February 9, 2018

How come with everything that I do I get this butterfly-in-my-stomach feeling?
This troubled and worrisome feeling has been with me ever since I was in the fourth grade.
I could never blow off tests or my grades like everybody else.
Why do I have to have a panic attack before every test?
When will it go away, if ever?
I always have this doubtful awareness when I have made a poor grade on an assignment. Tears just seem to fall down my face and no matter what I tell myself, it just keeps coming.
Before I know it, I am drenched in tears and
embarrassed because the whole class is staring at me.
This scared feeling also keeps me from doing things that I know if I just try, I can do it.
But it’s this thought that tells me that I won’t be able to do it and makes me overthink myself constantly.
It has even followed me to high school!
I get it right before I have to run a mile in a certain amount of time, or I have a big volleyball game coming up.
How can I get rid of it?
There has to be a way that I can control it at least.
Or maybe it’s me, am I so high strung that it will never go away?
Maybe my nerves won’t let it.
When will I build up enough self confidence that I will just trust that everything will be okay?
I just can’t stand it when I let this sickening feeling takeover me.
I can’t stand it when I let others notice it, too.
I have to make a decision to not let it affect me.
I am getting more confident each day, and in no time I will have this controlling, sickening, and overwhelming conscious rid of.
It might  never be completely gone, but I will have anxiety conquered.

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