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The Day We Lost Our Mind

The stares that sent cold waves down the girl's spine
Reached, and they pulled, and tore, and stole, and took.
'You are one of us, you have crossed the line,'
They said, each throwing her a frigid look.

Even with each day she could not accept
What she had done to her once sane self, and
Could not stand to feel that she was inept,
But was too afraid to move or to stand.

She watched as time just ticked by steadily,
As they clutched tighter to the girl, so numb,
And each day she sat still there, readily
Waiting for the death that would never come.

She finally became one of their kind.
She's me, and this is when we lost our mind.



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This article has 12 comments. Post your own now!

sweet_silent_surenity said...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 10:27 pm
I really like this. I don't know what I could say about it though that hasn't already been said.
 
AlexaClare said...
Jul. 10, 2010 at 4:08 pm

This poem is amazing, I really like it and the last two lines are so powerful to read.  This is really good 

- Alexa 

 
aub13zzz replied...
Jul. 10, 2010 at 7:07 pm
thanks! im glad you liked it :D
 
mrsabbyjonas13 said...
Jul. 10, 2010 at 6:38 am

Woah. This is such an eerily beautiful piece of work, Aubrey! I can't even get over this. The flow and rhyming is nearly perfect, and I just love the whole mysterious emotion put into the poem. The only small part that was a little choppy was "What she had done to her once san self, and" and "But was too afraid to move or to stand". But after reading the entire poem, that tiny flow problem slipped my mind because of how great this is. Keep up the awesome work!

~Abb... (more »)

 
aub13zzz replied...
Jul. 10, 2010 at 11:09 am

Wow, thanks, Abby! I'll be sure to check out some of your work! :D

-Aubrey

 
Jane_P This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 4, 2010 at 9:04 am
Wow! This is wonderful! I love the last two lines the most. So powerful.
 
aub13zzz replied...
Jul. 4, 2010 at 11:02 am
thanks! and i saw the comment on my thread and i will look at some of ur work shortly, including "Sisters" :)
 
riley... said...
Jul. 2, 2010 at 2:04 pm
i love shakespearean sonnets, and this was a great combination of vocabulary and story-telling. i love the last two lines.. great job
 
ColorfulExpectations replied...
Jul. 3, 2010 at 12:26 pm
I wish I could write this well! This poem is beautiful!
 
aub13zzz replied...
Jul. 4, 2010 at 11:07 am
haha thanks to both of you! :)
 
ILikePersonificaition replied...
Jul. 10, 2010 at 12:04 am
this is beautiful, it's not easy to rhyme this well but you pull it off superbly. I'm very jealous, nice job!
 
aub13zzz replied...
Jul. 10, 2010 at 11:11 am
haha, thanks! :)
 
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