The Color Of The Inside Of My Mouth This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

January 22, 2009
I wipe at my stupid eyes with the back of my hand, and it startles me for a second that my tears are gray. I dunno why it surprised me; I mean, I buy the s***ty mascara that’s $1.99 in the 20 Items or Less checkout lane. Why spend oodles of green on something I hardly ever use?

I just wanted to look nice, you know? Like those girls who’re just naturally fake pretty. The girls who can blend shades of eyeshadow like no one’s business, and match their lipstick to the exact color of their toenail polish or whatever. Seemingly effortless, yet impeccably coordinated.

This is good stuff, I should write for a living – solely on the subject of beauty queens with superiority complexes, of course.

I just want … God, what do I want? I want to feel the sun on my face and paint the clouds and hear the music in the trees and love myself and love someone else and just feel perpetually beautiful.

But that requires the $14.99 waterproof, fire-retardant, Grade-5-hurricane-resistant mascara, not the tube that’s two bucks in Lane 4.

My shoes are dirty and outdated, but that’s how I like them. I like these shoes. They’re comfortable. Why do I need new, expensive, fashionably appealing shoes in order for someone to say, “Hey dogg, you look nice today”?

And why is it that whenever I get deathly bored and slather cheap, pore-clogging makeup all over my face everyone suddenly says, “Wow, you look pretty!”? Since when is “pretty” about whale blubber and cocoa butter?

I’ll tell you one thing, though. I most definitely am not crying about some stupid XY.

Definitely not.

I’m crying for all the whales that have to give up their fatty insulation so that some fugly anorexic super bitch can paint herself pretty every freaking day, giving him something halfway decent to oggle all the time.

Seriously, I’m not leaking saltwater over a guy.

I just think it’s cruel and unfair that the fat-endowed marine life population doesn’t even get the slightest warning that they’ll soon be on a cosmetics endcap at K-Mart.

He could have at least broken it to me gently, you know? We’ve been friends since the George Bush/Al Gore debacle.

I mean come the Bette Midler on.

I spill my blood, guts, and viscera out to this guy and he throws down the “Let’s just be friends” card without a second thought?

It’s just … it’s common courtesy to ease someone into heartbreak, not smash it over their head like a whiffleball bat.

You know what? I’m going to take my $1.99 checkout Lane 4 mascara and chuck it right at her big, stupid square head.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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lets pretend<3:)) said...
Nov. 15, 2010 at 10:53 pm
this really comes from way down there...your heart^_^ round of apluse for you!i understand what you mean<3
Aly_Marie said...
Nov. 15, 2010 at 7:37 pm
This reminds me of me.. I love it.. truly straight from the heart =]]
lena.ivette said...
Nov. 15, 2010 at 7:32 pm
ahh, this is soo good! you've got real talent! i absolutly love your writing stlye! :)
Cookie said...
Nov. 15, 2010 at 6:00 pm
I love your writing! Its amazing! fFom the heart.
holly.nicole said...
Nov. 15, 2010 at 3:36 pm

I love this it is really good!

-holly nicole <3;)ily<3

AnnaClare This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 15, 2010 at 1:38 pm
I wish i was as beautiful as you must be(:
xCokiMonsterx said...
Nov. 10, 2010 at 3:30 pm
I love this!! This is probably the hunreth time you've heard this, i know, but its amazing!
SpringRayyn said...
Oct. 24, 2010 at 10:12 pm
That's amazing that you have enough courage to post an actual excerpt from your journal on a website. Nice writing, I like it and I agree!
writingisright said...
Oct. 24, 2010 at 5:09 pm
Oh my gosh....this piece is so deep and i can tell it came from your heart. love it!
russianreader said...
Oct. 24, 2010 at 4:46 pm
this is great!!! i love the emotion. its just so accurate!
WhiteShadows said...
Oct. 24, 2010 at 3:39 pm

That is so good!!!!

Your writing is so human, not covered in cheap makeup. It's so true, too. And of course, the writing is terrific. First i Thought this came right out of a diary and then i read the caption...i was right. Awesome, amazing piece.

I can already see "The Color of The Inside of my Mouth" on the cover of a book. I'd read it.

SecretSasha said...
Oct. 24, 2010 at 2:24 pm
I absolutely love this! I love the humor, even though your writing about heartbreak.
Berta said...
Oct. 24, 2010 at 11:53 am
Love it!  Great writing.  It really has some good thoughts in it.
scoot413 said...
Oct. 13, 2010 at 6:23 am
is in the may 2009 issue and it wuz amazing great job
hkelsey1 said...
Oct. 2, 2010 at 8:34 pm
Wow she is a good author. Very genuine. Write a book.
starxoxo23 said...
Oct. 2, 2010 at 3:24 pm
LOVE this. ive felt this way sooo many times... i totally get it.
topschoolauthor15 said...
Oct. 2, 2010 at 2:58 pm

great idea fo a story, who wants a guy or friends who like you just because ur pretty or you act like them or look like them, u k wut i mean.

ur man is supposed to like you for you not for ur pretty face or for the clothes ur whereing; if you go over to his house without make up on and are just where pj's or a sweater and some jeans, and he kisses you on the nose and brings you into a hug, man you got the perfect one for you.         but if he tr... (more »)

thisbeautifulmiasma said...
Oct. 2, 2010 at 2:34 pm

Very honest!

Read my stuff at:

DarknessForever13 said...
Oct. 2, 2010 at 9:29 am
I love your work! even if it is  an excerpt from your journal, it somewhat reminds me of me, because, really, what's the point in trowing on make-up just to impress. Shoot, I only ever put it on RARELY, (bold for emphisis).   There is a certain someone at school who loves me as much as I love him, but he is kind, and always makes me laugh when I don't even want to smile. Most girls there say he is not the cutest guy at school, who cares, he sure charming to me though... (more »)
SKSK1214 said...
Oct. 2, 2010 at 8:17 am
Its so not about a guy... LOL JK it is.
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