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White Lace

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Our time together is a fleeting dream
Sparse moments of felicity and glee
Though our affection vanquishes my esteem
Never have you genuinely loved me

For there is another more fair than I
Angelic beauty, her radiant smile
A fiery and avid flame in your eye
As you see your bride glide along the aisle

Tears cascade down my cracked, porcelain face
For I try to hide the pain of heart break
The promise of forever wrapped in lace
Forcing me to feel the tortuous ache

My heart still refuses what my head knows
Which is to repair my life I must go



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mrsmusicforlifeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sep. 27 at 12:31 pm
This poem is absolutely gorgeous! I love your rhymes! They're really unique! I know you're asking for constructive critism, but I don't have anything else to say! There's not a single thing about this piece that I would change! Voted 5/5! x
 
cecchmate said...
Jan. 31 at 3:12 pm
Really beautiful. The only thing is the last line feels a little out of place... maybe add/rearrange a couple prepositions/syllables? Anyways, I really think this is beautiful, and the idea hits me. Great job :)
 
RoyalCorona said...
Jan. 9 at 6:21 pm
This was beautiful and morose at the same time! You elegantly portrayed the story in so little words! I absolutely love it!
 
megcmusicThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 8 at 10:49 pm
I don't know what to say about this but it's just amazing. I loved the imagry and the illusion of "cracked porcelin skin". I've personally used something to that effect. I like it!
 
live_luv_laugh_inspireThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 24, 2013 at 5:57 pm
Very well written! Good rhyming scheme and rhythm, and you are very descriptive, using words like "angelic beauty," "cracked, porcelain face." Very well done!
 
ShahrierThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 7 at 4:51 pm
a sonnet. very nice. love the  imagery in this and how it helps the poems move forward. the third line kinda confuses me, shouldnt "affection" help with "Esteem" and at parts its does feel a bit choppy, but i think its because of the rhyme structure. i was never a big fan of shakesperian sonnets. or maybe its the pertrarchan sonnet. the rhyme scheme dosent appeal to me. other than that, i like the poem. PS: just like you said how you dont like free verse poems, i have li... (more »)
 
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