Jonah Hex

September 1, 2013
Some people say this movie is Wild, Wild West 2 with Dragon-balls. And you know what? They're absolutely right.
Jonah Hex. So, I recently learned about this movie. Apparently, it came out around 2010, and I have no clue how I missed it. I never saw any commercials for the movie. I only learned about it through a review on Youtube. So I went out, bought the DVD for $3.00, watched the movie, and I really enjoyed it. The basic premise is that Jonah Hex's family was slaughtered by Quinton Turnbull, played by John Malkovich, who proceeded to scar Hex's face and he made an enemy for life. That's where we are in this movie. Jonah Hex is this badass bounty hunter who lost his way after learning that Turnbull died. But when he learns that he faked his death, he becomes a man on a mission to kill Turnbull and avenge his family. Sounds simple enough. But then we see that Turnbull is making this ultimate weapon that decimates towns with...dragon-balls? They're not called Dragon-balls in the movie, but you're going to call them Dragon-balls because they honestly look like Dragon-balls.
So what's good in this movie? Jonah Hex, himself. Imagine if Two-face from Batman was a bounty hunter in the old west, who had the accuracy of Green Arrow, Hawkeye and Bullseye all together. You got Jonah Hex. This character had a ton of potential. He was an awesome bounty hunter who could talk to dead people after his near death experience. He had a few good lines in the movie. Either some smack-talk before he wasted someone or just a causal grunt or sneer. And what's bad? Um, everything else. This movie felt like a rated R TV movie. You know those movies that come on Fox and all the good stuff is edited out or dubbed over? It felt like that. And Megan Fox. Really? Megan Fox is awesome to look at but not in movies. She can't act that well. And her southern accent sounded like phone sex voice. Oi Vey! But there are also quickly edited death scenes, choppy cuts, and it just wasn't put together that well. The movie feels rushed, improperly acted, a bit forced, and I loved every minute of it. All 82 minutes of it. I know that it's a bad movie, but it's nowhere near horrible. It's leagues above Batman & Robin, believe me. It's a guilty pleasure for me. So with all fairness, I'm going to say it's a 3 out of 5, a good time sober. Check it out if you have nothing better to do.
So have you see Jonah Hex? What'd you think of it? Comment below, let me know. And if you liked this movie and want to read more, check out my other reviews to read more. Bye-bye.

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