This Love, This Hate

March 9, 2010
By MiaXAna-dote BRONZE, Bartlett, Illinois
MiaXAna-dote BRONZE, Bartlett, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
isnt it ironic we ignore the ones who adore us , adore the ones ignore us , love the ones who hurt us , and hurt the ones who love us ?

Down I fall
Never will my ashes rise
Beauty will not come from my pain
I sit here all alone
I can't get what you said
Out of my head
Wraping my jacket around myself
That familar sick, deafining darkness envelops me once more
I can't get away
I'm drowing, dying
Why can't I be saved?
Nothing will ever fix this
Oh, I'm speechless
Would this all go away if I promised you that
I'll never write a song
I won't ever sing along
I'll never love again

You've shattered a broken heart
How can you break what broke apart?
Maybe it's not today
But one day I'll look back on this and understand why this happened
I won't ever dream again
I'll never hope again

I hate you with all my heart
But you and I will never part
I just stand here speechless, so speechless

You said you'd show me love
And all I've seen is my baby shot down
My life is gone
So I follow you
I follow you in circles
And you echo me
You echo me in circles

I've got a heart that's like a rock, cast in the sea
My tounge cuts like a blade
I don't say much at all
Because my words would be your downfall
No one told you about me
The way I lie
No one told you about me
How many people cried
Just like no one told me about you

It's too late to say we're sorry
How would I know?
Why should I care?
I won't bother to find you
You aren't there

We've thrown our hands up
Baby, we've given up
I'm giving it all up to you
Hun, I promise all to you

Now your abandoning me
You leaving me to die
Place me in the hand of Ana
And I will falter and cry
You aren't enough anymore

Mia I hate you
Ana it's you who makes me wish
My life would end
I hate you both
I wish you'd kill me
Just kill me now

Slow and painful
Take me now
And never bring me back

We can chase the dark together
It's a task we'll do forever

Now the clock is ticking by
I wish the minute hand would rewind
This is tht last night feeling like this

My mother says everything is my fault
She says it's just a phase and I'll be normal someday
But I know it's all a lie

I'll wrap myself in my own arms
Oh, I won't let go

Nights are long when things are so wrong
See my scarred, bleeding, cracked dry hands
Take me and help me hold on
Don't let me say goodbye
Be my reason why

Do you see me stumble and fall?
I'm so weak I can't wake up at all
I see no light in my dark tunnel
But no matter which way I run
I'm headed for my death
I can't escape you

It's time to fall
Time to see
That my demise
Is a good thing

The author's comments:
A lot has happened in my life in six short months, but it all just falls into place in this poem I wrote. The love, the loss, the hate, disgusting disappointment and guilt, it's all ... here. My eating disorder really loves it when I write something like this that's true... Call me crazy, but it's like this poem IS my eating disorder. And the love I've lost is being replaced with my eating disorder. It's working. It's FINALLY working...

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