A Woman.

April 4, 2018
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Dear father
For missing every birthday
Tucking me into bed
Showing me how to ride my first bike
Or going into my bedroom at the age of 6 to reassure me that there were no monsters
Or reminding me that boys can be mean
Or at the age of fourteen when you decided that the best thing to do was try and end your life
Till this day at the age of seventeen I still believe monsters exist
To the day where that boy took my innocence away and showed me that a boy can be mean
To the worst day of my life where I saw you try and take your own life but thanks to that fourteen year old me that saved your life
You are still here
But I thank you
For your absence in all those occasions taught me if i do not need a father to become a woman
I do not need a man to have an identity

Dear mother
You make me the weakest
Since my heart belongs to you i am sorry
For being the mother instead of you
For becoming the mother figure to my brother at only age 6
Teaching him how to ride his first bike
Because mom and dad weren't around to do that
For spending my summer days holding his hand just to make sure no one would hurt him like they did me
For forcing myself to grow up
For having to stand by your side when you lost one of your own
Bella is now in heaven
Thank you mother
Because without you I would not know the true meaning of life

Dear self
To the younger you
I'm sorry it had to be you to save that life
The anxiety that has been created in your head will no longer have control
You will not live the rest of your life in fear
For it all begins and ends in your mind
What you give power to
Has power over you
If you allow it
Since I am now in the future and the present
The little girl who grew up only talking to the heavens and the trees
Since she was so scared to be approached or touched by a soul
I am now and forever will be a strong woman who loves herself
A woman who no longer fears human connections but seeks them
A woman who now strives to be heard and to help
A woman who no longer lives in fear everyday
A woman who praises the one and only god
A woman who rather live her life with god and die to find out he never existed than to live without god only to die and find out he always did





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