A Fathers Suicide

May 2, 2018
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Screaming like a banshee
‘cause I don’t know what else to do.
I cried
because it was the only thing that felt right.
Hiding out in my room
now I’m without you.

Who is supposed to father me?
You never even got to see me make it to high school.
Who is supposed to walk me down the aisle and scare my first boyfriends to death.
You don’t even know what I want to be.
...it’s actress.

Did you even think of me?
Did I even cross your mind?
Did you think of your 3 children
and what you’d leave behind?
Did you think that we’d be fine?

When you text me that night
I responded without a single thought.
I didn’t know that when you said,
“I love you”
you really meant goodbye.
So when I replied, “yeah you too”
I didn’t know that would be the last thing you ever heard from me.
But dad I do love you.
I love you from the bottom of my heart to the top of it.
Where a dad shaped hole sits.

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