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Brain cell

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How can I escape
The prison of my mind
That has bars made of doubt
And no windows to find
Where I sleep on a bed made of regrets
And I lay my head on a pillow of sorrow
That’s harder than concrete
Yet wicked enough to swallow
All my hopes and dreams
Leave me broken and hollow
With no hope I scream
Only empty thoughts in which I can wallow



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oxStardustxo said...
Jan. 27, 2010 at 3:20 pm
wow this is really good
 
RebeccaA said...
Sept. 18, 2009 at 10:06 am
This is amazing, but it is not set up to be a song. You usually have a separate verse and chorus.
 
carnallace replied...
Sept. 18, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Songs don't have any particular structure. The majority just tend to lean more toward the standard verse, bridge, chorus, verse, bridge chorus, etc. But there is no set outline for a lyric.
This piece was lovely. The title caught my attention immediately, and really defined the piece.
The rhyming was mostly on-key and your syllables equaled out, which is always important.
The sentiment was highly relatable but personal enough to allow the reader to interpret it themselves... (more »)
 
luvlit10 replied...
Sept. 18, 2009 at 5:28 pm
I agree with both of you. I agree with Rebecca on this isn't meant to be a song and with carnallace on songs aren't all in a somewhat particular format. This would make a great poem, I love it :).
 
Sean M. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 18, 2009 at 11:32 pm
it originally was longer but i did not like the rest so i decided to scrap it and leave it as it is now. im glad you guys liked it(:
its more of a rock rhythm yes(:
 
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