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A trail of lie's
November 12, 2009
A lie tears you up inside,
Makes sure emotions cannot hide,
Leaves you broken on the floor,
Kicking till your heart is sore,
Bleeding, not blood, but waves of sorrow,
These wounds will not heal by tomorrow,
They'll keep a chronic pain going,
Make sure you are always knowing,
Then they heal but the mark is there,
And any pressure it will tear,
leave you back on that floor,
Lookin for that unseeable door,
A lie can change everything,
its the noble steed to ending,
A lie cannot stop love though,
In the end its the dead weed that helps it grow.
© Zachary C., Arlington, TN
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 6 comments.
katie_bugg GOLD said...
on Dec. 17 2009 at 2:54 pm
i like this the flow is really nice, but it seems to be missing emotion it seems like you just kind of wrote it on the spur of the moment, but still good job :]
SilverDawn GOLD said...
on Dec. 11 2009 at 3:12 am
Hey, great poem! I really like it but I have some suggestions of minor changes~
In the line that goes "They'll keep a chronic pain going" i think you should split "they'll" into "they will" to keep up the flow as i found it a little short.
And I think it'd be better if the 10th line was "Add any pressure and it will tear". I think that 's what you meant but didn't write out. Just small things (: I love it !
In the line that goes "They'll keep a chronic pain going" i think you should split "they'll" into "they will" to keep up the flow as i found it a little short.
And I think it'd be better if the 10th line was "Add any pressure and it will tear". I think that 's what you meant but didn't write out. Just small things (: I love it !
CrystalClosure GOLD said...
on Dec. 9 2009 at 7:30 pm
great job Gator! L-O-V-E it
bluemagnet22 PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 8 2009 at 1:50 pm
I like it
vry well writen
with a nice flow:)
vry well writen
with a nice flow:)
