The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1935 comments.

on Dec. 28 2017 at 8:50 pm
VeryCiya SILVER, Dalton, Georgia
5 articles 9 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"So it goes." Kurt Vonnegut

well...this isn't really incorrect

This is great. Excellent. I love it.

That's was amazing...I just love people who do this kind of stuff to get back at the craziness Twilight set off.

Mushrooms_M said...
on Dec. 5 2017 at 3:58 pm
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
Dude wtf is this.

on Oct. 16 2017 at 9:48 am
MercadezLuvsU2 SILVER, Battle Creek, Michigan
6 articles 0 photos 2 comments
lol, So true. I can see it now.

on Oct. 2 2017 at 3:14 pm
dearguilttripping, Elk Grove, California
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
im in class and dying of laughter 11/10

on May. 11 2017 at 1:31 pm
lemonfanta BRONZE, Montgomery, Illinois
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"Is this the real life? Is this just fanta-sea?"

Literary classic?

RRicks9 SILVER said...
on May. 5 2017 at 2:37 am
RRicks9 SILVER, Tirana, Other
6 articles 0 photos 11 comments
OMG! This is so hilarious! "I think she meant bite me."

on Apr. 28 2017 at 7:06 am
HereSheIs BRONZE, Wellesley, Massachusetts
3 articles 0 photos 192 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." -Plato

This is what the Twighlight books/movies should have been, because it's much higher quality and an awesome parody :)

on Feb. 21 2017 at 3:34 pm
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
Lmao! amazing

on Feb. 21 2017 at 11:07 am
RashelLiko SILVER, Tirana, Other
9 articles 0 photos 22 comments
Hilarious! XD

Yld777 SILVER said...
on Feb. 21 2017 at 7:33 am
Yld777 SILVER, Tirana, Other
6 articles 0 photos 22 comments
nice and funny

on Feb. 19 2017 at 2:39 pm
AditiVibgyor BRONZE, Bhopal, Other
3 articles 0 photos 10 comments
Wow this was extremely hilarious!!

on Jan. 30 2017 at 9:45 am
0 articles 3 photos 2 comments
Omg I've read The Twilight series and this practically sums everything up. Lol this was really funny.

lmckenney said...
on Nov. 3 2016 at 7:52 am
This was funny I laughed so hard!

on Oct. 24 2016 at 10:14 am
JasonEdwardWilson BRONZE, Edgewater Park, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 4 comments
So great, I died

on Oct. 24 2016 at 10:04 am
This was so funny because it was so true.

on Oct. 24 2016 at 9:50 am
MomoTheLemur BRONZE, Burlington City, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 9 comments
Amazingly amazing

Eric Breazy said...
on Oct. 24 2016 at 9:48 am
The beauty The romance The confusion Teenage love

AGupta1 BRONZE said...
on Oct. 19 2016 at 2:13 pm
AGupta1 BRONZE, Naperville, Illinois
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment
Keep writing please! I laughed out loud and my mother looked at me like I was crazy.

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