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Even Though

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Author's note: As a 16-year-old journalist living in suburban Chicago, I’ve always sought to reach a wide...  Show full author's note »
Author's note: As a 16-year-old journalist living in suburban Chicago, I’ve always sought to reach a wide audience with my writing. I serve as co-executive entertainment editor for Buffalo Grove High School’s, “The Charger.” In addition, I have my own video blog on YouTube, which addresses myriad teenage topics, such as relationships, fashion trends and high school survival. I also write for the fashion section of the online publication “EmbraceYou” and I'm also interning at the Daily Herald. I’d love to be a part of your magazine as well.  « Hide author's note
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The News

“OK so our stories are set, remember deadline is in two weeks,” said my Kardashian-esque journalism teacher.

I’m a student journalist and writer. Actually, to say that “I am” a journalist/writer would not be completely accurate. I am not a journalist, journalism is me. It is everything I live for. Journalism, as well as writing, is what keeps me sane.

It’s September; the leaves have just begun to change. Only now do I realize what the brown, red, and yellow transition foreshadowed. I haven’t talked to my father for a couple months now, but I do not care. There isn’t enough time in the day to worry about interviews, page layouts, and fathers.

“I need your movie review by 2:15,” I yelled. “I have to get it on the page!”

Even though I knew he had about a month left he was still the last thing on my mind. I sat in class laughing with my fellow editors, while yelling at the slackers.

“@Danealle13 and I are Twitter whores,” read the Twitter post between the sports editor and me.

“We are the best and cleanest type of whore,” I laughed innocently.

My friends and I giggle, make inappropriate jokes, and gossip like, for lack of a better term, normal teenagers. I do all of this without a twinge of guilt or melancholy about my relationship with my father. Why should I feel guilty? As far as I know, he gave up on trying a long time ago.
“Have a wonderful weekend guys, this issue is turning out great,” bellowed my journalism teacher.
It’s finally the weekend; a time for relaxation, or in my case time to slave away at work. Anyone who needs a job I do not recommend working for a fast food chain. Luckily, my mother and grandmother are always there to make a joke.

My mother’s cousin is staying with us. She is a short, stout, enigmatic woman. Unlike the rest of my family members, she had the audacity to break the constraining social norms of our family. She married someone outside of the Jewish faith and Russian background. Tattoos and tramp stamps litter various parts of her body, which is actually why I respect her. She did not care if people judged her—she has her own family that would love her whether the stereotypical mold was being filled or not.

“Good morning Danealle,” she said. “It’s already eight o’clock, weren’t you supposed to be at work by 7:30?”

“Yes, but I just don’t feel right. Plus I have to help decorate the halls for homecoming week so I don’t want to get sicker.”

Even though I didn’t feel right, I didn’t pay it much attention nor did I make the connection until the phone rang.

“He did … but the doctor said … I see … yes she’ll be there,” my mother told my uncle.
The funny thing is, I know what’s coming.
“I know you didn’t love him but does it still hurt to know he’s gone,” my mother’s cousin asked before we knew for sure.

“No,” I lied.

My mother walked into the room with a somber look on her face. She gave me a hug and said everything is going to be okay. At that moment I did what was expected of me, I conformed to the rules and cried softly.

“We have to get ready,” I said. “I need to be at school around 11.”

I went to the bathroom to wipe off the tears and paint on a happy face. To be honest, it did not take much mascara to make my eyes sparkle. I wasn’t sad yet, I was just … numb …
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Join the Discussion

This book has 20 comments. Post your own!

sweetangel4life said...
Mar. 25, 2013 at 11:53 am:
i really loves this. well written of course and im sorry for the pain you felt over the loss. stay strong and keep writing :)
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JessixMathers said...
Mar. 8, 2012 at 5:36 pm:
You are a great writer!!! I loved this memoir! Although I havent lost anyone recently I'm so glad that I read this story, had me hooked from beginning to end! :)
Danealle replied...
Mar. 21, 2012 at 10:18 pm :
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it!
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renthead96 said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 10:47 am:
I really felt for you while I read this, and I have to say I can relate well to it. My aunt died of cancer only months ago, and I wish I had found this earlier, to help me deal with it. I find it interesting how everyone reacts differently and copes differently to loss. For me, it really didn't hit me until I was at the funeral, and then I lost it. I'm glad I found this story. Keep writing!
Danealle replied...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 11:24 am :
I'm glad you like/understand my thought and feelings behind this. I'm sorry for your loss! 
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Garnet77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 28, 2011 at 5:10 am:
This was so beautiful. I think I almost cried while I read it. I recently lost my great-aunt, and it didn't hit me until two days after I found out. I kind of just talked to my sisters--it helped a lot. This memoir kind of brought back thoughts of her--but they're good thoughts. This was very well written, and truly inspiring. :)
Danealle replied...
Jul. 28, 2011 at 8:05 am :
I'm glad you liked it! I'm sorry for your loss.
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Marieweibel said...
Jul. 16, 2011 at 12:44 am:
Hey thank you for reading my writting! Your memoir is very well done. You made the very painful truth about grief extremly understandable and relatable, which is not an easy thing to do. Your honesty is very refreshing! Thank you for sharing your story!
Danealle replied...
Jul. 28, 2011 at 8:04 am :
Your welcome and thank you for reading mine!
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ArgonElement said...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 10:14 am:
This was a very artfully written memoir. I am amazed at how everyone copes differently. After my grandmother died I became an angry shell of a person. I am happy you wrote this memoir, it really inspires me to write one also.
Danealle replied...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 7:07 pm :
Thank you! 
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WritingSpasms said...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 7:41 pm:
I'm so sorry about what you went through. You wrote your memoir beautifully and brought out your emotions. I hope you continue on in your writing :)
Danealle replied...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 8:48 am :
Thank you so much! And I will keep writing! 
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CarrieAnn13 said...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 2:58 pm:

Great memoir!  You told the readers how you felt and they will draw their own conclusions at the end. 

I know how it doesn't help (someone who was pretty much a parent to me died), but you have my condolences.  And you were right about grief: the sadness never fully goes away.

Danealle replied...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 3:11 pm :
I'm glad you enjoyed it and i'm happy it's written in a way that people can relate to it
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Hooha said...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 10:58 pm:
This book sounds very intresting and filled with alot of emotions. I really enjoy books like that. I'll take some time to read this one it has definitely caught my attention. Nice job with your writing and keep doing what you love
Danealle replied...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 11:21 pm :
Thank you i appreciate that!
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katieann said...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 7:12 pm:
Strong emotions throughout, really demonstraited how passionate writting is to her and how it got her through such a tough time that not many people would be able to handle like she did. 
Summerchick98 replied...
Jul. 28, 2011 at 3:34 pm :
I love this story, I lost my father to Sarcoma Cancer. It happened when i was 9....I'm 13 now. I still miss him every day and night.
Danealle replied...
Jul. 28, 2011 at 3:49 pm :
I'm so sorry for your loss! I hope my story helped you. 
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