The Color Of The Inside Of My Mouth This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

January 22, 2009
I wipe at my stupid eyes with the back of my hand, and it startles me for a second that my tears are gray. I dunno why it surprised me; I mean, I buy the s***ty mascara that’s $1.99 in the 20 Items or Less checkout lane. Why spend oodles of green on something I hardly ever use?

I just wanted to look nice, you know? Like those girls who’re just naturally fake pretty. The girls who can blend shades of eyeshadow like no one’s business, and match their lipstick to the exact color of their toenail polish or whatever. Seemingly effortless, yet impeccably coordinated.

This is good stuff, I should write for a living – solely on the subject of beauty queens with superiority complexes, of course.

I just want … God, what do I want? I want to feel the sun on my face and paint the clouds and hear the music in the trees and love myself and love someone else and just feel perpetually beautiful.

But that requires the $14.99 waterproof, fire-retardant, Grade-5-hurricane-resistant mascara, not the tube that’s two bucks in Lane 4.

My shoes are dirty and outdated, but that’s how I like them. I like these shoes. They’re comfortable. Why do I need new, expensive, fashionably appealing shoes in order for someone to say, “Hey dogg, you look nice today”?

And why is it that whenever I get deathly bored and slather cheap, pore-clogging makeup all over my face everyone suddenly says, “Wow, you look pretty!”? Since when is “pretty” about whale blubber and cocoa butter?

I’ll tell you one thing, though. I most definitely am not crying about some stupid XY.

Definitely not.

I’m crying for all the whales that have to give up their fatty insulation so that some fugly anorexic super bitch can paint herself pretty every freaking day, giving him something halfway decent to oggle all the time.

Seriously, I’m not leaking saltwater over a guy.

I just think it’s cruel and unfair that the fat-endowed marine life population doesn’t even get the slightest warning that they’ll soon be on a cosmetics endcap at K-Mart.

He could have at least broken it to me gently, you know? We’ve been friends since the George Bush/Al Gore debacle.

I mean come the Bette Midler on.

I spill my blood, guts, and viscera out to this guy and he throws down the “Let’s just be friends” card without a second thought?

It’s just … it’s common courtesy to ease someone into heartbreak, not smash it over their head like a whiffleball bat.

You know what? I’m going to take my $1.99 checkout Lane 4 mascara and chuck it right at her big, stupid square head.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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This article has 476 comments. Post your own now!

mercebeinyata said...
Sept. 8, 2011 at 10:34 pm
You have too much potential to just throw away by using curse words. Even if you did bleep it out, we all still know what it says. I feel sad that I was inundated with such profanity as soon as I read the first sentence. I don't know if I should read any of your other works because of a shocking quintessence such as this on your part.
Trees replied...
Sept. 28, 2012 at 8:04 pm
I love the Harry Potter quote!!  XD  
nutmeg123 said...
Aug. 28, 2011 at 6:07 pm
great! this reminds me of something i would write......which is also why it left me a tad bit confused. what exactly was it about?
TryingSomethingNew replied...
Aug. 28, 2011 at 6:42 pm
hey im new to this stuff.. i have wrote some things but im waiting for the editors approval, do you know how long it usually takes?
ayeshamuzaffar This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 19, 2011 at 2:57 am
It depends, some times it can take about a month or some times 2 weeks. You never know, but it does take time.
takeitasitis said...
Aug. 28, 2011 at 2:34 pm
spiritiris said...
Aug. 28, 2011 at 2:20 pm
I love the realisticness of it. It reminds me of a lot of things, but mostly life in general. It's so imperfect and true. Especially the part about it coming from your journal, that shows how close we're getting to you. It's amazing.
AllCaughtUp said...
Aug. 28, 2011 at 11:21 am
I love this! Your voice is so raw and real. Plus I completely agree with every point you made.
TryingSomethingNew said...
Aug. 28, 2011 at 1:20 am
I really like this articles, its really true.. plus i feel you, and im so far away from make-up that i dont even know how to put it on....btw how long does it usually take for the editors to approve your submitted work?
Bassoonkelley This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 29, 2011 at 12:08 pm
It usually takes about a week for the pieces I've submitted - it depends how long it is, though :)
Thanks for the feedback!
EnigmaticBeing said...
Aug. 6, 2011 at 6:15 pm
I really love this a lot since I can relate to it. I mean wtf should an animal have to die just so some skinny ass bitch can strut around and make quiet thoughtful girls like myself feel inferior? Now granted I wear makeup too but why is it that I have to wear it just so people will notice me? Just so that I can get complimented? It's unfair and it unmasks the supposedly perfect world that is plastered on the cover of every beauty magazine in existence. Thanks so much for creating this and pleas... (more »)
luvkittehz8P This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 6, 2011 at 3:11 pm
This is awesome. I like how there's also stuff about how makeup really shouldn't matter, and wondering about what you want in life, while you're trying to get over a guy. Jealousy drives you to do somethihg stupid, and that's where throwing the mascara comes in. =)
Laura_Oliver said...
Aug. 6, 2011 at 12:39 pm
This is really interesting and different from other fiction that I have read. It is very honest and to the point, but with those "in between the lines" messages. I like it
shapeshifter56 said...
Aug. 6, 2011 at 8:59 am
Awesmome piece! I love it! Keep up the great work! Your voice is awesome!!!!
kre101 said...
Jul. 15, 2011 at 11:07 pm
Ha ha this is really funny I really like this!
LifeWrite This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 15, 2011 at 7:16 pm
This is one of the best pieces I've read--you have an AWESOME voice as a writer! Keep it up! :)
anonymous said...
Jul. 15, 2011 at 6:03 pm
Great piece- your voice is so strong and poignant!
issie said...
Jul. 15, 2011 at 3:21 pm
your vocabulary is awesome, but it was kinda confusing until i read it twice. now that i understand ot better, i can relate to it in a way. i also keep a journal, and write in a similar style. Yay!!!!!
iamonecoolradiator said...
Jul. 15, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Loved this!! so easy to read and realistic but kinda funny at the same time....PLEASE READ SOME OF MY WORK IT'S NOT LONG!!
SingleRose said...
Jul. 15, 2011 at 2:15 pm
I really like this kind of writing, it seems more real to me. Even if you do have to read it a few times
Flashlevitation This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 15, 2011 at 2:28 am
this sounds straight out of a journal... i guess it's okay but i can't really relate to it. i mean, i don't have to relate to something to understand it but it was pretty confusing with the change of different emotions through the whole thing.
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