The Day We Lost Our Mind

May 8, 2010
By AubreyTRieder PLATINUM, Clark, New Jersey
AubreyTRieder PLATINUM, Clark, New Jersey
29 articles 0 photos 85 comments

The stares that sent cold waves down the girl's spine
Reached, and they pulled, and tore, and stole, and took.
'You are one of us, you have crossed the line,'
They said, each throwing her a frigid look.

Even with each day she could not accept
What she had done to her once sane self, and
Could not stand to feel that she was inept,
But was too afraid to move or to stand.

She watched as time just ticked by steadily,
As they clutched tighter to the girl, so numb,
And each day she sat still there, readily
Waiting for the death that would never come.

She finally became one of their kind.
She's me, and this is when we lost our mind.


The author's comments:
This poem is written in Iambic pentameter and is a Shakespearean sonnet. Please enjoy :D

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This article has 12 comments.


on Jul. 13 2010 at 10:27 pm
sweet_silent_surenity GOLD, Puyallup, Washington
16 articles 0 photos 52 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved- loved for ourselves or rather, loved in spite of ourselves." -Victor Hugo-

I really like this. I don't know what I could say about it though that hasn't already been said.

on Jul. 10 2010 at 7:07 pm
AubreyTRieder PLATINUM, Clark, New Jersey
29 articles 0 photos 85 comments
thanks! im glad you liked it :D

on Jul. 10 2010 at 4:08 pm
AlexaClare BRONZE, Staten Island, New York
4 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You may not like me, but thats okay I like me."

This poem is amazing, I really like it and the last two lines are so powerful to read.  This is really good 

- Alexa 


on Jul. 10 2010 at 11:11 am
AubreyTRieder PLATINUM, Clark, New Jersey
29 articles 0 photos 85 comments
haha, thanks! :)

on Jul. 10 2010 at 11:09 am
AubreyTRieder PLATINUM, Clark, New Jersey
29 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Wow, thanks, Abby! I'll be sure to check out some of your work! :D

-Aubrey


on Jul. 10 2010 at 6:38 am
fearlessalways13 SILVER, N/A, New Hampshire
7 articles 6 photos 46 comments

Woah. This is such an eerily beautiful piece of work, Aubrey! I can't even get over this. The flow and rhyming is nearly perfect, and I just love the whole mysterious emotion put into the poem. The only small part that was a little choppy was "What she had done to her once san self, and" and "But was too afraid to move or to stand". But after reading the entire poem, that tiny flow problem slipped my mind because of how great this is. Keep up the awesome work!

~Abby(:


on Jul. 10 2010 at 12:04 am
ILikePersonificaition, River Hills, Wisconsin
0 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"So it goes"

this is beautiful, it's not easy to rhyme this well but you pull it off superbly. I'm very jealous, nice job!

aub13zzz said...
on Jul. 4 2010 at 11:07 am
haha thanks to both of you! :)

aub13zzz said...
on Jul. 4 2010 at 11:02 am
thanks! and i saw the comment on my thread and i will look at some of ur work shortly, including "Sisters" :)

on Jul. 4 2010 at 9:04 am
Jane_P PLATINUM, San Clemente, California
25 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
When asked about race...

"Well, when I went to the bathroom I was Russian, and when I came out I was Finnish."

or, alternatively:

"Irish I could tell you."

Wow! This is wonderful! I love the last two lines the most. So powerful.

on Jul. 3 2010 at 12:26 pm
littlelilith SILVER, Dallas, Texas
5 articles 1 photo 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Your perspective may very well be the determining factor in whether you pass the test."

I wish I could write this well! This poem is beautiful!

riley... GOLD said...
on Jul. 2 2010 at 2:04 pm
riley... GOLD, Yakima, Washington
13 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"i became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." edgar allen poe.

i love shakespearean sonnets, and this was a great combination of vocabulary and story-telling. i love the last two lines.. great job


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