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[Note: Between every line, the camera cuts to a different person. Two people are not in the same shot at the same time unless otherwise specified. These shots alternate between WS, MS, and MCU, at the director's digression.]



RYAN: (steps up to frame)Ryan here, star of Action-Tastic 3: Revenge of the baby puncher; I'd like to assure you that no babies were harmed in the making of this film.



NATE: (Brandishing a baby doll) See? It's fake.



ELLY: Punching real babies is a crime.



LAURA: So we at Really Cheesy Productions would like to remind you:



ALL IN UNISON: Never ever punch a baby.



RYAN: Not even a gay baby!



LAURA: Especially not a gay baby!



ELLY: Gay babies are our future.



NATE: They have an evil plot to overthrow us all!



LAURA: That's not actually true.



RYAN: When you feel like directing your anger at a baby, take a deep breath and direct it at cute little animals instead.



NATE: Like this cat! (Nate is holding a cat)



[Cat is flung violently over LAURA and ELLY's horrified heads.]



ELLY: Um, no cats were harmed in the making of this feature?



LAURA:...yeah. It's gonna be okay, right?



[Technical Difficulty bars flash onto screen.]



Join the Discussion


This article has 64 comments. Post your own!

MetallixRose said...
Feb. 25, 2011 at 1:43 pm:
First off, this WAS NOT funny. Secondly, it is SOOOO not cool to be bashing gays.
 
OceanEyes0355 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Mar. 17, 2011 at 4:12 pm :
Hey, chill your roll. It's no big deal.
 
DreamingOutQuiet replied...
May 27, 2012 at 2:57 pm :
I dont think they where.....so chill your piclkes. WHY CANT WEEEE BEEE FRIIEENDSS
 
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da writer said...
Feb. 2, 2011 at 10:03 pm:
SO funny!!! can't stop laughing...LOL :)
 
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she.writes.with.red.ink said...
Feb. 2, 2011 at 6:36 am:

LOL. I actually laughed out loud, I didn't just say I did because I thought is was funny! XD

Reminds me of this video me and m friends made, though I think ours was more like 'Never do this[insert person violently attacking doll] to a baby.' 

Love your twilight one too. Almost a thousand comments last time I checked?! o.0

 
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TillaBoog said...
Jan. 23, 2011 at 12:51 pm:
hahaha dude once again I can't stop laughing! You're awesome keep it up
 
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AmandaPanda123 said...
Jan. 19, 2011 at 1:58 pm:
Haha this is funny!!! :) I love it!
 
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GuitarGirl92851 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 6, 2010 at 12:18 pm:
Keep making more! I love this!
 
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hi_from_wonderland said...
Nov. 14, 2010 at 4:36 pm:
rotflmfao! read ur Twilight Saga script and that was hilarious too!! keep it up (oh, and if u get a free 5 mins check out mine: Jacob Goes to Jared, the Galleria of Jewelry. tnx) ;)
 
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gregorius said...
Oct. 25, 2010 at 3:18 pm:
Funny plot even if it is rediculous! i love babies!
 
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amberglow13 said...
Oct. 21, 2010 at 3:49 pm:
hahahahahahhaahahahahahaha *gasp* hahahahahahahaha! write more scripts! do it!
 
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monkeyface said...
Oct. 20, 2010 at 7:39 pm:

i like this one but i really really liked ur twilight one...i need to make a movie of it...and dont worry ill include u when i roll the credits

defently

 

 
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DeadPeopleKinndaGrl said...
Jul. 27, 2010 at 11:38 am:
Ur articles are SO FUNNY!!! OMV! Keep writing, u r EPIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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TheGoldenDomination said...
Jul. 26, 2010 at 6:20 pm:
i love this, it was hilarious. You need to write more scripts!!!!!
 
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IamtheStargirl said...
Jun. 23, 2010 at 8:18 pm:
PLEASE WRITE MORE!!! I WOULD BE EVER SO GRATEFUL :)
 
fireflynight replied...
Jul. 9, 2010 at 10:15 pm :
NOTE TO AUTHOR: Join SNL before the guerilla turtles come and try to force you into the Itty Bitty Writing Committee.
 
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fireflynight said...
Jun. 22, 2010 at 12:33 pm:
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN, these people are so mean to cats and babies. And how do you know if a baby is gay, anyway?
 
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Boppsta said...
Jun. 18, 2010 at 12:54 pm:

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your stuff is awesome!!!!!!!!!!

 
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poetry_addict said...
Jun. 13, 2010 at 5:57 pm:
hysterical!!!!
 
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musiclover123 said...
Jun. 13, 2010 at 2:06 pm:
HAHAHAHA i SO agree with darkvisions EVEN THO IM A TWILIGHTER i LOVED LOVED LOVED your *movie* and this is ALSO PURE GENIOUS!!!!=)=)=)
 
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forgottenpenname This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 25, 2010 at 4:32 pm:
That was amazing! XD
 
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