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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1771 comments. Post your own!

StarGazer453 said...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 2:56 pm:
That was absolutely hysterical.  *applause*
 
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TwinnBears27 said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 11:47 pm:
that was really funny:D
 
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Skemo18 said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 8:32 am:
lmao that was actually funny . nice job!!
 
Gereldine5 replied...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 11:17 pm :
this=epic win. Thank you, for saving the countless lives of people out there who would haveto be scared for life from reading the books. Legit Win! ;D
 
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SaritaFajita said...
Jun. 27, 2011 at 3:18 pm:

This is LEGIT!(:

You've saved so many people from having to read all 4 of the books! ;D

 
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charlizdris said...
Jun. 26, 2011 at 12:19 pm:
Genius You are HILARIOUS
 
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OneInParticular1017 said...
Jun. 25, 2011 at 9:29 pm:
Hahahaha hilarious! I love Twilight and all, but seriously- NAILED IT.
 
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renni said...
Jun. 25, 2011 at 12:03 pm:
i loved this :D i really loved the line "Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!"
 
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stargazer816 said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 9:41 pm:
that is so funny!
 
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mynameisgraceThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 1:26 pm:
this is.. wow. amazing. <3
 
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TheSilverLaurel said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 12:10 pm:
this is the funniest thing i have ever read!
 
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NeVassa said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 11:45 am:
whoooooooooooooooo!!
 
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NeVassa said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 11:44 am:
i loved this soo much
 
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NeVassa said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 11:44 am:
However, this is hilarious and exactly the truth of what happened.. lol i appreciate you posting this! <3'd it!!
 
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NeVassa said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 11:43 am:
im posting comments to win over him her and the receptionist XP
 
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NeVassa said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 11:43 am:
oky.. ill b honest
 
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NeVassa said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 11:42 am:
soooooooooooooo funny
 
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NeVassa said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 11:42 am:
amazing.. loved it... :D
 
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Nellie21 said...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 10:31 pm:
This was actually really funny even though I'm a twilight fan. Impressive!
 
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Keli123 said...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 8:05 pm:
lmao! i LOVE you for posting this. its pathetic how so many girls have fallen so hard for a freaking series of books and this just proves it. this is hilarious. :)
 
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