It all starts with not wanting to get out of bed. That's how you know you’re getting bad again. When you say you are tired, I know what you mean. You’re not the kind of tired sleep can fix. You’re tired of trying. You’re tired of being let down. You’re tired of faking happiness. You’re tired of being sad. You want to sleep and be alone, but when people don't notice your absence, it hurts. You tell yourself it's your fault for isolating yourself, for becoming invisible. One of these days, you sit and hope that someone will notice. You want someone to truly notice and truly care. While you lay in bed, trying to sleep, in the darkness, your mind is like a hurricane. Full of the thoughts of everything you’ve ever messed up. These thoughts just sit there and brew and fester in your brain. These thoughts drain you. You have no motivation to do anything anymore. You lay in your bed, trapped in your mind. You lay thinking about how you can’t take it anymore, but you get up, keep it all in, and go about your day with a smile.
The Thoughts of Teenage America
April 13, 2018