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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

Join the Discussion

This article has 1834 comments. Post your own now!

StrangeJade This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Dear God, 1271 (now 1272) comments! O.O Do I have to write about Twilight to get this many views? P:
ThisChangesNothing said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 8:49 am
ShiverPaw said...
Aug. 25, 2011 at 10:56 am
Hope nobody asks why I'm sitting on the computer and grinning my head off!!!
-mystery said...
Aug. 24, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Rofl! I couldn't stop laughing; even as I read!

-kudos, master of parodies. ;)

forever_writing said...
Aug. 22, 2011 at 8:28 pm
LOLZ best twilight saga parody ever!!!
WritingGrrl said...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:45 pm
LOL This is absolutly brilliant!! Haha this made my day, you should make more. :)
KapSlap said...
Aug. 18, 2011 at 11:09 pm
what exactly is editor's choice? cause they didnt email me about it but it says one of mine is...i dont understand 
writerfreak21231This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 18, 2011 at 10:44 am
i really enjoyed! Infact I kept on coming back for more!!! I cant stop!!!! If anyone had the time could you please check out some of my work? I need more comments and feedback!!! I would be will ing to even check out anyones work if the do comment on my stories! I love the advice as well as giving it! :)(:
Daydreambeliever57 said...
Aug. 16, 2011 at 3:34 pm
Omg this is fantastically hilarious! It's like the funniest Twilight related thing since Vampires Suck!
takeitasitis said...
Aug. 14, 2011 at 12:10 pm
Bwwwaaahhhhaahhahaha!!! Ahhh! Hahahaha! So... pant...pant...giggle...stifled laugh... funny!
Iggy_Fang112 said...
Aug. 13, 2011 at 12:32 am
oh my word that was so hilarious.  i literally lol. that was so much better than the books, and if u did a movie on would be better than the movies im sure. thanks so much for postin.
O_oRiet said...
Aug. 10, 2011 at 3:02 pm
I'm sending a link of this to my cousin. She's like, in LOVE with Twilight. I love teasing her about it all the time. This is just too funny. I've read parts of the seriese to check it out, and stuff, and I've read ebough to know that this is better. "My eggo is preggo". . .I had the misfortune of reading that sean (with ony mild horrer). How ever dum it can get.
believeinyou said...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 11:32 am

this was better than the movie and the books!!!!!it made me laugh!


abbadoo said...
Aug. 6, 2011 at 10:32 pm
You just spoofed my day. Loved the never ending awkwardness...
luvkittehz8P This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 6, 2011 at 4:20 pm

XD I love the Twilight series, and even I found this funny!

"Edawrd, kill me so I can live forever!"

-shoots with a gun-

That had to be my favorite part

O_oRiet replied...
Aug. 10, 2011 at 2:57 pm
Definitely! That and "I think she meant "Bite me". Hilarous!!
Jaeda R. said...
Aug. 5, 2011 at 10:13 pm
lol. ^-^ that is too funny.
Cielo4ever said...
Aug. 5, 2011 at 7:03 pm
mcdonalds lover 102 replied...
Sept. 8, 2011 at 12:49 pm
why in the worl would you saay this is awsome it suxxxx
ayeshamuzaffar This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 7:32 am
No it doesn't. We both know that it doesn't . In fact the whole world knoes it doesn't. Twilight sucks. 
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