The Color Of The Inside Of My Mouth This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

January 22, 2009
I wipe at my stupid eyes with the back of my hand, and it startles me for a second that my tears are gray. I dunno why it surprised me; I mean, I buy the s***ty mascara that’s $1.99 in the 20 Items or Less checkout lane. Why spend oodles of green on something I hardly ever use?

I just wanted to look nice, you know? Like those girls who’re just naturally fake pretty. The girls who can blend shades of eyeshadow like no one’s business, and match their lipstick to the exact color of their toenail polish or whatever. Seemingly effortless, yet impeccably coordinated.

This is good stuff, I should write for a living – solely on the subject of beauty queens with superiority complexes, of course.

I just want … God, what do I want? I want to feel the sun on my face and paint the clouds and hear the music in the trees and love myself and love someone else and just feel perpetually beautiful.

But that requires the $14.99 waterproof, fire-retardant, Grade-5-hurricane-resistant mascara, not the tube that’s two bucks in Lane 4.

My shoes are dirty and outdated, but that’s how I like them. I like these shoes. They’re comfortable. Why do I need new, expensive, fashionably appealing shoes in order for someone to say, “Hey dogg, you look nice today”?

And why is it that whenever I get deathly bored and slather cheap, pore-clogging makeup all over my face everyone suddenly says, “Wow, you look pretty!”? Since when is “pretty” about whale blubber and cocoa butter?

I’ll tell you one thing, though. I most definitely am not crying about some stupid XY.

Definitely not.

I’m crying for all the whales that have to give up their fatty insulation so that some fugly anorexic super bitch can paint herself pretty every freaking day, giving him something halfway decent to oggle all the time.

Seriously, I’m not leaking saltwater over a guy.

I just think it’s cruel and unfair that the fat-endowed marine life population doesn’t even get the slightest warning that they’ll soon be on a cosmetics endcap at K-Mart.

He could have at least broken it to me gently, you know? We’ve been friends since the George Bush/Al Gore debacle.

I mean come the Bette Midler on.

I spill my blood, guts, and viscera out to this guy and he throws down the “Let’s just be friends” card without a second thought?

It’s just … it’s common courtesy to ease someone into heartbreak, not smash it over their head like a whiffleball bat.

You know what? I’m going to take my $1.99 checkout Lane 4 mascara and chuck it right at her big, stupid square head.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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This article has 476 comments. Post your own now!

Everyone_Desrves_A_Chance said...
Dec. 16, 2011 at 3:22 pm
Wow This Is Really Good I Think You Should Make This Into A Series Or Something Like That Or Maybe Try To Publish It I Seriouslly Would Buy This If You Made It Into A Book Or Series :)
Nolanje80 said...
Dec. 16, 2011 at 1:58 pm
i agree with blueeyedgirl18. this also sounds like my journal. and i get where you are coming from ont he fact that soo many guys play the "i just want to be friends" card even aftr you tell him all your idrty little secrets. how is that at all fair?
Blueeyedgirl18 said...
Dec. 16, 2011 at 12:32 pm
This sounds like my diary:) lol I love it:)
kairi.kaylyn said...
Dec. 16, 2011 at 11:04 am
A little mean but I loved it. You're really good at writing.
Adnama said...
Dec. 16, 2011 at 9:50 am
I really love this because it is true about a whole bunch of people including myself.  This just comes out and speaks the truth.
OurSTORY said...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 9:31 pm
ahhh love it!
mylifestoryonmywrist said...
Nov. 24, 2011 at 8:32 pm
I laughed at the part where you said, like the girls who are naturally fake pretty
ksaurus200 said...
Nov. 24, 2011 at 6:20 pm
it seemed incompleat for some reason
harrypotter143 said...
Nov. 24, 2011 at 3:14 pm

wow. i mean, really, wow. (:


fantastic story!! it totally got to me ! you just explained my life :$

prettylittlewriter said...
Nov. 24, 2011 at 10:47 am
Wow, this is very heartfelt and very good writing
jobros4eva said...
Nov. 24, 2011 at 9:55 am



1)say your name 10 times

2)say your mom's name 5 times

3)say your crush's name 3 times

4)paste this on 4 other posts. if you do this your crush will kiss you on the nearest friday. if you don't do this after reading this you will get bad luck

send this to 4 other post in 143 minutes when done pre... (more »)

GoGreenGirl replied...
Dec. 9, 2011 at 10:21 am



maizyiscrazy replied...
Mar. 13, 2012 at 3:20 pm
This is Teen Ink, not a stupid chain email. Stop posing stuf like this, it is stupid.
WickedWriter replied...
Aug. 14, 2012 at 9:09 am
what are you doing? someone wrote a really nice piece and we're all commenting on it and then you do that?! seriously!
Tcoolgirl said...
Nov. 2, 2011 at 4:45 pm
It's good! :)
Malloy213 said...
Nov. 2, 2011 at 2:01 pm
All I can say is that this story is amazing
XxkierstanxX replied...
Nov. 24, 2011 at 11:42 am
agreed great story haha
VivaLasMariposas said...
Nov. 2, 2011 at 12:20 pm

This article is so AMAZING! It's such a clever piece, very well-written, full of wit and beauty. I love so many lines, like "I want...God what do I want?" and "I'm not leaking saltwater over  a guy" and the usage of "XY". All I can say is...awesome! It's like I could have written this, the feelings...but I never could have, I'm not that great of a writer! 


Gingersnap777 said...
Nov. 2, 2011 at 10:12 am
Amen to that!  I loved that XY reference...very witty.
annmarie's the best said...
Nov. 2, 2011 at 10:03 am
i really like this exept you should add what xp means
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