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The Color Of The Inside Of My Mouth This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

I wipe at my stupid eyes with the back of my hand, and it startles me for a second that my tears are gray. I dunno why it surprised me; I mean, I buy the s***ty mascara that’s $1.99 in the 20 Items or Less checkout lane. Why spend oodles of green on something I hardly ever use?

I just wanted to look nice, you know? Like those girls who’re just naturally fake pretty. The girls who can blend shades of eyeshadow like no one’s business, and match their lipstick to the exact color of their toenail polish or whatever. Seemingly effortless, yet impeccably coordinated.

This is good stuff, I should write for a living – solely on the subject of beauty queens with superiority complexes, of course.

I just want … God, what do I want? I want to feel the sun on my face and paint the clouds and hear the music in the trees and love myself and love someone else and just feel perpetually beautiful.

But that requires the $14.99 waterproof, fire-retardant, Grade-5-hurricane-resistant mascara, not the tube that’s two bucks in Lane 4.

My shoes are dirty and outdated, but that’s how I like them. I like these shoes. They’re comfortable. Why do I need new, expensive, fashionably appealing shoes in order for someone to say, “Hey dogg, you look nice today”?

And why is it that whenever I get deathly bored and slather cheap, pore-clogging makeup all over my face everyone suddenly says, “Wow, you look pretty!”? Since when is “pretty” about whale blubber and cocoa butter?

I’ll tell you one thing, though. I most definitely am not crying about some stupid XY.

Definitely not.

I’m crying for all the whales that have to give up their fatty insulation so that some fugly anorexic super bitch can paint herself pretty every freaking day, giving him something halfway decent to oggle all the time.

Seriously, I’m not leaking saltwater over a guy.

I just think it’s cruel and unfair that the fat-endowed marine life population doesn’t even get the slightest warning that they’ll soon be on a cosmetics endcap at K-Mart.

He could have at least broken it to me gently, you know? We’ve been friends since the George Bush/Al Gore debacle.

I mean come the Bette Midler on.

I spill my blood, guts, and viscera out to this guy and he throws down the “Let’s just be friends” card without a second thought?

It’s just … it’s common courtesy to ease someone into heartbreak, not smash it over their head like a whiffleball bat.

You know what? I’m going to take my $1.99 checkout Lane 4 mascara and chuck it right at her big, stupid square head.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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WrenAlaster said...
Oct. 12, 2011 at 1:02 pm
Awesome! It's got a lot of attitude.
SecretSearcher This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 11, 2011 at 8:11 pm
Awesome! Loved it!
writingmagic26 said...
Oct. 11, 2011 at 7:55 pm
Wow, this is a journal entry?  You must be a kick-butt writer, if this is a journal entry for you.  I'm glad you shared this with us- most people would feel embarrassed- and your writing (even is it wasn't meant for anyone to see) is so inspiring!
she-is-a-strange-duck said...
Oct. 11, 2011 at 4:24 pm
Thank you for being honest this is so real... poor whales. stupid guy.
iluvrockandroll2 said...
Oct. 11, 2011 at 3:45 pm
girlie, thank u for not being superficial, and giving a new unique voice in the crowd. and keep writing! that guy is gonna be srry he broke ur heart.
Kelso1093 said...
Oct. 11, 2011 at 12:39 pm
I know I'm only one voice in the crowd, but oh my goodness, this was amazing! I love it towards the end when you're denying the fact that you're upset over a guy bt saying that you care about the whales. This is simply beautiful :)
AngelHeart654 said...
Oct. 11, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Wow that is good You know what your doing. Good Job!! 
Wildflower30 said...
Oct. 11, 2011 at 8:50 am
Wow! I know half of how you feel! The nerdy-yet-cool references... I do that, too! I won't say amazing work, because this is real emotion. Great job at expressing them! :):)
P.S. This reminds me of the song "Perfect" by P!nk. :P
Libra97 said...
Oct. 11, 2011 at 6:28 am
Wow, I love the raw emotion in this!  I've been trying to keep a journal, but I just can't do it, definetly not as good as you can.  Keep writing, this is AMAZING!  You capture the feelings perfectly :)
Claydub said...
Sept. 19, 2011 at 10:02 pm
Wow this is really good, and I rarely call poems good. Really, perfect. Great job.
Silence Me Not said...
Sept. 19, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Freakin awesome? No....

amazing? no....

beyond perfect? YES!!! :D

Wish i could write like that, I can't even freakin' WRITE a journal entry but trust me im going to try

fall3n_aNg3lThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 19, 2011 at 4:26 pm
Love it. Love it. Love it.
Chrissa5 said...
Sept. 19, 2011 at 3:19 pm
I really liked it :)
ayeshamuzaffar This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 19, 2011 at 2:59 am
I love the raw emotion. There's some thing in your words that makes me want to workship them, if you know hwa I mean. Great article.
SecretFlame said...
Sept. 17, 2011 at 7:52 pm

THIS IS AMAZING! I LOVE THIS!!!!!! Now I know someone feels the SAME WAY AS ME!!!! YES!!!

Description is perfect. The flow is wonderful, and the voice is fantastic! I absolutely LOVED IT!!!

mercebeinyata said...
Sept. 8, 2011 at 10:34 pm
You have too much potential to just throw away by using curse words. Even if you did bleep it out, we all still know what it says. I feel sad that I was inundated with such profanity as soon as I read the first sentence. I don't know if I should read any of your other works because of a shocking quintessence such as this on your part.
starlightstarbright This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 24, 2011 at 10:17 am
"Fear of a word increases fear of the thing it said." -Albus Dumbledore, correct me if I'm wrong. Her "explicit wording" gives strength to her language, raw emotion to her story. If you read her little info post, this is an excerpt from her journal. Why would she moderate her language in a jornal? If you wish to read something without swears, don't even bother touching classic literature. A writer needs passion, and the words - ALL words- supply it to her.
starlightstarbright This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 24, 2011 at 10:20 am
I apologize. In the first line, that was supposed to be "itself", not "it said."
Trees replied...
Sept. 28, 2012 at 8:04 pm
I love the Harry Potter quote!!  XD  
nutmeg123 said...
Aug. 28, 2011 at 6:07 pm
great! this reminds me of something i would write......which is also why it left me a tad bit confused. what exactly was it about?
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