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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion

This article has 1842 comments. Post your own now!

MorgannAmelia said...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 9:56 pm
Did you really come up with that? It's kind of amazing, lol. You should be a comedian:D
 
CrystalMarie said...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Man i really like the seriease but this sure was funny!
 
A. said...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 9:18 am
Oh so very true
 
Ajay The Jet Plane said...
Aug. 31, 2011 at 1:41 pm

HA.

 Better than the original. Better. Better Better

 
Kristen_M said...
Aug. 31, 2011 at 7:16 am
AHAHAHAHAHA!!! I think is just too funny!!! I die of luaghter eveytime.
 
dragonslayer said...
Aug. 28, 2011 at 1:43 am
I love that everytime something happens they all shout "yay"!
 
IceQueen said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 7:15 pm
I just laughed so loud, my sister cam e down from her room to yell at me for distracting her xD
 
hebos97 said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 7:15 pm
I love acurate this is!
 
StrangeJade This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Dear God, 1271 (now 1272) comments! O.O Do I have to write about Twilight to get this many views? P:
 
ThisChangesNothing said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 8:49 am
LOLOLOLOLOL OH MY GOSH THIS WAS AMAZING I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD. AMAZING JOB. I WILL READ THIS OVER AND OVER.
 
ShiverPaw said...
Aug. 25, 2011 at 10:56 am
Hope nobody asks why I'm sitting on the computer and grinning my head off!!!
 
-mystery said...
Aug. 24, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Rofl! I couldn't stop laughing; even as I read!

-kudos, master of parodies. ;)

 
forever_writing said...
Aug. 22, 2011 at 8:28 pm
LOLZ best twilight saga parody ever!!!
 
WritingGrrl said...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:45 pm
LOL This is absolutly brilliant!! Haha this made my day, you should make more. :)
 
KapSlap said...
Aug. 18, 2011 at 11:09 pm
what exactly is editor's choice? cause they didnt email me about it but it says one of mine is...i dont understand 
 
writerfreak21231 said...
Aug. 18, 2011 at 10:44 am
i really enjoyed! Infact I kept on coming back for more!!! I cant stop!!!! If anyone had the time could you please check out some of my work? I need more comments and feedback!!! I would be will ing to even check out anyones work if the do comment on my stories! I love the advice as well as giving it! :)(:
 
Daydreambeliever57 said...
Aug. 16, 2011 at 3:34 pm
Omg this is fantastically hilarious! It's like the funniest Twilight related thing since Vampires Suck!
 
takeitasitis said...
Aug. 14, 2011 at 12:10 pm
Bwwwaaahhhhaahhahaha!!! Ahhh! Hahahaha! So... pant...pant...giggle...stifled laugh... funny!
 
Iggy_Fang112 said...
Aug. 13, 2011 at 12:32 am
oh my word that was so hilarious.  i literally lol. that was so much better than the books, and if u did a movie on that.....it would be better than the movies im sure. thanks so much for postin.
 
O_oRiet said...
Aug. 10, 2011 at 3:02 pm
I'm sending a link of this to my cousin. She's like, in LOVE with Twilight. I love teasing her about it all the time. This is just too funny. I've read parts of the seriese to check it out, and stuff, and I've read ebough to know that this is better. "My eggo is preggo". . .I had the misfortune of reading that sean (with ony mild horrer). How ever dum it can get.
 
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