The Color Of The Inside Of My Mouth This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

January 22, 2009
I wipe at my stupid eyes with the back of my hand, and it startles me for a second that my tears are gray. I dunno why it surprised me; I mean, I buy the s***ty mascara that’s $1.99 in the 20 Items or Less checkout lane. Why spend oodles of green on something I hardly ever use?

I just wanted to look nice, you know? Like those girls who’re just naturally fake pretty. The girls who can blend shades of eyeshadow like no one’s business, and match their lipstick to the exact color of their toenail polish or whatever. Seemingly effortless, yet impeccably coordinated.

This is good stuff, I should write for a living – solely on the subject of beauty queens with superiority complexes, of course.

I just want … God, what do I want? I want to feel the sun on my face and paint the clouds and hear the music in the trees and love myself and love someone else and just feel perpetually beautiful.

But that requires the $14.99 waterproof, fire-retardant, Grade-5-hurricane-resistant mascara, not the tube that’s two bucks in Lane 4.

My shoes are dirty and outdated, but that’s how I like them. I like these shoes. They’re comfortable. Why do I need new, expensive, fashionably appealing shoes in order for someone to say, “Hey dogg, you look nice today”?

And why is it that whenever I get deathly bored and slather cheap, pore-clogging makeup all over my face everyone suddenly says, “Wow, you look pretty!”? Since when is “pretty” about whale blubber and cocoa butter?

I’ll tell you one thing, though. I most definitely am not crying about some stupid XY.

Definitely not.

I’m crying for all the whales that have to give up their fatty insulation so that some fugly anorexic super bitch can paint herself pretty every freaking day, giving him something halfway decent to oggle all the time.

Seriously, I’m not leaking saltwater over a guy.

I just think it’s cruel and unfair that the fat-endowed marine life population doesn’t even get the slightest warning that they’ll soon be on a cosmetics endcap at K-Mart.

He could have at least broken it to me gently, you know? We’ve been friends since the George Bush/Al Gore debacle.

I mean come the Bette Midler on.

I spill my blood, guts, and viscera out to this guy and he throws down the “Let’s just be friends” card without a second thought?

It’s just … it’s common courtesy to ease someone into heartbreak, not smash it over their head like a whiffleball bat.

You know what? I’m going to take my $1.99 checkout Lane 4 mascara and chuck it right at her big, stupid square head.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

Join the Discussion

This article has 476 comments. Post your own now!

E.Inis said...
May 18, 2016 at 2:08 pm
Love this piece.
Camomile_Addison said...
Jun. 14, 2015 at 1:03 am
Great job! I noticed your author's note (AN), "This is literally an excerpt from my journal, so it's a little different when it comes to writing style." Well, I thought differently - the way you wrote this was so smooth so perfect, if I dare say, it is how I dream of writing, how I strive to write many of my own works. To write a journal, not some strict narration or whatever. So great job! And since you brought up in your AN that this was from your journal, does that mean that this is leaning t... (more »)
BleuBunny said...
Dec. 5, 2014 at 10:13 am
I love the way you wrote this piece. Crying over a guy is a waste of mascara.
a.e.always said...
Nov. 4, 2012 at 4:05 pm
This was amazing! I can definatly relate to this right now. plus, your writing is so easy to keep up with and very unique. if you could, please comment and rate on my piece "falling in love"
elites5 said...
Oct. 19, 2012 at 12:19 pm
This is so well written and so many people can relate to this. Guy always go for girls that wear make up and revealing clothes. What can you do? :) can u comment on some of my work?
Trees said...
Sept. 27, 2012 at 10:11 pm
I love your writing, and I understand completely what you are talking about.  I don't understand why guys fall for the girls who are fake and trend followers.  It seems there is no originality at my school anymore.  
midgetswillrule replied...
Sept. 28, 2012 at 10:55 am
shes right. no one is brave enough to be different. independent
TickTockBANG said...
Jul. 31, 2012 at 9:23 pm
I want to be friends with you. You just seem like one of those people who are effortlessly witty and exciting and just frickin' cool. Plus, I love how you write.
chrissie said...
Jun. 9, 2012 at 2:07 pm
I like your style of writing - it was really funny and easy to follow. keep it up
RoseAndThorn said...
Jun. 6, 2012 at 11:30 pm
I am inpresed by your style and charactor in this piece. I enjoyed how you threw together problems with girls and their their male counterparts with the topic of exploiting nature for our makeup. Even I use a lot of makeup, but at least I have the curtisy to be interested in nature-friendly products. Your humor and wit really pull this piece together, and your messages come across as enjoyable.
KutieBabyDoll<3 said...
May 18, 2012 at 3:23 pm
That's The Truth No Barbie Doll is Better than the real thing :) loved the article.
J1029 said...
May 18, 2012 at 9:28 am
It's better to love and have lost than to never have loved at all. I wish people would take a better look at me than walk past to the Barbie doll girl
skyblue95 said...
May 18, 2012 at 7:01 am
Ok, so, on Monday my ex boyfriend broke up with me. The night before (Sunday), he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me forever. Then on Monday he told me he doesn't like me as much as I like him... I was so dumbfounded because of what he told me the night before, and he said he "just wants to be friends". So I can definitely relate to this. You are such an awesome writer! Keep up the good work! :) Also, could you check out some of my work and rate/comment on it? I could really use the fe... (more »)
Darbs1325 said...
Apr. 26, 2012 at 6:32 pm
Jeep up the good work!!!!! :D
Flashlevitation This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 26, 2012 at 1:12 pm
I really enjoyed this because of how you redirected the moment and in the end faced what you really felt that you had to say. I love the descriptions and the humor within your words
PeaceHeartCC said...
Apr. 26, 2012 at 1:10 pm
Wow, this is REALLY good! I like how you said this is from your journal; it definitely helped my perspective on the piece. I also like how you took on the topic creatively. Great job! :)
Aliescha L. said...
Apr. 26, 2012 at 5:20 am
You did an amazing job, keep writing!!!!!!!!
Zuccini75 said...
Apr. 4, 2012 at 2:50 pm
...Stupid XY - Fantastic writing! The message is clear, the humor is good too! :)
Dirty-Hobolo33 said...
Apr. 4, 2012 at 7:49 am
I loved this so much. Awesome job!
vazenitran98 said...
Mar. 13, 2012 at 4:32 pm
This explains how sometimes,money can't buy things that can change who you are. This explains it all. You did an exceptional job.
Site Feedback