like Twilight.

Anyway, it was great, very funny and i thank you for giving me my idea for next year's talent show! :D

Costa replied...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 1:02 pm
*many people……
Bookworm1998 said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 8:38 am
lol even tho i dont even like twilight, this is awesome!
Regan S. said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 8:29 am

hahahaha nice job


AshKat98 said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 7:55 am
Very true! this was hilarious!!! hahahahahahahahahha! xD
yuka11 said...
Sept. 17, 2011 at 4:46 pm
like everyone else here- I LOVED THIS!!!!!! it shows how ironic and weird twilight really is :) lol lol lol :)
Shimmered_Realityz said...
Sept. 16, 2011 at 9:52 pm
xD haha very funny!!
Emy3nerd said...
Sept. 16, 2011 at 10:12 am
Omg that was great, I refused to read twilight so thanks for letting me know what everyone loved so much, which was nothing. HAHA still laughing!!!!
glittergirl911 said...
Sept. 16, 2011 at 10:10 am
i love this it was so hilarous lol
Pumpkinscout said...
Sept. 14, 2011 at 4:50 pm
This is funny! You have a good sense of humor :)
amchaucer said...
Sept. 14, 2011 at 10:17 am
This is Histerical I love This!!!
raggedyanarchy This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 4:27 pm
LMFAO!!! this made me blow milk out of my nose, and i even love the Twilight saga!
crazycatlady said...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 10:13 am
This makes twilight acually look good. I dont think the movie is all that greaat though
Princess Momo said...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 12:20 am
Ahahah! Great work and really funny.
Zorimar D. replied...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 12:01 pm
i know right princess momo it is funny
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