The Color Of The Inside Of My Mouth This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

January 22, 2009
I wipe at my stupid eyes with the back of my hand, and it startles me for a second that my tears are gray. I dunno why it surprised me; I mean, I buy the s***ty mascara that’s $1.99 in the 20 Items or Less checkout lane. Why spend oodles of green on something I hardly ever use?

I just wanted to look nice, you know? Like those girls who’re just naturally fake pretty. The girls who can blend shades of eyeshadow like no one’s business, and match their lipstick to the exact color of their toenail polish or whatever. Seemingly effortless, yet impeccably coordinated.

This is good stuff, I should write for a living – solely on the subject of beauty queens with superiority complexes, of course.

I just want … God, what do I want? I want to feel the sun on my face and paint the clouds and hear the music in the trees and love myself and love someone else and just feel perpetually beautiful.

But that requires the $14.99 waterproof, fire-retardant, Grade-5-hurricane-resistant mascara, not the tube that’s two bucks in Lane 4.

My shoes are dirty and outdated, but that’s how I like them. I like these shoes. They’re comfortable. Why do I need new, expensive, fashionably appealing shoes in order for someone to say, “Hey dogg, you look nice today”?

And why is it that whenever I get deathly bored and slather cheap, pore-clogging makeup all over my face everyone suddenly says, “Wow, you look pretty!”? Since when is “pretty” about whale blubber and cocoa butter?

I’ll tell you one thing, though. I most definitely am not crying about some stupid XY.

Definitely not.

I’m crying for all the whales that have to give up their fatty insulation so that some fugly anorexic super bitch can paint herself pretty every freaking day, giving him something halfway decent to oggle all the time.

Seriously, I’m not leaking saltwater over a guy.

I just think it’s cruel and unfair that the fat-endowed marine life population doesn’t even get the slightest warning that they’ll soon be on a cosmetics endcap at K-Mart.

He could have at least broken it to me gently, you know? We’ve been friends since the George Bush/Al Gore debacle.

I mean come the Bette Midler on.

I spill my blood, guts, and viscera out to this guy and he throws down the “Let’s just be friends” card without a second thought?

It’s just … it’s common courtesy to ease someone into heartbreak, not smash it over their head like a whiffleball bat.

You know what? I’m going to take my $1.99 checkout Lane 4 mascara and chuck it right at her big, stupid square head.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

Join the Discussion

This article has 476 comments. Post your own now!

ohheyyyelli said...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 11:39 am

I like the style of writing, and I agree with the whole make up thing, but then I got to this part

"fugly anorexic super bitch"

I have an eating disorder, and it's people like you who give ed's the wrong impression. Just because someone is anorexic does not mean they cake make up on their face everyday. And they are not doing it so they can look perfectly skinny and beautiful, there's an underlying reason. Maybe I'm out of line for this comment, and maybe a bunch of people will ... (more »)

Lola_Black said...
Jul. 11, 2011 at 7:54 pm
If this is an excerpt from your journal, shouldn't it be in nonfiction?
Cassys said...
Jun. 23, 2011 at 8:48 pm

cool its interesting

and thats what readers like

god bless you

and thanks for writing it takes guts and you have them


RhythmAndRhyme said...
Jun. 23, 2011 at 7:24 pm
This is awesome! I love the style. (From your journal, am I correct?) Very interesting. Very cool. Keep writing! :)))))
kat <3 said...
Jun. 23, 2011 at 6:19 pm
this artical made me laugh and think that this really all true. huh who would have thought.....
citylightsgirl93 said...
Jun. 23, 2011 at 5:38 pm
it is very realistic! great job :)
MeaghanSeesStarsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 23, 2011 at 3:32 pm
really good, but im also confused about the title...?
Bassoonkelley This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 23, 2011 at 8:17 pm
I went for a fleshy, raw tone to the writing - like the back of your throat, or "the inside of my mouth"
apoetssoul said...
Jun. 23, 2011 at 3:14 pm
I adore this. You're a hero for having the balls to post this inner monologue of sorts up here for the whole teen world to view and beyond, pardon my phrasing. Please keep writing, in this same raw and honest style. I admire it, can relate to it, and aspire to perfect it as eloquently as you have. Thank you. God bless! :)
caprifox97 said...
Jun. 23, 2011 at 3:08 pm
One ( or two) words... Amazing. This was so true it almost took my breath away. I can relate to this, that is exacticaly what I look for in writing.
Jenna T. said...
Jun. 23, 2011 at 9:40 am
why the title 
SmellsLikeTeenWriter said...
Jun. 1, 2011 at 9:02 pm
Love it! This reminds me of myself when I write down random thoughts. You could write a Perks of Being a Wallflower/ Go Ask Alice/ Catcher in the Rye kind of book, you know? Keep up the good work :)
skyler_anne said...
Jun. 1, 2011 at 8:10 pm
hahahaha oh my god i love this. it's so true, all of the pretty bitchy girls that have no brains seem to get the good guys. what's up with that? your story says it all.
Stpaulian said...
Jun. 1, 2011 at 7:22 pm
Amazing details.
AnimalLoverNayNay said...
Jun. 1, 2011 at 6:40 pm
Wow! Awesome! :) :)
Lola_Black said...
Jun. 1, 2011 at 6:09 pm
I love this! It's true, edgy, and I'm sure you won't even find my comment in this sea of praise you definately deserve for this. Keep it up!
Styxosaurusrex said...
Jun. 1, 2011 at 3:57 pm
I know you've heard this about 350 times already but I really love the entry. It's beautiful and it's something almost every girl can relate to. Keep it up(:
stolen_bagel said...
Jun. 1, 2011 at 3:09 pm
this is really good I especially love the fourth paragraph C:
rosierose said...
Jun. 1, 2011 at 1:25 pm
I LOVED this...but there's only one thing that bothers me about it. 'some fugly anorexic super bitch' you're kind of making it sound like all anorexic people are bitches, which may not be the truth all the time. Just my opinion :)
Iluv.... said...
May 10, 2011 at 7:57 pm
this is incredible!! i cant believe how true it rly is...i kno luv the feeling it shows!
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