I canna understand it! The transporter is on the brink!
The engines are making a blood-curdling sound!
Chekov’s running around looking for Wodka to drink,
And dilithium crystals? We’re down to a pound!
I’d climb in that pipe, but I’m too fat to fit!
Klingons are attacking from the right and the left!
McCoy is just angry and mumbling, “Damn It!”
And Chekov’s screaming so much I’m going deaf!
There’s someone aboard who’s murderously possessed;
Kirk’s gettin’ flirty, I think I should warn ya;
Sulu’s talkin’ to plants while I’m put to the test;
And below is a planet that looks just like California!

I’m in a dangerous situation so easy to botch;

And to top it all off, I canna find my scotch.