The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1941 comments.


on Jul. 9 2015 at 6:29 pm
writer8594 SILVER, Irving, Texas
7 articles 0 photos 15 comments
This is too funny!

annycs13 GOLD said...
on Jul. 8 2015 at 10:20 pm
annycs13 GOLD, Davis, California
12 articles 12 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The less you reveal, the more people can wonder.."



-Emma Watson

LOLZ! This is great!

on Jul. 2 2015 at 12:15 am
Timber2141 GOLD, Enterprise, Utah
10 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?

That. Was. AWESOME!!!

on Jun. 10 2015 at 3:02 pm
Columbus BRONZE, Columbus, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
Coffins don't have pockets

Nailed it.

on May. 29 2015 at 11:38 am
Musical_Mischief_Mayhem BRONZE, Parsippany, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
Loved it! Do the Hunger Games next!

on May. 25 2015 at 4:27 am
OnceUponAnEmptyRoad, Wangaratta, Other
0 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A word after a word after a word is power."

There are no words to describe how much I love this. This..is the best thing ever written. [SLOW CLAP] Brava, my friend, brava.

alex.paige.m said...
on May. 15 2015 at 8:25 pm
Im planing on fliming this in early june! super excited. this is really funny stuff :)

on May. 15 2015 at 5:32 pm
super.ballerina SILVER, League City, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Emotion is the greatest source of writing."

I literally am dead. Holy moley, you are amazing!

on May. 3 2015 at 9:15 pm
Listenntomusiceveryday PLATINUM, Cypress, Texas
23 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields, and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills, we shall never surrender."
-Winston Churchill

Well. I just died. More than once.

on May. 1 2015 at 10:24 am
Maddie17 BRONZE, Gulf Shores, Alabama
2 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with." ~ Victor Hugo

I can't stop laughing! X"D

on Apr. 19 2015 at 11:01 am
casey_lg PLATINUM, Clemmons, North Carolina
20 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"history, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again." -Maya Angelou

This is perfect and I think you are my hero now.

on Apr. 11 2015 at 12:38 pm
OfficialIzzyColon BRONZE, St.Louis, Missouri
3 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do something other than killing time. Because time is killing you."

This is the best Twilight fanfic I've ever read.

on Mar. 9 2015 at 6:08 pm
The_Edge SILVER, Teaneck, New Jersey
9 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Wisest is he who knows he does not know."
-Socrates

Brilliant. I now see why almost everyone hates this series. Thank you for summing it up in a truly awesome way.

on Mar. 6 2015 at 1:01 pm
SkyTekile PLATINUM, Tetonia, Idaho
30 articles 3 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be the change you wish to see in the world."
-Gandhi

Just.. yes. Just, yes.

on Mar. 3 2015 at 6:30 pm
LucifersPhoenix, Tea, South Dakota
0 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life isn't successful without friends and family. By: Unknown

That was funny and nice

on Feb. 21 2015 at 3:08 pm
The_Girl_of_Many_Words BRONZE, West Monroe, Louisiana
3 articles 0 photos 2 comments
This is freaking amazing. Thank you.

Mo-Con BRONZE said...
on Feb. 13 2015 at 1:52 pm
Mo-Con BRONZE, Hartland, Wisconsin
4 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Our past is a story. Our future is it's sequel."

Dear Author, I shed a tear during this paper Thank you, Mo-Con

on Feb. 11 2015 at 5:24 am
Allen. PLATINUM, Palo Alto, California
32 articles 9 photos 525 comments

Favorite Quote:
[i]No matter how much people try to put you down or make you think other things about yourself, the only person you can trust about who you really are is you[/i] -Crusher-P

One of the most beautiful things on this earth.

on Jan. 20 2015 at 8:24 am
HappyEmeal GOLD, Lahore, Other
16 articles 4 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
When life knocks you down, Dhuzzz! Just puzza back up!!!

I DO NOT EVEN NEED TO WATCH THE MOVIES ANYMORE BECAUSE NOT ONLY DOES THIS MAKE SENSE, THE AUTHOR USED A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOUR TOO. LOVE ITT

LanaJ BRONZE said...
on Jan. 15 2015 at 6:21 pm
LanaJ BRONZE, Poland, Maine
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment
Man this was good.