Mislead

October 20, 2010
By wefellinLAVA PLATINUM, Copper Cliff, Other
wefellinLAVA PLATINUM, Copper Cliff, Other
21 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
'you touched my heart, through it's shell'


Under the waters of sleep,
I remember not to dream
or I'll wake up and see
you are no longer next to me
Under the covers I weep
beckoning you to my requiem
I'll follow you into the deep
waters of relentless sleep

Neverending,
falling forever,
everlasting,
hopeless together,
positively uplifting
completely misleading,
you have always been the one
you, always, my love
getting me to go to sleep
one more time i ask you, please
mislead me
to sleep

Under this low roof I scream,
I wonder how can I not dream?
I begged you for hours, don't leave
yet you are not here with me
Under this water I sleep
Falling into an everlasting dream
I beckon you to me
mislead me to sleep

Neverending,
falling forever,
everlasting,
hopeless together,
positively uplifting
completely misleading,
you have always been the one
you, always, my love
getting me to go to sleep
one more time i ask you, please
mislead me
to sleep
Mislead me to sleep



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This article has 3 comments.


AshTree SILVER said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 4:23 pm
AshTree SILVER, Clarksville, Tennessee
7 articles 0 photos 196 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Live your art" -made this one up myself. Simple, but true.

I really like this one because of your metaphors and I think the rhyming flows well

on Nov. 10 2010 at 8:13 pm
wefellinLAVA PLATINUM, Copper Cliff, Other
21 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
'you touched my heart, through it's shell'

Again, thank you for your advice!

on Nov. 10 2010 at 8:00 pm
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky

I liked this one pretty well :)  I loved the metaphor of sleep.  That was very creative.  Although, I have to say sometimes the rhyming got a little eccentic.  Ton's of 'ing' and 'er' words all in a row make things seem a little over the top.  Also, I thought this line "getting me to go to sleep" seemed a little choppy because of all the short little words.

Overall, pretty good but it could use some technical revisions.



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