Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

Join the Discussion

This article has 1812 comments. Post your own now!

Mrs.Kullen This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 12:55 am
LOL like a psycho when i read the ending. love it.
Salukin said...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 12:35 am
Oh gosh, this is great, totally just made my day.
Pinna said...
Aug. 3, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Peaceandloveforever said...
Aug. 3, 2011 at 2:36 am
i love this :) so funny
MoraleAsh said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 5:16 pm
I love love love the sarcasm. It was perfect!
ninjasistanumbaone said...
Jul. 30, 2011 at 8:36 pm
ForeverDreamLand0724 said...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 10:42 pm
Lmao This Is Halarious ( :
TAR11 said...
Jul. 19, 2011 at 6:41 am
Cool story please check mine out if you get the chance. 
rebthewriter said...
Jul. 18, 2011 at 7:28 pm
LOL!!!this story is hilarious!! i laughed soo much, my family all stared at me like i was a moron :) ps-this would be like the epic-est movie ever XD
writerfreak21231This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 16, 2011 at 9:13 am
I loved this story! It was soooo funny! I laughed my heart out! I just posted two of my stories called the beast and nightstalker. If u decide to read them that would be great! Make sure u post comments! :D thanks and keep writing! :)
BananasAmuseMe :) said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 10:32 pm

*Jacob and Bella embrace*

Edward: "Beastiality! EWW!!!!"


This was hilarious :L

coolbeans41 said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 5:45 pm
ohmygosh LMFAO that was really funny and i dont laugh at like anything:) u should be a comedian and write more!
Flashlevitation This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 4:13 pm
exactly what i think of the entire series! i was thinking about making a music video spoof of the twilight series. HILARIOUS!
Purae said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 3:46 pm
This was absolutely hilarious. Thanks for the laugh!
YellowRose79 said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Awesome! This exactly what I thought of Twilight series XD

Rofl: Jacom *facepalm*

4everyoung15 said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Wow you should have made this and spared me the time of going through four useless books and just ending up pissed off in the end!


TophBei-Fong said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 5:21 am
Omg favorite part: JACOB face-palms
Wildflower30 said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 3:16 am
This is... fabulous!!!!!
AheartWithaLove said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 2:14 am
i love this. you summed it all up!!!
JenelleMarie123 said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 1:41 am
Yes it was funnny and yes it was well written....BUT i love the Twilight saga so i wag my finger at you. SHAME ON YOU!!! Lol jkjk[:
Site Feedback