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Cardiac Evisceration

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I don't even know what I'm supposed to do anymore.
I'm lost in the translation of your words to actions.
You say it was a mistake,
But I saw it in your eyes.
You meant every word.

You apologize and cry,
But what am I supposed to do?
I held it all in,
Despite my anguish.
You ask for honesty,
Ask and you shall receive.
And once again it is on my shoulders,
To solve all of our problems.
Why?
Because I let you in.

Now you know why I hold my ground,
And keep my walls up.
No matter who you are,
I can't let you into my heart.

I feel as though I can't even talk to you,
Like the world we have built will crumble down upon us.
This false reality we've been living in,
Had to come to an end eventually.
My intentions aren't as golden as you think,
My heart isn't so pure.
I have lied and cheated,
But I'm trying to change.
This life we're trying to build,
Depends on my will to continue.
I want to change for you.
I want you to be happy.
But with my past,
That will never happen.
This is all my fault.





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